Last Chance
by moreawake
Summary: A story about building & rebuilding relationships, Addison deals with the aftermath of her divorce and the feeling that she doesn't have anyone who cares when something else comes up to complicate things even more. AddisonMark pairing. MerMark friendship.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Last Chance  
**Pairing:** Maddison.. probably others along the way.  
**A/N:** Set after Episode 307 "Where the Boys Are." My little Addek heart hurts. I had originally planned to make this an Addek story, but with the way things have been going, I decided it would probably be better as Maddison. I wasn't sure how to start this until Thursday's episode, which ended up being so sad that it got me thinking. This is my first attempt at a chapter story. We'll see how it goes.  
**Disclaimer:** Shonda/ABC own everything, including Grey's characters, storylines, and my soul. I own nothing.

Addison Montgomery had just experienced her toughest day yet at Seattle Grace. Just when she thought her own problems were overwhelming, she was reminded of how horrifyingly unfair life really could be. She could no longer control her emotions. Though the day was over for her, the shock of the day's events was not. As Addison sat in traffic on her way back to her new apartment, she began to sob again. She cried for her failed marriage of nearly twelve years; she hadn't really grieved for it at all before then. She cried over the fact that she was all alone in a city that wasn't New York; she had no one to confide in. She cried over knowing she would have to face two of the biggest reminders of her painful past tomorrow and every day after that. She cried because she felt so guilty for stressing over her own problems. Mostly, though, Addison cried for the couple who had lost their baby. They had been so incredibly happy, and then suddenly, their whole world was gone. Every plan they had ever made together would have to be abandoned. Every dream they had for their child would never come true. _It just isn't fair._ She choked out between sobs. _It just. isn't. fair._

As soon as she got home, Addison collapsed into her bed dressed in the same clothes she had worn to work. Her face was red, sticky, and streaked with mascara from all the tears. _I don't know why I can't handle this today. Why am I this emotional? This is my job. I'm supposed to be used to this. This is life. This kind of thing just happens. Snap out of it, Addison. It's happened before, and it's going to happen again. It just happens. It just... happens._

The next morning, Addison awoke feeling completely sick and exhausted. She was cried out, but she still had the tightness in her chest and tear ducts, along with a bit of nausea and a headache. _It's a good thing I don't have to work today. Me and my pathetic lack of emotional control. _She didn't want to move from the position she had laid in all night. She wished she had a friend she could call to come over and bring her out of her catatonically depressed state, but she didn't. Torres seemed like she could have potential, but Addison didn't think spilling her soul to a relative stranger who was also a coworker would be a very good idea. _Usually Derek and I would help each other with this kind of thing. Or Mark would be here to say something stupid to lighten the mood._ Mark. Derek. It killed her to think of what had been. It killed her to think that she had once been surrounded by so much love and support. And now she had none. And why was she so sad? _I need to stop thinking. One thing at work should not carry over like this. I am a surgeon. I do my job, and that's it. I have no feelings. I keep my distance. I am composed. I am cold. I am… Oh God… I am going to be sick._

"Miranda? Can I talk to you about something for a minute?" Addison hesitantly asked Miranda Bailey two mornings later.

"Only a minute. God knows what will happen if I don't keep an eye on my interns," she replied. "Can't have people doubting my abilities."

Addison led Bailey to the nearest empty exam room and closed the door behind them. She didn't know how to ask this. It was big. It was scary. She looked at the floor and bit her lip.

"Well?" Miranda asked.

Addison paused and took a slow, deep breath.

"I need you to run some labs on me," Addison said quickly. "I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant, and I don't know who else to go to, but I figured you would be good about this since you already know more than you ever wanted to know about me thanks to the joys of divorce and alcohol, and I guess I consider you to be my friend, and you have experienced this before, and oh God, Miranda, did you have mood swings and cry this much when you were pregnant?"

"No, I didn't, but I also wasn't recently divorced or dealing with two very stupid men when I was pregnant." She paused and looked at Addison who was frantically trying to wipe away tears. "Now don't tell anyone I did this because I _am_ the Nazi, but I'm going to hug you. It looks like you could use it."

Addison cracked a small smile and gladly accepted the hug. "Thank you, Miranda," she whispered.

"Now sit down, and I'll be back in a minute with everything we're going to need. Try to calm down a little."

Bailey exited the room.

Less than an hour later, Addison was looking at the results of her labs.

"Well, I was right," Addison told Miranda in an emotionless voice.

"And what are we thinking about this?" The other woman asked.

"I'm not sure what to think. It's Mark's. I know it's Mark's. Derek and I haven't had sex since before prom. That was two months ago. Plus, I had a period. A few days after that came my discovery of the panties and my drunken phone call to Mark. What a smart idea that was. Now he's working here and hitting on every female in this hospital while I sit here freaking out because I'm six weeks pregnant with his kid. I'm a surgeon. I am the best on this coast. How can I take care of a baby when I have this high-stress job and no one to help me?"

"So is not keeping it an option?"

"As screwed up as this is going to sound, it's not an option. I want a baby. I have always wanted a baby. And this is my last chance at having one. I'm nearly 40. I'm too busy and too damaged to get into a relationship. This is it. This is my last chance at having the one thing I have always wanted. I have always wanted to be a mother more than anything."

Addison was surprised at herself for admitting all of that. She looked up at Miranda to see what she thought and was met with an understanding smile.

"Then congratulations, Addison. You are going to be a mother. Now let's see if we can get a heartbeat."

Addison cried again as she watched the grainy picture on the screen and listened to the sound of her baby's heartbeat. At that moment, despite everything, she was the happiest she had been in years. She would worry about everything later.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Okay.. so I missed Monday by a couple of minutes, but I had to re-think this chapter because I changed what I wanted to do with it about halfway through. I stole some lines from the CTV preview for this week because they were just too perfect. So I'm crediting some of the quotes in the scene with Addison, Mark, Alex, and Izzie to the Grey's writers who came up with the hilarious pickle joke.  
**Disclaimer:** Shonda/ABC own everything, including Grey's characters, storylines, and my soul. I own nothing. And I used the pickle/sexual harassment lines from 308 because, again, they were too perfect.

**

* * *

**

Chapter Two

"Hey, uh… Dr. Montgomery!" Callie called after Addison who was walking at a fast pace down the hallway, away from the exam room she had just been in with Bailey.

"Dr. Torres," she turned around and responded. "How are you today? Sloan giving you any crap?"

"I'm doing all right, I guess. Could be better, but no, I haven't seen him all day, so that's a good thing."

"That's definitely a good thing. Luckily I haven't encountered him all day today either," the older woman laughed. _Hopefully I'll continue to have that luck_, she thought to herself.

"Listen, uh, I was wondering if I could take you up on that offer of going out for a drink? Like maybe once we're off tonight? I could kind of use a talk."

"Of course. I actually could kind of use one too. So… we'll just meet at Joe's later?"

"Sounds great. I will see you later.

"Yeah," Addison gave a small smile. "Later." As soon as Callie turned the corner, Addison's pager went off. _911 on one of the Williamson triplets. At least I'll have something else to think about now_.

* * *

"What have we got Karev?" Addison asked as she ran through the doors of the NICU, seeing Alex running towards her.

"It's Carson. Collapsed right lung. Izzie's in there now. We've got him intubated, and he's stabilizing right now. I'm just off to…"

"You know Stevens isn't supposed to be alone with patients! Actually, I don't have time to reprimand you now, let's go."

"I need to go tell the Williamsons. I'm the intern on this case, so I thought it would be best coming from me. That's why I left her in there, okay? He was stable, and I knew you would be here in a second," he called behind him as he ran to report Carson's condition to his mother and father.

Addison stepped into the room containing the incubators of the three Williamson children, where she saw Izzie and a neonatal nurse checking vitals on Carson.

"What have we got, Stevens?" Addison inquired as she began washing her hands in preparation for contact with the baby.

"Pneumothorax. Right lung. We were right here when it happened. Alex performed a quick needle thoracocentesis to relieve pressure, and we ended up having to intubate him. He seems to be responding, though. He's stabilizing."

"Thank you, Stevens. Very nice. I can take it from here," Addison told her as she began to examine the baby.

Within a minute, Alex was back with a very concerned Mr. and Mrs. Williamson.

"Karev and Stevens, go pick up my labs for me while I talk to Mr. and Mrs. Williamson about their son's condition."

* * *

On their way back from picking up labs, Alex and Izzie ran into one of their least favorite doctors—Mark Sloan.

"Whoa. Is it Bring a Hot Blonde to Work Day? No one told me," Mark joked to Alex with his usual smirk.

"AHEMsexualharassment" Izzie coughed.

"Shut up, Sloan. You're supposed to be the superior here, remember?" Alex shot back.

"I was just saying. It's the truth. You know it. She's hot and she's blonde."

"But this is a hospital, and we WORK here, meaning we are expected to be PROFESSIONAL. But I guess since you're such a hotshot plastic surgeon, it doesn't matter, and you can make whoever you want uncomfortable."

Just as Mark was about to say something that could have had seriously bad consequences for Alex, Addison showed up to save them.

"What are you doing?" Addison asked Mark, sounding extremely annoyed, as she had just caught the last bit of the exchange.

Thinking quickly, he responded with one of his famous innuendos. "Lunch." He grinned and held up a very large, thick deli pickle in a Ziploc bag. "Want my pickle?"

"Dear GOD, Mark! Shut the hell up. Seriously." Addison whispered loudly and angrily.

_Seriously_, Izzie said to herself, still thinking of what Alex had just said. Apparently, he didn't completely hate her over her relationship with Denny. Apparently, he still thought enough of her to defend her.

And with that, Addison turned and went back towards the NICU, Alex and Izzie following close behind. Mark was left standing alone, no longer smiling.

* * *

The day only got worse for Addison. The woman with the two uteruses whom she had operated on only a week before went into premature labor again, this time with her baby girl. Although the Cesarean went well, the baby was very early. At less than thirty weeks, the little girl had just about a fifty percent chance of survival. Seeing an infant so premature was even more upsetting than usual to Addison now that she was carrying a child of her own.

Later on that day, little Carson Williamson flatlined without warning. Handing his tiny, fragile body over to his devastated parents for the last time was so much harder than it should have been for her as an experienced doctor. After she did this, Addison left the couple to begin their grieving process and headed to an on-call room to lie down.

Luckily, the first room she walked into was empty. She sat down on the lower bunk and stretched her arms, shoulders, and neck. She was exhausted. Everything ached, and she still felt sick.

"Ugh," she groaned as she lay down and curled up against the wall. She lay still for a few minutes with her eyes closed, thinking about yet another day of upsetting events. Just as she was beginning to feel sad and alone enough to cry, she remembered that there was another person with her in the room. She rolled over onto her back and began to rub soft circles on her flat stomach.

"Hi, Baby," Addison spoke with a smile in a soft voice she had never heard herself use before, which made her smile even wider. "I know you can't hear me right now, but I'm going to talk to you anyway because just knowing that you are here makes Mommy feel better. I love you so much already. I know it may not have felt like that at first, but I promise that I am so excited about you now. You know, sweetie, the last few days have been really hard on me, and today has left me worrying about you." She paused and laughed, knowing that this was the first of thousands of worries she would have as a mother. "You are doing just fine now, but I'm just hoping that you stay in there as long as you can so you can grow and be really healthy for when you come out. If you could do that, things will be just perfect, okay? Okay. Now we are going to take a nap until Mommy has to scrub in at 4:30."

Within minutes, Addison fell asleep, feeling much better after her first conversation with her child.

* * *

The surgery at 4:30 came and went better and more quickly than expected. Before Addison knew it, she was done for the day and walking through the doors at Joe's.

"Dr. Torres," Addison greeted Callie cheerfully.

"Callie's fine. If we're drinking together now, I think we can cut the formalities," Callie responded with a smile while motioning for Addison to sit down on the barstool next to her.

"Sounds good to me," she laughed.

"What can I get for you ladies tonight?" Joe asked them.

"I just want some straight Tequila, Joe. It's been a weird few days," Callie told him.

"And I'll just take some ginger ale. You've got that, right?" Addison asked.

"Sure do," Joe said to her. "I'll get those right out."

Callie was giving Addison a look.

"So… Ginger Ale?"

"Ginger Ale," she responded, trying not to act like it meant anything out of the ordinary. Except this made it all the more obvious.

And Callie knew.

"I don't mean to pry, but… are you…?"

Addison looks down at the glass that Joe has just put in front of her. She lifts her right hand to start drumming her fingers on the glass in nervousness. Finally, she gives a small nod and then decides it's okay to look up.

"Yeah. You're only the second person I've told. Just you and Bailey know. Mark doesn't even know, and it's his kid," she says before laughing nervously. "I don't know how I'm going to tell him or when I'm going to tell him. I just know that I have to tell him."

Callie gave Addison an understanding look.

"I can keep your secret, don't worry. And if you need anything, I'm here. We single girls have to stick together."

"You have no idea how much that means, Callie. Ever since I came to Seattle, I have just felt so alone here. It's like everyone hates me."

"I know what you mean. I'm the only woman in Ortho. It's such a boy's club. I get no respect, much less friendship. Then with George, even when I had him, I always felt second to Meredith Grey and Izzie Stevens.

"Ah. Second to Meredith Grey. There's something else we can bond over." The two women laughed and continued to carry out their conversation for another three hours.

"I'll see you at work, Addison. We seriously need to do this again."

"We definitely do. Thank you so much for the talk. I feel a whole lot more sane now."

As Addison drove home that night, she could not help but smile. Although she had woken up miserable and had a mostly miserable day at work, everything had ended up well. She and her baby were healthy, and she had made a new friend in a city in which she had been alone for so long.

* * *

Okay.. that's all for now. Thanks so much for the reviews on the first chapter. I haven't done a chapter story before, so it was really cool to see some of you are actually going to continue to read it. :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** Shonda/ABC own everything, including Grey's characters, storylines, and my soul.

**Chapter Three**

"_Oh shit,"_ Mark Sloan thought as he woke up the next morning in an unfamiliar apartment. He found himself to be completely naked, except for the dark blue satin sheet that covered him. He also found himself to be completely alone. Yet another drunken one night stand. He couldn't even remember what the girl looked like. Actually, he was pretty sure she was a brunette, but that was about all he could recall. _"Congratulations, Sloan. You've done it yet again. So much for starting over."_

Years upon years of being unattached and able to do whatever and whomever, whenever he wanted, had started to wear on Mark. The instability was becoming unbearable, and every morning after another night of meaningless sex in Seattle, the worse he felt. It did not make sense to him why it suddenly mattered. Stability had never really been existent in his life, even growing up. His father left his mother when he was only a few months old, and his mother was always neglecting him to spend time with her second husband. Though he became like a second son to the Shepherd family, he still spent a lot of time raising himself.

He rolled over in the queen-size bed and began to survey the room. The walls were a pale blue, and there were framed photographs all over the wall across from him. Apparently, the girl had a lot of friends or family… or both… because each frame contained photographs of smiling people having fun. She was clearly very loved. There was a picture of a bunch of laughing twenty-somethings holding margaritas at a restaurant together. There was another of three girls with their arms around each other's shoulders, leaning against the railing of a ferryboat. He used to have fun like that in New York. Back when things were less complicated. Before the affair. He and Derek had been best friends, and when Derek married Addison, he had gained another best friend. They would go on outings all the time. He missed that.

After a few minutes of glancing around the bedroom, Mark forced himself to get up and get dressed. He pulled his boxers and pants on and crossed the room to retrieve his shirt. Instead of leaving immediately after he was dressed, though, he found himself going back to lay on the bed. He thought about what it would be like if this were his bed and his apartment and his girl—a normal, functional adult relationship. He kind of had a semblance of that for those two months with Addison. At night when he went to sleep, he had his bed, his apartment, and his girl. The fact that this girl was married to his former best friend made it a little complicated, though, but despite that guilt, he felt pretty content whenever he wasn't thinking about why he should feel guilty. But then he screwed up the situation even more by screwing some random girl he met at a bar. He wasn't sure why he did those things. Things could be so easy and so much better. But now things were ruined. He ruined them. He had no one left. He was alone. As cocky and confident as his exterior was, Mark really hated himself sometimes.

* * *

"Ah. So am I going to have the extreme _pleasure_ of working with the other dirty mistress today?" Mark asked devilishly as Meredith Grey approached him.

"Don't even try me. Nothing is going to upset me today because today… is a good day. So throw at me whatever you want. I don't care. Also, for the record, I am _so_ not the dirty mistress anymore."

"Oh yeah?" He smirked. "Is that so?"

Just then, Derek walked up quickly from behind Mark. He stopped and smiled when he reached Meredith, gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, and then continued on his way to a patient's room. Meredith blushed slightly, and her face broke out into a grin.

"Yep," Meredith responded with an I-told-you-so tone. "Now what are we doing today?"

"Well _I_ have to scrub in for a facial reconstruction in about thirty minutes. _You_ are going to go get me a coffee so that I can be on top of my game. Karev knows how I like it, so go ask him about it because I have work to do. I need it now, so get moving," Mark snapped.

He was no longer joking around and flirting. He had been hurt by Derek and Meredith's short display of affection. Derek was always happy. He had his perfect family who cared about him more than anything. For nearly fifteen years, he had a stable relationship and then marriage with an intelligent, funny, and gorgeous woman. But he didn't fully appreciate any of it. Mark used to love Derek as if he were his brother, but now it was hard to even look at him. Oh, to be able to go back to times when they were all happy and not unbearably bitter. _Snap out of it, Sloan. You're too good for all of this sentimental bullshit, _he thought to himself. He could manage.

* * *

Taking a deep breath to fight off the nausea that had been plaguing her all day, Addison stepped confidently into her new patient's room, chart in hand.

"Good morning, Mrs. Lewis," Addison greeted the short blonde who was lying in the bed, hands protectively folded over her stomach. "I'm Addison Montgomery, and I will be assessing you today."

"It's very nice to finally meet you, Dr. Montgomery. I've heard nothing but good things," the woman smiled. "You can call me Natalie. Can we wait until my husband gets back before we start the ultrasound?"

"Of course, Natalie," Addison said warmly. "I need to test my interns anyway. Who's presenting?"

Izzie stepped forward. "Natalie Lewis, age twenty-eight. Twenty-nine weeks pregnant with conjoined twins who are pygopagus. She has been sent over from Mercy West for further observation as she nears the end of her pregnancy."

"And 'pygopagus' means what, Karev?" Addison asked, turning to Alex.

"It means that the babies are joined back to back, which is one of the best-case scenarios for a possible separation in the future."

"Thank you, Stevens and Karev. I will just need you to observe for now."

Mr. Lewis entered the room soon after this and went to hold his wife's hand tightly. He was much taller than his wife. _They make a cute couple with that height difference_, Addison thought. She smiled and introduced herself and began the ultrasound.

"Well, everything seems to be in perfect working order. Each girl seems to be on track for the twenty-ninth week of development. Strong heartbeats and good amounts of movement are present."

The Lewises breathed a sigh of relief.

Addison continued to look at the screen. "The connection seems to be in a different spot than your specialist at Mercy West thought, though," she told them while circling an area on the screen for the couple to see. "Now, this will not be a problem during the remainder of your pregnancy, but should you choose to separate the girls in the future, they may share more blood vessels and more of the large intestine than previously thought. But still… we can't be sure of that kind of thing until they are born. What's important is that right now, they are doing fine. Just hang in there a for a few more weeks, and your girls should be okay. You are doing great. Everything really does look promising at this point. Do you have any questions?"

"So do you think our girls have a chance at separation? About when could that happen?" Mr. Lewis asked.

"We will have to wait until the girls are several months old before we could even start preparing for separation. Their bodies need to be strong enough for it first, but I would say that there is a definite possibility for a successful separation surgery. Medical science is truly amazing these days," Addison assured them. "Anything else?"

Natalie looked up questioningly at her husband who squeezed her hand. "You've answered everything I had questions about," she said. "Thank you for reassuring us. This has been a pretty scary experience. Most doctors haven't dealt with this before, so it's good to hear from someone who actually seems confident that everything will be okay."

Addison looked at the couple sympathetically. "No problem. Pregnancy is supposed to be a happy time, so if I can help you both to be more relaxed about this for these next few weeks before the C-section, I have done my job. I've worked on several cases like this, so just know that you aren't as alone as you might feel. I will see you two next week. If anything at all comes up, feel free to leave me a voicemail message or just come in and have me paged."

She and the Lewises said their goodbyes, and Addison left the room, leaving Alex and Izzie to finish up. She was feeling dizzy, so she headed towards the nearest on-call room.

She did not expect to find Meredith and Derek in the middle of a heated make-out session when she opened the door. Derek was facing her. His shirt was off. Meredith's fingers were tangled in his hair. Derek's hands appeared to be working on untying Meredith's scrub pants. Meredith was gasping as Derek kissed her neck. Addison stood motionless and shocked in the doorway. Derek panicked and quickly pulled away when he noticed this.

"You should be more careful and lock the door next time," was all she could manage before closing the door. She was upset. She wanted to cry. Normally, she probably would have been angry at the situation, but because she was feeling sick and hormonal, anger came out as sadness. She could go upstairs to her office, but she did not think she could make it up there before the tears came. Walking quickly down the hall, she came to another on-call room.

Lying on the top bunk inside the room was Mark. He sat up and stared at her. Addison could feel her face get even hotter, and the tears threatened to spill. Mark had been ready to make one of his usual obnoxious comments until he saw the pain in her eyes. His face softened from an expression of smugness to one of concern.

"I'll just… I'll just be going," she said, flustered.

"No, Addison. Stay," he told her.

Not knowing what to expect, she decided to comply. She closed the door behind her and went to lay down on the bottom bunk. Mark jumped off the top bunk and then sat on the floor beside her.

Addison stared out at nothing as tears streamed down her face. Mark reached up and pushed some of her hair behind her ear. He let her cry silently as she allowed him to hold her hand. No questions asked. She soon fell asleep, exhausted from crying. He let go of her hand, and she unconsciously moved it to rest protectively over her stomach. Mark watched her sleep for a few minutes before slipping off her shoes and covering her sleeping form with a blanket.

* * *

Alright. That's it for now. I've got nothing to do this weekend, so hopefully I can write a lot. But oh man.. It is so much harder than I thought it would be to write drama/angst. Writing happy stuff is so much easier, but I promise I will try to keep stuff interesting. Also, I should add that the first scene with Mark was inspired by the song "The Recluse" by the band Cursive. I was listening to it the other day, and thought, "Wow. This is SO Mark." It's basically a song from the point of view of a guy who sleeps around and messes up a lot, which causes himself to be really self-loathing. Anyway, here's the first several lines… _I wake alone in a woman's room I hardly know / I wake alone and pretend that I am finally home / … I could hardly get myself out of her bed for fear of never lying in this bed again / Oh, Christ. I'm not that desperate. / Oh no. / Oh God. / I am. _


	4. Chapter 4

The usual… Shonda/ABC own the characters and the show.

* * *

**Chapter Four**

"You wanted to see me, Chief?" Mark asked, leaning smugly against the doorframe of Dr. Webber's office.

Webber looked up over the top of his glasses at Mark and shook his head in slight annoyance.

"Sit down, Sloan. We need to talk."

Mark walked over to the desk, pulled out a chair, and sat down confidently.

"Okay. Let's talk."

"Okay then," the Chief said as he removed his glasses. He paused and looked Mark in the eye for a few seconds. "So what is this I hear about you making interns tend to your personal affairs? So far, I have heard coffee, lunch, dry cleaning, phone calls, and organizing and cleaning your office, and I am also going to take a wild guess and say that there is probably more that I don't know about."

Mark laughed uncomfortably and then attempted to cover for his actions. _Oh shit… busted._

"So I make them do some extra non-surgical work for me. It really isn't that bad. I'm still getting settled. I'm not into a routine yet."

"So once you get settled, which had better be pretty soon, you plan to start teaching our interns instead of using them as your personal assistants?"

"Of course, sir." Mark knew that didn't sound convincing.

"Need I remind you that Seattle Grace is a _teaching_ hospital? You knew that your job was going to be twofold when you signed that contract. Your job is surgery and teaching surgery. You need to teach these people what is involved in your specialty and what it takes to be a top-notch surgeon. I did you a favor by bringing you onto the staff. I could have easily passed you up out of loyalty to Derek, but I didn't because I felt Seattle Grace and our interns could benefit greatly from your abilities. Now that I know you are only doing half of your job, I am questioning my decision. Quit making interns handle your personal business, Sloan, and start teaching them your specialty or else were are going to have to make some changes on your contract."

Mark sat there, eyes wide and stunned.

"Yes, sir."

"That's all I have to say, so you may leave. Have a good afternoon, Sloan."

"Thank you, Chief. Same to you."

_I am going to kill Karev and Grey for this_, Mark thought angrily to himself as he left the room.

* * *

Callie stepped into the bathroom to apply mascara and was met with the sound of someone throwing up in the last stall. From the looks of the woman's shoes, she knew exactly who it was.

"Hey… Addison?" She called through the door. "It's Callie. You okay?"

The door unlocked, revealing a very disheveled Addison. Eyes watering, face colorless, red hair all over the place—she was a mess. And her dark green sweater was ruined. She was definitely going to have to change.

"I'm sorry I asked," Callie said sadly. "Can I do anything? Hold your hair back? Get you something to drink? Anything?"

Addison shook her head and slid down the wall to a sitting position. Callie moved to sit down next to her.

"I must look absolutely stunning right now, huh?" Addison joked.

"We all have our days. Don't worry about it." Callie smiled at her. "How about I go get you some scrubs out of your locker? You could wear those for the rest of the day."

"That would be perfect," Addison said gratefully.

Just then, the bathroom door opened, and in stepped Meredith and Izzie. Their eyes immediately focused on the two women sitting on the floor at the end of the room.

Addison looked up at them. She falsely assumed that they could tell what was wrong. "Yep. This is exactly what it looks like, and no, Grey, it's not your precious McDreamy's. This is all Sloan's doing. So go. Walk away. Be happy," she spoke bitterly.

Callie had to think quickly. "Don't tell anyone about this or I swear I will kick both your asses."

Luckily, Meredith and Izzie were not even considering that.

Meredith locked the door behind them just in case one of the gossiping nurses was to walk in. Izzie stepped closer to Addison and Callie.

"Can I help with anything, Dr. Montgomery?" Izzie asked hopefully.

Addison sighed heavily. _Stevens and Grey. I can't believe it. Grey. Meredith Grey, whom I saw practically having sex with my ex-husband._

Callie spoke up before Addison had to say anything. "Actually, could you go to her locker and get out some scrubs so she can change?"

"Absolutely. Anything else?"

Addison shook her head.

"Okay. I'm on it. I'll be back in a second."

"And Meredith," Callie said, "I need you to go outside and guard the door."

"Sure."

When Izzie got back, Callie, Izzie, and Meredith helped Addison stand up and change into her scrubs. Izzie worked on reapplying Addison's makeup while Callie fixed Addison's hair. Meredith looked on smiling. As much she tried, she just could not hate the other woman, and besides, she definitely seemed to be going through a tough time.

"There we go," Izzie said happily. "Seriously gorgeous."

Addison smiled appreciatively. "You all really didn't have to do that."

"Anything to get us away from organizing the explosion of junk that is Sloan's office for a few minutes," Meredith joked.

Suddenly, Addison sat down on the floor. "Whoa. Just got a little dizzy there for a second."

The three women knelt down next to her and started giving her suggestions.

"Take some deep breaths."

"You're probably just dizzy because you don't have anything left in your stomach."

"Maybe you're dehydrated."

"Callie…" Addison choked out, obviously scared. "Go run get Bailey. I reeeeally think I'm going to pass out."

* * *

"Gestational anemia," Bailey told Addison when she awoke in a hospital room. "You aren't eating right as it is, and with this, you are really going to need to eat better. The baby is completely fine. I've got you hooked up to an IV because you're dehydrated. Meaning you need to drink more water. You're an OB/GYN, Addison, you know better than this."

"I know I do. I'm just still getting settled into this whole being pregnant thing. It's harder than I thought it would be."

Bailey sat down on the bed.

"It was a lot harder than I thought it would be, too, but just know people are on your side. You are not in this alone. You can ask for help when you need it. You can talk to me. I might be in one of my Nazi moods, but I'll still care. Torres cares. Even _Grey_ of all people cares."

Addison smiled, but then started to worry. "You did say that the baby is okay, right?"

"He or she is doing just fine. You've got nothing to worry about, but you should really start thinking about who your OB is going to be for this. You need a formal check-up."

"Derek's sister, Nancy, is an OB. She's my first choice. I'm just not sure if she'll agree to do it."

"She will. You may have made some mistakes, Addison, but you are not a horrible person. I'm sure she would love to help you through this pregnancy."

"Thank you, Miranda."

"No problem. Now, I've got to go scrub in on a surgery for Burke, and when I get back, you had better still be here resting. The Chief cleared you for the rest of the day, so don't even think about trying to do any work. And don't worry about unwanted visitors. The only people who know you're up here are Torres, Stevens, and Grey, and they know to go through me."

"Okay." She closed her eyes. "That sounds great."

"I'm going now. You sleep."

"Mhmm."

Bailey stood up, walked across the room, and closed the door silently behind her. _Everything is going to be okay_, Addison told herself. She began taking deep breaths to calm herself into a deep sleep, but she was awakened an hour later when she heard someone messing with the door handle. She opened her eyes, and there stood Mark.

"Oh my God. You of all people. Bailey told me no one knew I was up here."

"It was kind of hard not to notice that my interns were gone, so I went to find them, and in finding them, I accidentally found you," he said, grabbing her chart. "So do you want to talk about anything? Like, say, what happened the other day?"

"No. That was a one-time thing. It's not happening again."

"Hmmm… I seem to remember having heard that one before," he laughed.

"You know what? Shut up and leave. I don't need your crap now, Mark."

He laughed at her and flipped open her chart.

"Damnit, Mark. You are not my doctor! Quit looking at my chart."

He stopped laughing. His eyes were fixed. His body went cold.

"You're pregnant?"

Addison didn't respond. She didn't know how to respond.

"How long have you known? Does Derek even know?" He asked somewhat angrily.

"It's none of his business," she said coldly.

"Of course it's his business, Addison! It's his _child_!" he nearly yelled.

"No, Mark. It's not." She paused. He looked up at her, eyes wide in disbelief. "It's yours."

Mark was shocked. He couldn't think. He just stared at her.

"Don't give me that look." Mark couldn't break eye contact. "Just don't do it, okay?"

Addison began to cry.

"You know what? You want me to talk about the other day? I will. Here it goes. I am a strong, well-respected woman. I am always in control. I am _never_ not in control. I am a goddamn control freak, and you know that. But lately, I have lost control of everything. I don't _ever_, ever cry, but with hormone surges, an uncertain future for myself and my child, emotionally difficult cases, and a failed marriage, I am a wreck. Derek is out flaunting is new-found 'happiness' all over the fucking hospital, and then just when I thought it couldn't get any worse with him, I walk in on him and Meredith Grey practically having sex in an on-call room. But I suppose I deserved that because I'm still the bitch who hurt everyone's beloved McDreamy by sleeping with his asshole best friend, whom I still have feelings for even though he goes back and forth between a nice guy and a creep who hits on every female he comes across. And now I have to worry about this baby and how I'm going to handle him or her all by myself because its father is so irresponsible and so attached to being unattached."

By the end of Addison's speech, she was yelling, crying, and shaking. Mark still had not moved, but he did look like someone had punched him in the stomach. The door opened.

"Sloan!" Bailey was furious. "Get your pretty-boy ass out of this room. Right. Now."

Mark closed Addison's chart and set it down on the table at the foot of her bed. He walked to exit the room without saying a word, but just before he was about to close the door behind him, he turned to speak.

"We'll… uh… talk about this later," he mumbled nervously to Addison. And with that, he left.

Bailey walked over to comfort her friend who was sitting motionless on the bed.

"So he knows?" she asked.

"Yep. He knows."

* * *

Kind of a cliffhanger. Still kind of not sure of how I'm going to have Mark handle this at first, so I'm probably going to try to avoid him next chapter unless I figure something out. Thanks so much for the reviews. Keep them coming, and maybe I'll write more before I go away for the long weekend on Tuesday. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** Characters aren't mine.

**A/N:** Okay. I'm not going to lie. I didn't proofread this much at all because I re-wrote it three times, and on the third try, I was just ready for it to be done. haha

* * *

**Chapter Five**

"Hello?"

"Nancy, this is Addison. I'm really sorry that I'm even calling you, but—"

"Is everything okay out there?" She asked worriedly. "Did something happen with Derek?"

"Oh, no. Derek is… Derek. He's fine. I'm calling you because I have kind of a personal problem, and I know I shouldn't even be asking this of you—"

"Addie, you've practically been my sister for fifteen years. You, Derek, and Mark all made mistakes, but at least you're owning up to them. What do you need?"

"You might want to sit down for this one," she laughed nervously. "Seriously, this is kind of a huge deal."

"Okay then. Let's hear it."

"I slept with Mark," she started. "Like the day after I found the panties and then some more after that."

"That's a huge deal? Come on, Addie. We've all slept with Mark before."

"Yeah, but you didn't get pregnant when you slept with him."

Nancy was speechless.

"I told you that you needed to be sitting down for this one."

"I'm certainly glad that I did," She paused. "Wow. So… what are you planning to do about this?"

"I was planning on asking you to fly out here every now and then to be my OB. You _are_ one of the best, and I completely trust you," Addison said, starting to sound desperate. "You are my first choice, Nancy. I would appreciate it so much."

"This means a lot, Addison, that you're trusting me with this."

"So you'll do it?"

"Of course, honey. Do you need me to fly out soon? I could be there Friday night. We can have a girls' night out and discuss how to handle all of this, and then we can do your exam the next morning."

Addison was so relieved that at least one thing was going to work out the way she wanted it.

* * *

"Grey, you're with Shepherd. Yang, you're with Burke. O'Malley, you've got the pit. Karev and Stevens, you're with Montgomery." 

"I'm not stuck with Sloan? Wait… no one's stuck with Sloan?" Alex asked Bailey, trying to hide his excitement as the other interns left on their assignments.

"Dr. Sloan is on leave for a while due to a family emergency. Chief said something about a death, but I really don't think that's any of your business," she informed him sternly. "Now go get to work before I change my mind and put you on scut for the day."

"Okay. Going right now," he said quickly and ran to catch up to Izzie.

Addison was hoping that she would have Izzie and Meredith as her interns for the day, but instead, she glanced up to see Alex following Izzie.

"Good morning, Stevens and Karev," she tried to say as cheerfully as possible.

"And what a good morning it is," Alex told her. "Sloan is gone until who knows when, which means I don't have to put up with his stupid crap."

Addison almost choked on her coffee. Izzie tried to give her the most sympathetic look she could without Alex noticing.

"What do you mean he's gone?" She asked him, trying not to sound panicked. "He… he just got here. He can't just leave."

Izzie was worried too. "Yeah. What do you mean?"

"He's just gone. Bailey said it was a family emergency death thing or something. She didn't say when he'll be back."

"Oh. That's unfortunate for him, then," Addison said sadly. Her eyes were blank. She felt numb. He left. They always leave. She should have known he would. She cleared her throat and pushed her thoughts of Mark to the back of her mind. "We should… uh… get going. Today is going to be a busy day."

Addison led her interns down the hall to their first patient of the day. She would worry later.

"Good morning, Rice family," Addison greeted her patient, her husband, and their young son who was coloring in a coloring book quietly in the corner of the room. Mr. and Mrs. Rice greeted her back.

"These are my interns for the day, Dr. Karev and Dr. Stevens. They will be assisting me today. Karev and Stevens, this is Lisa Rice. She underwent a cone biopsy about two years ago for cervical cancer, which weakened her cervix. This increases the likelihood of a premature birth. She is here today for me to monitor her condition and to discuss a possible C-section. Karev, what is involved in a cone biopsy for cervical cancer?"

"Uh… A thin cone-shaped layer of tissue is removed from the whole area of the cervix and then sent to the lab to test for abnormal cells."

"Correct," Addison told him, but before she could continue her questions, the Rices' son had approached Alex.

"Hi. I'm Ryan. I'm four and a half. Will you _please_ color with me?"

Alex smirked at Addison. "Can I _please_ color with Ryan, Dr. Montgomery?" He asked her, thinking it would probably piss her off. Instead, she smiled at Ryan and then at Alex.

"Knock yourself out, Karev," she told him. "This case isn't surgical today, so go for it. Take Ryan out in the hall and color away."

Alex was visibly surprised at her answer. "Sweet… I guess that means I can color, Ryan. High five, little man," he said to the four year-old while holding up his hand to accept a high-five.

Ryan high-fived back, grabbed Alex excitedly by the hand, and led him to the corner of the room to color pictures while Addison and Izzie examined for his mother. Within 30 minutes, everyone was saying their goodbyes. Ryan hugged Alex, who readily hugged him back.

"See you later, buddy!" Alex told him, an accomplished look on his face.

"Bye, Dr. Alex!" Ryan grinned up at him before taking his mother's hand to leave.

Addison was touched. "Your bedside manner is improving, Karev. Nice job," she said sincerely, causing Alex's smile to quickly disappear. "And you're always up to speed with my questions. You know… if I didn't know any better, I would say that you almost enjoy my specialty."

Izzie laughed at the look Addison was giving him. Alex did not know what to say, so after pausing for several seconds, he decided to tell the truth.

"You want to know something, Montgomery? I would say that I almost do. I really would, except that if I did, you would be right about something, and you know me, I can't have that."

Addison roller her eyes, "Of course," she looked down at her charts. "Okay. Next patient."

* * *

On their lunch break, Izzie and Alex found themselves sitting on a gurney in the abandoned corridor where the interns often hung out. 

"Hey, Iz?" Alex paused, not sure if he wanted to continue. "If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell anyone?"

Izzie's eyes lit up. "Seriously? Sure."

"Okay. Here we go…" He could not believe he was even going to say this, so he spoke slowly. "I think I want to do what Addison does. Like… I think I want to do OB/GYN and neonatal instead of plastics. I've really been thinking about it lately, and…"

"Alex, that's great!" She put down her bag of potato chips and hugged him. "So when are you going to talk to Dr. Bailey?"

"I don't know. I'm afraid I'm going to get crap from everyone, so I kind of want to hold off. At the same time, though, it would be good to make the switch with Sloan gone. That guy is going to give me more bullshit than any one about this."

"You're probably right. Maybe you should talk to Addison about it? Or Bailey? Don't make any switch yet. Just talk about it, you know. They could help."

"Yeah. You're right. That's a good idea."

"I know. I'm full of good ideas."

"Shut up," he said with a smile. _God, she looks gorgeous today,_ he thought.

Alex continued to eat in silence as Izzie stared at her shoes, deep in thought. She was thinking about Addison and about how no one knew where Mark Sloan was. She knew the other woman must be an absolute wreck. Izzie wished she could do something, but she didn't think that she was in the position to do anything. She leaned her head back against the wall and sighed.

"You okay?" Alex asked her. "You seem kind of stressed out about something. If probation is getting you down, don't let it. Bailey will give it up soon."

Izzie pulled her legs up onto the gurney and up under her chin. "It's not probation. It's just," she paused, not knowing whether to continue with the truth. She decided against the truth for the time being. "I don't know. It's a lot of things. I wouldn't even know where to start."

"Okay. I get it," he told her. "If you ever want to talk, though, I'm here. I may not know what to say, and I'll probably even say the wrong thing, but if you need to get stuff out, I'll be here."

"Thanks, Alex." _It's too soon_, she told herself. _You can't be falling for him. Not again. Not after what he did. Not after Denny. Not when you don't even know if he's meaning to come off this way_.

* * *

"Dr. Bailey?" Alex asked. "Could I talk to you for a minute?" 

"What did you do now, Karev?" she asked in her Nazi tone.

"Actually, I colored pictures this morning with a patient's kid, but that's not what I'm here to talk to you about. I… was wondering if I could get reassigned to Montgomery before Sloan gets back. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and—"

"You're giving up on your dream of plastics just because he's turned you into his personal servant? That's not the Alex Karev I know."

"It's not the Alex Karev I know, either, believe me, but all that time I spent with Dr. Montgomery really had an effect on me. I respect what she does way more than I ever thought I would, and the cases she has had recently have really interested me. Like, next month, she's doing a C-section to deliver conjoined twins, and then she's going to have to figure out a way to have them pull through. I don't feel the same sense of accomplishment with any other specialty. I never thought this kind of thing would grab me, but it has, Dr. Bailey. Trust me, I wouldn't be asking you just for the hell of it because I am going to get a lot of crap about this from everyone. I'm asking you this because I have a genuine interest. I know that this is what I want to do, so if you could assign me to her, I would appreciate it."

"That sounded pretty heartfelt, Karev. You don't do well with heartfelt. We can go talk to her now if you want. Just don't pull this sappy stuff again because it's scaring me."

* * *

Addison lay on the couch in her office during her lunch break, trying to read a medical journal. It just wasn't happening. Her mind kept wandering. She had a feeling no one really died in Mark's family. Mark and his family were not close at all, so needing more than a couple days off for a death seemed suspicious. _He left because of me. I know it_, she thought. _He's probably figuring out how to leave before everyone knows. Or maybe he already left for good_. But maybe she was just worrying herself. _Things aren't always about you, Addison. Maybe someone did die._ Normally, she would at least call him to make sure he was doing all right just in case someone really had passed away, but things were not exactly normal. She did not know if she should approach him as if nothing had happened or if she should wait for him to come to her. She hated not being in control of the situation. She hated that a part of her wanted a life with Mark, the good Mark. She hated that she wasn't strong enough to just give up on that. She hated that she kept worrying about herself when she should be worrying about what effect all of this was going to have on her child. 

"Mommy's sorry, baby," she whispered. "All this worrying and being sad probably isn't good for you. I promise it won't always be like this. When you get here, I will make sure things work out, and it will all be okay." She closed her eyes and lay still for a few minutes before there was a knock at the door. She sat up and looked down at her stomach. "Time to go back to work, baby. I love you."

Addison opened the door and was met with the sight of Alex Karev and a much shorter Miranda Bailey.

"Dr. Montgomery, could Dr. Karev and I have a word with you in your office?"

"Sure," she responded as she stepped back to let them in the door. "Step inside and take a seat."

"Dude. This is a pretty sweet office, Montgomery," Alex accidentally said aloud as he studied the room, which contained a comfortable looking black leather couch, black leather chairs, and furniture with a deep cherry finish. Bailey smacked his arm. Addison tried to hold back laughter.

"So what can I do for you two today? Surely, I couldn't have worked Dr. Karev too hard this morning," she grinned, recalling that the most work Alex had done that morning was coloring with a four year-old.

"Actually, Addison—" Bailey started.

"I want to change my specialty," Alex interrupted quickly, surprising himself. He nervously stared at his hands. _Shit. I can't believe I'm doing this. She is never going to let me live this down._ "I want to work with you." He looked up to see her reaction. She was smiling. Even Bailey was smiling.

"I knew this day would come," she told him. "And I'm glad it has happened sooner rather than later because you have potential. I'm not even going to be smug and tell you 'I-told-you-so' because I know it must have taken a lot of guts for you to walk in here and say you want to change your specialty to something that you didn't even take seriously six months ago."

"How come you trust me? How come you don't think I'm just saying this to get away from Sloan?" he asked her.

"I don't know. I just know you're telling the truth. I've worked with you closely for hundreds of hours by now, and I know a change when I see one. Besides, I know Dr. Bailey wouldn't have brought you here if she even had the slightest doubt that you weren't serious about this."

"Damn right I wouldn't have," Bailey said. "You're a good guy, Karev. You don't have to pretend you aren't."

"Really," Addison agreed. "You were great with the Rice boy this morning."

"This ass-kissing is freaking me out; I'm not going to lie," Alex told them after a few seconds of silence. Bailey and Addison laughed.

"Welcome to the team, Karev," Addison grinned as she reached out and shook Alex's hand.

* * *

…. Okay. I hated this chapter. Too much dialogue, but I couldn't think of a better way to set stuff up. Not a whole lot happened, but everything that did is going to set things up for what's coming up next. I'm excited about everything coming up, so I'll probably write it faster. Buuut… Reviews help the writing process to be a little faster. Just saying ;) I pinkie swear it will start moving faster soon. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** Characters aren't mine.

* * *

**Chapter Six**

Just a week after telling Meredith that he does not run from his problems, Mark Sloan ran from his problems. Seven hours after receiving the biggest shock of his life, he was on a plane to New York. He lied to the Chief, saying his stepfather had died and that he needed some time off in order to help with arrangements. Because Mark was so shaken up, the Chief had no idea that he was lying.

The first thing Mark did upon arriving in New York was to go straight to his favorite bar. Maybe drinking would help dull the feeling of complete panic he had been experiencing since earlier that day. Addison was having his baby, and she had not felt comfortable enough to tell him right away. _And why should she have?_ He thought to himself. _It's not like I've done anything lately to make her think I am at all interested in a relationship with her_. His mind raced. _Does she even expect me to have anything to do with the baby? Do I even want anything to do with a baby? I can't just stop living like I do just because of one person. That's ridiculous._ He did not know what to think. _The kid would be better off without me, anyway. _

He began to regret moving to Seattle. Sure, he had wanted Addison and Derek back as his "family," but now things were just as screwed up as ever. He would have to face it all soon enough, too. He had signed a contract, closed his practice in New York, and was beginning to establish himself in Seattle. Mark could not just run.

But when an attractive young blonde sat down next to him at the bar, he decided that he could at least try to use old methods to feel better. _Why not? I couldn't possibly screw things up any more Let's just go for what feels good now._ And so he made it his goal to get that blonde back to his hotel room by the end of the night.

The next morning, Mark awoke in his hotel room with a substantial hangover. He was alone. He had even come back to his room alone. The blonde he wanted to bring back with him the night before ended up not being quite as friendly as he had hoped. She allowed him to buy her a few drinks, but she failed to tell him about her boyfriend. Mark found out about the boyfriend on his own when the much younger man entered the bar and pulled the girl in for a kiss. The girl's face glowed when her boyfriend sat her upright again, and Mark promptly decided then that it was time for a new bar.

He didn't have much luck at the next place either. New York did not feel the same. Or maybe he just felt off because his first attempt to pick up a woman had gone so badly. Maybe he was losing his touch. He was unsure of what it was, but it pissed him off that he couldn't just get what he wanted. He couldn't get his escape, his temporary comfort. Three bars later, he took a cab back to his hotel. He could barely walk straight, but somehow he had made it upstairs and into bed, where he lay passed out until nearly noon.

Now it was two in the afternoon, and reality was beginning to set in. He should call Addison with some sort of a response to what had occurred the day before. He should at least tell her that he was planning to come back to Seattle, that he wasn't just leaving her and her child. Her child. He couldn't find it in himself to think of it has his own. He just did not think he could be a father. He didn't want to screw up anyone else's life. He had already lost his two best friends and destroyed their marriage. He had completely torn Addison's life apart, especially now. He felt like a failure as a person. As much as he liked to pretend that he was soulless and numb to everything, he really wasn't.

* * *

"So that puts your due date at about April 24," Nancy told Addison as she was finishing her exam. "But you probably figured that out already by yourself."

"I did, but it's still pretty surreal to be hearing it," Addison gave Nancy a nervous smile.

"You'll be okay, Addie. I know you will. No matter what happens with Mark, you will be fine, and the baby will be fine."

But Addison still worried. She had told Nancy the night before about all the concerns she had. _I'm thirty-eight. I have a stressful job and a stressful personal life. And now I've got this anemia thing going. All of this is working against us_, she had said. _I see so many women suffer through difficult pregnancies. I have seen so many tiny babies fighting for their lives because something just went wrong. I don't know how I could handle it if it was my own child._

"And I know what you're thinking now," Nancy continued, observing Addison's expression. "I know you are worrying again about everything that could possibly go wrong. Don't. You _are _ready for this, and you _can_ do it."

Addison felt tears coming to her eyes as she listened to her former sister-in-law's encouragement. "Thank you, Nancy," she managed to whisper. "It's just… this is so unexpected. Once this all sinks in, I'm sure I'll be okay."

"You will," Nancy said as she leaned in to give Addison a hug. "Now. Let's talk about happy things. Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?"

"I really don't know," she said, wiping the tears from her eyes as her face broke out into a smile over the thought of her child. "I think I would probably be a better girl mom than a boy mom, but really, whatever I end up with, I'm sure I will be happy as long as he or she is healthy."

"I figured you would say that," Nancy teased.

For the rest of the day, the two women chatted eagerly about the baby. It was something Addison had not done yet. She had not really thought enough about all the happy things that would come with being a mother. She began to feel more confident that she could raise a child on her own. She was a strong woman. Derek and Mark caused her to forget that for a while, but on her way home from dropping Nancy off at the airport, she decided that this baby was her chance to start over, to find who she was again. She just hoped she would feel this good about things the next morning when she woke up alone again.

* * *

By the time Mark had been in New York for three full days, he had managed two one-night stands. The girl was gone when he woke up. He spent most of the daylight hours sleeping off any feelings he had about anything. At night, he would hit the town feeling just as empty as ever.

On the fourth evening, as he was getting ready to go out, he found himself staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, wondering how he had gotten to this point. How did he go from an innocent boy with a world of opportunity to a self-loathing, despised man whose life revolved around work and meaningless sex? He guessed it was because no one had ever given him a chance. No one expected anything of him, so he stopped expecting anything from himself. He had no standards. The first and only real person to expect anything of him as a person was Addison. At first, it was just as his friend, but eventually, it caused him to fall in love with her. And then he went and messed things up, ruining her marriage. Then out of that guilt and panic, he cheated on her. He hurt the one person who had ever thought he could be a good guy, and now he had done it again and even worse by running from her. _Sloan, you are a fuck-up, and that's just that_, he told himself.

A few hours later, Mark found himself sitting at another bar, though this time, he was feeling more dejected and less like he wanted to take someone back to the hotel with him. He ordered a beer, and set his elbow on the counter, chin resting on his fist. He glanced around at the various people in the room as he waited for his drink. After a couple minutes, the guy next to him decided to strike up a conversation. Mark didn't feel like talking, but he went with it anyway. After all, he hadn't really had a real conversation in days.

"You from around here?" the man asked. He appeared to be in his mid-thirties and was dressed as if he had just gotten off from work.

"Yeah. Well I used to be," Mark responded, taking a long drink. "Now I'm just… visiting."

"Same here. I'm here on business now, though."

"Oh yeah? How long have you been here?"

"Almost a week. Starting to miss home and family, you know," the man told him, "which is probably why I'm here drinking."

_Home and family_, Mark thought. Then he decided that maybe he could get insight into a normal life through this guy.

"So you got kids?" Mark asked.

"Yeah," the man told him proudly. "Two little girls. My wife just had our second three months ago. I couldn't be happier. How about you?"

He was hoping he wouldn't ask him that, even though he figured he probably would.

"No," he started. He hesitated a bit before continuing nervously. "Well, at least not yet. I will next year, though."

The man laughed. "You sound nervous. Don't worry about it, man. It's going to be a crazy ride, and you won't know what the hell you're doing most of the time, but it's worth it."

"Oh yeah?"

"Definitely. I didn't think of myself as the type of guy to be a dad, but when it happened, it changed everything. It's one of those clichés, I know, but it really did."

_Well maybe that applies to you, but I seriously doubt it will for me, buddy_, Mark thought to himself before continuing the conversation.

"I'm in the 'not-the-dad-type' boat myself," he told him. "So I guess we'll see how that one goes." He took another long drink. _Or maybe we won't._

"Well, I've got to go. A couple guys I work with just got here," the man said as he stood up. "Congratulations on the baby. Good luck."

"Thanks," Mark said, trying to sound appreciative.

Mark suddenly wasn't feeling much like being out. He finished his drink and decided to call it a night after less than ten minutes at the bar. It was still early—only 10:15—when he found himself sitting on the subway headed back to his hotel. Of course, there had to be people sitting on the bench across from him.

"Can we get ice cream somewhere before we go back to the hotel?" a little boy of about six or seven asked his parents. "Pleeeeease?"

"Tyler, it's really late, honey. It's already way past your bedtime," his mother told him. "Tomorrow night, I promise we can, though."

Her husband seemed to think differently. "But _Mom_!" he mimicked his son's tone, teasing his wife. "I _really_ want ice cream _now_."

"Ha! See? Daddy wants ice cream. Two against one. That means we get to go!" Tyler told his mother.

"Okay. Fine. You boys win," she said as her husband kissed her temple. "If I didn't love you both so much, it would drive me crazy how often you two gang up on me."

The family laughed. Tyler was clearly excited about being out in the city with his parents. They continued talking about ice cream, flavors, and toppings as Mark observed them out of the corner of his eye. _That's a funny kid_, Mark thought. _He doesn't seem too bad_.

* * *

The next morning at Seattle Grace, Addison found herself starting her day out feeling sick in the bathroom once again. Luckily, she had support.

"Is he back yet?" Addison asked as Callie walked into the bathroom carrying a ginger ale she had brought for Addison. "He wasn't when I first got here, but that was like an hour ago."

"Nope. He's still gone," Callie told her friend sympathetically.

"Okay," she sighed and took small sip of her drink.

"Feeling any better?"

"I wish. Seriously, Callie, for lack of a better phrase, this morning sickness thing sucks pretty badly," she laughed.

"It will be worth it, though," she smiled. "Just try to keep remembering that in no time at all, you are going to have an adorable little kid running around calling you 'Mommy.'"

"Yeah," Addison grinned, "that part is going to be pretty great."

Callie glanced at her watch. "Shit. We should both get going. Are you going to be okay?"

"I should be. Thanks for bringing me the ginger ale."

"No problem. I will see you later."

The two women exited the bathroom and headed their separate ways. It was going to be Addison's first day with Alex Karev officially assigned to her service.

"Good morning, Karev," she addressed him. "Nice to have you here this morning."

"Thanks. It feels different being here for some reason. I think it's because I'll actually be doing something important instead of something like picking up dry cleaning," he joked. "But really, Dr. Montgomery, I really appreciate you being cool about this."

"You do good work, Karev. Just keep up the good attitude, and I will continue to be 'cool' about this," she told him as she glanced over her schedule for the day. "Okay. First patient is in 3312. Let's go."

"Alright. What is she here for?"

"She has a large cyst that needs to be removed from one of her ovaries. I'm going to go over the procedure and possible complications with her again now, and then I am going to need you to do pre-op while I go check on a patient from yesterday."

"Sounds doable. Do I get to scrub in?"

"You do, but it's a laparoscopic surgery, so you aren't going to have much to do."

"That works for me. It's better than nothing."

After Alex finished pre-op on the patient, he went looking for Addison to get his next assignment. He couldn't find her, and when he asked a nurse, she directed him to a nearby on-call room. Inside, he found a very pale looking Addison curled up on the bottom bed. She quickly sat up but immediately felt dizzy and steadied herself by gripping the mattress.

"Done with pre-op, what's next?" he paused and looked at her more closely. _Dude, she's totally sick_, he thought. "Are you sick or something?"

"Gee, Karev, do I really look that bad?" she asked, annoyed. "Of course I'm not sick. I don't get sick. I just… haven't been sleeping well lately."

"Oookay. Sorry I asked. You just looked kind of miserable, and I felt like I should ask just in case you needed something."

"Don't be sorry. I should be sorry. You were just being nice. I'm sorry I snapped," she apologized. Her eyes widened, and she quickly put her hand to her mouth. She was going to be sick. "You know what? You were right, I _am_ sick, and you probably want to leave fairly quickly unless you want to see something really gross."

Addison pulled a trashcan over. Alex started to turn around and leave, but then decided otherwise. He closed and locked the door and then went to sit next to her.

"I'm serious, Karev. Go," there was a hint of sadness in her voice.

"I've seen puke before, Montgomery. I can deal," he told her as he rested his hand on her back. The contact made her start to cry. "Take some deep breaths, okay?" Noticing a hair tie around her wrist, he pulled it off and put her hair up.

They sat in silence for several minutes with Addison concentrating on breathing and Alex lightly rubbing her back. He didn't expect himself to do ever do something like this for his superior, but she just looked so helpless.

"I really should not have so much cream cheese bagel this morning," she joked, breaking the silence.

"I guess not," Alex laughed. "So how long have you been feeling like this? Should you go home?"

_Shit_, Addison thought_, I am going to have to make this sound convincing._ "Oh, no. It's only been since this morning. I think I had some bad take-out last night. Just didn't settle well." She forced a small smile.

She hadn't made eye contact when she was talking; she had kind of fidgeted and looked to the corner of the room. Alex studied her for a bit. Pale, nauseous, way more emotional than he had ever seen her before, and a hand placed over her stomach in a manner he had seen with patients many times before. He could be wrong, but what the hell, this was already enough of an awkward situation.

"It's not, like… something else, is it?" he pried. "I mean, I probably shouldn't even think of asking you, but…"

"You're observant," was all she could think of to say. This time, she looked him in the eye.

"Shepherd or Sloan?" _Karev, you are SO crossing the line with these questions_, he told himself.

"Sloan."

"He doesn't know, does he?" Alex hoped he didn't.

"Why do you think he magically disappeared from you and Plastics Land so suddenly?" she said bitterly.

Alex was shocked. He certainly hadn't expected this much to happen on his first day under Addison Montgomery.

"Wow," was all he could manage.

"Yeah. My life is a goddamn soap opera."

* * *

**A/N: **Okay. That's it for now. I think this was the longest chapter (word-wise) yet. It's going to start moving along a little more next chapter-- Mark IS coming back. I have a ton of finals next week, but I will really try to update at least once by Sunday and again at least once next week. Hit the review button. It makes me happy :) Thanks guys!


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to ABC. I own nothing.

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

It was Monday, and Addison was ready to begin another day at work. She had just entered her ninth week of pregnancy. Mark had been gone nearly two weeks, and no one had heard from him. Addison was getting along better than she had been, though. Alex, Bailey, Callie, Izzie, and Meredith all had her back and had done a good job of helping to keep everything a secret. She didn't know what she would do if one of the nurses even suspected she was pregnant. Being the subject of hospital gossip was the worst—and she knew this better than most. With the help of her coworkers, her situation was improving. Although morning sickness was just as bad as ever, she was not feeling as stressed because she knew she had people to turn to if she needed anything. Thoughts of Mark were also becoming less frequent, and thoughts of better times to come replaced them. This day was going to be a tough and long one, but she knew she would get through it.

Natalie Lewis was Addison's first patient of the day. She was now just over thirty weeks along in her pregnancy with conjoined twin girls. When Addison entered the room, she found Alex already inside having a friendly conversation with Natalie and her husband Greg.

"Good morning, Natalie and Greg," Addison smiled. "How are you both today?"

"We're pretty good," Greg responded, "Just talking football with Dr. Karev here."

"And I'm just going along with it as if I know what they're talking about," Natalie laughed; Addison, Alex, and Greg joined her. She suddenly stopped laughing, and her face contorted into an expression of pain. "Ouch!"

Addison became concerned. "Everything okay?" she asked.

"Braxton Hicks contractions," Natalie told her. Greg came up to hold her hand. "That one was just a little bit longer and more painful than usual."

"Well we'll check that out, then," Addison said. "Karev, could you roll that monitor and the ultrasound cart over here?"

"Everything's fine, right?" Greg asked, concerned. "We weren't going to do the C-section until at least 32 weeks. We've still got almost two weeks." He tightened his hold on his wife's hand.

Addison began to examine Natalie. She then checked the heartbeats of both babies and checked for any signs of distress. She studied the ultrasound intently. Nothing seemed to be wrong.

"Nothing appears to be wrong," she informed the couple, who let out a sigh of relief. "I would suggest maybe drinking more water, though, Natalie. Sometimes dehydration can increase the intensity of Braxton Hicks contractions. Have you been making an extra effort to stay hydrated?"

"Ugh! I hate having to get up and go to the bathroom every five minutes!" she groaned.

"I know, I know," Addison laughed sympathetically. Then she turned to Alex. "How would you suggest we proceed with a case like this, Karev?"

"Maybe try intravenous fluids to see if that helps? Then keep her overnight for observation if she still doesn't feel comfortable with her condition?" he said hesitantly.

"Sounds like a good solution to me. Just don't sound so doubtful of yourself next time," Addison told her intern. "How does that sound to you, guys? An IV for a little while and then maybe staying for overnight observation?" she asked the Lewises.

The couple looked at each other worriedly. Greg squeezed Natalie's hand in approval. "Sounds good. I just want to be sure everything is okay with our girls," she said to her doctors. "I want to get them to 32 weeks."

"Personally, I think you'll get there," Alex told the couple. "You'll do it."

"And I'm going to agree with that," Addison said with a reassuring smile.

* * *

While Addison was tending to Natalie Lewis, Mark was beginning his first day back at Seattle Grace in ten days. On top of two surgeries that day, he had a lot of work to catch up on. He was hoping to run into Addison. He didn't know what he was going to tell her, even after all the thinking he had done while in New York, and he also was not sure if she would even want to talk to him, but he needed to at least let her know that he was back. Considering all of this, he decided to try to get either Grey or Stevens as his intern for the day. Maybe they could tell him what he wanted to know since they were apparently aware of Addison's situation. If not, he could at least make them do some of his more tedious paperwork. 

"Bailey!" he called after the resident.

She turned around and gave him a death glare. "Yes, Dr. Sloan?" She answered coldly.

"I need an intern," he said sternly. "Assign one of them to me when you are giving out assignments this morning, and don't let it be O'Malley because I don't feel like dealing with that kid's babbling today."

"Yes sir," she responded, annoyed.

Ten minutes later, Meredith Grey found herself assigned to Plastics for the day. _Fantastic_, she thought sarcastically.

"Well if it isn't Dr. Meredith Grey the dirty mistress," Mark teased her as she approached him.

"We're working. I got stuck with you today, so if you could please not mention the dirty mistress thing now, I would really appreciate that," she told him. "Besides, I told you. I am not the dirty mistress anymore."

"Fine. Look, I will treat you professionally today, and I will even let you do real surgical work if you do one thing for me."

"This had better not be a dirty request because if it is, I swear to God I will have Derek come kick your ass," she told him.

"It's not," he said seriously. "I promise." The smirk that was on his face had disappeared, and Meredith knew that this meant it must be something serious.

"Okay. Let's hear it."

"I need you to tell me how Addison has been doing… if she's been angry or sad or sick or if you think she might be pissed at me or—"

"Uh-uh. No. No no no. I am _not_ playing go-between here. I am not going to be your spy," she interrupted.

"Fine, then. I could use a coffee and a blueberry muffin."

"Shut up. I'm not getting you a coffee or a muffin either."

"Then I hope you like playing secretary, Grey, because you are going to be doing a lot of paperwork today," he said angrily.

"Why do you even care how she's doing? You _left_ her, Mark, when she needed you. You. Left. Her. You left and went to who knows where for over a week without telling anyone when you would be back. You didn't even make an effort to contact her at all. So why do you care how she is doing?" Meredith asked him, exasperated.

Mark stood there stunned for several seconds in silence, trying to find words to explain what he felt. Then, he spoke slowly: "I care because I want to fix things, Meredith."

* * *

"Nice job in there, Karev. Quick thinking," Addison said to Alex in the scrub room after a complicated surgery on a newborn. "I didn't even have to tell you what to do. You've really stepped up to the plate." 

"Thanks," he said appreciatively and then proceeded to wash his hands. "Uh… you doing okay today?"

"Yeah. I'm okay," she gave him a small smile. She wasn't expecting what Alex was going to say next.

"Okay. I was just wondering because I saw Grey at lunch, and she said that Sloan is back, and I was just wondering how you were holding up with all that."

Addison was speechless. She didn't know he was back. Alex figured this out by the expression on her face. _Oh shit_, he thought. _I really screwed up here_.

"You… you didn't know?"

She closed her eyes and shook her head in response.

"Sorry, Dr. Montgomery. I just figured that—"

"Don't worry about it," she interrupted. "I'm glad that I heard it from you now rather than finding out for myself by running into him in a hallway. At least now I can try my best to avoid him for the remainder of the day. Thankfully, there isn't that much of the day left."

"Yeah," was all he could think of to say. He felt bad.

"Anyway," she cleared her throat and changed the subject, "Let's go talk to the parents in the NICU about their baby's condition. Then we can go check on Natalie Lewis, see how to proceed with her, and go home."

Alex followed Addison out into the hallway and over to the NICU where they informed the parents of the baby they had just operated on that their baby boy was going to be just fine and would be able to go home by the end of the week. The couple thanked Addison and Alex, who then exited the room to allow them to have time with their child.

On the way to see the Lewises, Addison was met with the sight of the back of Mark's head as she turned a corner. _Damnit_, she cursed the sound of her clicking heels on the floor. She knew he was going to recognize the sound of her walk and turn around. He knew her too well, and she knew him too well. She motioned for Alex to be quiet and then tried to quiet her steps in hopes that Mark would not turn around. She was not prepared to see him or talk to him. Unfortunately, he turned in her direction, and they made eye contact. She quickly spun around and started walking back toward the NICU. Alex stood back.

"Addison," Mark called after her. She kept walking. "We need to talk!"

"Not now, Mark. Not now," she said angrily over her shoulder. "Let's go, Karev. We have a patient to see."

Alex gave Mark a look before taking off to catch up to Addison.

"I love irony," Addison told Alex sarcastically.

"You are going to talk to him, aren't you?"

"Of course I'm going to talk to him," she snapped, but then she calmed down. "Sorry. Yes, I am going to talk to him. Just not today. I wasn't expecting to have to do this today, and I'm just not ready to."

"Okay," Alex told her as they reached the door to Natalie Lewis's room.

Natalie didn't look so good, and consequently, neither did her husband. "I think I'm going to opt for overnight observation," Natalie told Addison.

"I'm thinking that sounds like a good idea. I'm going to check some stuff out, and then we'll see what we can do. I really don't want to have to take you in for the C-section now if I don't absolutely have to."

"How about we just keep her here until she hits 32 weeks?" Alex asked, not sure why Addison hadn't thought of that herself.

Addison smiled. "There we go, Karev. I was hoping you would have suggested that this morning, but as long as you got it now, that works. Natalie and Greg, does that sound all right with you?"

"I'm fine with that," Natalie told them nervously.

"We figured we would probably have to do this," Greg said. "Can I stay with her?"

"Of course," she told him before turning to Natalie. "Try not to worry. We have everything you and your girls could possibly need at this hospital. You _will_ get through this. Your girls are healthy as of right now. Your body is having a little trouble with them at the moment, but that's to be expected with this kind of situation."

"Thank you, Dr. Montgomery," Natalie spoke, wiping away tears.

"Now let's see what's up with the babies," Alex said with a smile.

* * *

"She's avoiding me," Mark told Meredith as they sat in Joe's bar. 

"I would be avoiding you, too, if I were her," she said back. "I mean, what you did wasn't exactly—"

"Damnit, Meredith. Don't you think I know now that it wasn't the right thing to do? I asked you to come here with me because I need help. I fucked up, okay? I know I did. Look. I'm just going to start talking and get out what I have to say before I say something else stupid."

"Okay," she said quietly.

"My whole life, no one has ever really given me a chance. No one ever expected anything of me. My dad was never around growing up. He didn't care. He sent me checks on birthdays and Christmases and put me through med school, but that was it. My mother got remarried before I even learned to talk. My stepfather was an ass. When he wasn't at work and she wasn't drinking in her room, they were out at parties drinking together. I raised myself. I met Derek in the third grade, and by the end of that year, I had become a part of the only family I had ever known. I was a good kid. They made me want to be a good kid, despite the fact that my real family didn't give a shit about what I did. But then high school happened. Derek and I stayed friends, but while he had the steady girlfriend all the way up until college, I was the one with the new girlfriend every week. I messed around more than I should have, and everyone was surprised when I was able to get into school with Derek. No one expected me to be able to pull it off, but I did. In college, we met Addison."

He paused to take a drink and to look at Meredith. She was completely wrapped up in the story.

"Addison became my best friend," he continued. "She didn't grow up with me. She didn't know me as the guy who messed around all the time. She saw something in me that no one else did. She believed that I had the potential to not be a screw-up. If I did something stupid, she would call me out on it. She kept me in line because she _cared_ about what happened to me like no one else did or ever had. I fell in love with that. But then, of course, she was Derek's girlfriend, and then fiancée, and then his wife. And one night when she needed someone more than ever, I was there when Derek wasn't. And you know the rest."

"You fell in love with her again," she said softly, still shocked by Mark's revelation.

"No, I didn't," he said. "That's just it—I have never _stopped_ loving her. I thought I could make things work with her after Derek left, but when she fully realized what we had done, she started to freak out. And I didn't know what to do. I started to feel guilty for messing up my best friends' marriage. I couldn't believe that even I had sunk that low. I messed up bad, and then I didn't know what to do anymore, so I went and messed things up worse. She found me making out with a nurse. It was only once, but by the next day she was gone. I can't forgive myself for that. I shouldn't forgive myself for that. I have hurt her so much. And then ten days ago, I ran from her when I found out that she was having _my_ baby. _Our_ baby. I did it because I was scared, Meredith. I was scared because of how much I have messed up in my life and in Addison's life. I didn't run away because I didn't care. As much as I tried to make myself think I didn't care, I couldn't do it because, goddamnit, I do care."

Before Meredith could say anything, Derek walked into the bar, obviously looking for her. His eyes fell upon his girlfriend sitting at a table with his ex-best friend. Naturally, he got the wrong idea, glared at Meredith and Mark, and promptly left.

* * *

**A/N: **Oh man. DRAMA! Haha :) This chapter came out a lot faster than I thought it would. Please review and tell me what you thought since a lot happened in this chapter. Thanks for reading! 


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to ABC. I own nothing.

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

"Derek! Damnit, Derek! Stop! He needed my help with something! Listen to me!" Meredith called out as she frantically chased her boyfriend out the door of Joe's and into the parking lot. Just as she reached his car, he looked her in the eyes and locked the doors, and tears began to fall down her cheeks. "Wait, Derek. Listen to me. Please listen to me. Roll down the window. Please!" she begged him. He put the key in the ignition and turned it. Then Meredith got desperate and said what she knew she shouldn't but what she knew would get him to listen. "Mark got Addison pregnant!"

Derek could not believe what Meredith had just said. He shut the engine off and opened his car door. "Mark did what?" he asked, not sure if he had actually heard correctly.

"Mark got Addison pregnant," she repeated shakily. "It's supposed to be a secret for now, and I shouldn't even be telling you, but I couldn't have you thinking that there was something between me and Mark. He needed my advice. He didn't make any advances. I swear, Derek. He just wanted help in trying to fix things with Addison."

* * *

"So I hear I should be congratulating you?" Derek asked Addison when they were alone in the attending locker room two days later. 

"For what, Derek? For being number one on your 'people I hate most' list?" she retorted while rolling her eyes. She really was sick of his childish crap.

"You and Mark. The baby," he smirked. "I think we're even now, you know. I mean, with you having to raise a child alone for the next eighteen years. I think that's punishment enough."

Addison was furious. Derek had said and done some pretty mean-spirited things to her in the past, but this time he had absolutely crossed the line. She didn't even have time to consider how he might have found out and from whom; she just wanted to completely shut him down for what he had just said.

"Are you kidding me, Derek? You have _got_ to be joking." she laughed bitterly. "Are you _still_ playing the victim here? Are you _seriously_ calling an innocent child a _punishment_? Because, Derek, you can say all the shit you want about me, but don't you _dare_ say anything negative about my child. He or she is _not_ a punishment—quite the opposite. This is a _good _thing for me. This is the _best_ thing that has happened to me in a_ long_ time, even though I will be doing it alone. So, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but you will not get any sick pleasure out of seeing me suffer. Now if you will excuse me, I have to perform a C-section on a high-risk patient in less than an hour."

Derek was completely taken aback. Addison observed this and was proud of herself for being able to wipe the smugness off his face. She finished tying her sneakers, smoothed down her scrubs, and walked out of the room, leaving Derek in silence.

Addison's patient that morning was not only high-risk, but her child was also born with a cleft lip and palate. It was a fairly common and easy to fix deformity, and they had picked it up in an ultrasound before the birth. Even though nothing could be done until the baby was a few months old, the parents still needed to speak with a plastic surgeon. Of course, only the best plastic surgeon would be acceptable. 

"I'll tell him," Alex said to Addison. "I'll ask him to come down to do a consult. You don't even have to be here for it. I can stand in for you, and I'll deal with him."

"I appreciate the offer, Karev, but I need to start somewhere with him. Talking on a professional level would be the easiest," she told him.

"I guess you're right," he paused. "Can I do anything? Like… anything?"

Addison smiled. "No thanks. Really, I'm okay."

"Okay, just let me know."

"Actually, there is one thing, and I'll understand if you don't want to do it, but it's just that…," she stopped for a second, not sure if she should continue since it would mean getting her intern even more involved in her personal problems. "It's just that Derek approached me in the locker room this morning with an obnoxious 'congratulations' about the baby."

"Dude. Montgomery. I didn't tell him, I swear," he told her, worried that she suspected him.

"I didn't think you did. You aren't the only intern who knows about all of this. Grey and Stevens know too, and—"

"And you think Grey told him?" he finished for her.

"Yeah, I think she did."

"I'll talk to her about it. I'll ask her. Don't worry about any of it and just go get Sloan for the consult."

"Thanks, Karev."

* * *

Mark was looking at the OR board when he felt a familiar presence behind him. After all he had done, he figured it was in his best interest to not turn around or make any sudden movements. He would allow her to approach him if she really wanted. 

"Mark," Addison spoke from behind him. He turned to face her. Her tone and eyes were emotionless, all professional. "I have a newborn with a cleft lip and palate, and I need you to look at him and consult with the parents."

"Okay," he spoke quietly. "Let's go."

He and Addison began their walk across the hospital to the patient's room. He wanted so badly to ask her how she was feeling or if he could help her with anything, but he knew that if he really wanted things to work, he needed to take things very slowly. They walked without speaking for a couple minutes before Addison broke the silence.

"You didn't have to come with me right away. This isn't urgent, so if you had something else to do…" she trailed off.

"No, it's fine. I'm done with surgeries for the day." He paused, not sure how to continue. He decided to keep things professional. "So how severe is the deformity?"

"It's not bad. The parents just wanted you because I told them you're the best. It's a unilateral complete cleft. You've done plenty of those before, so I'm sure it won't be difficult."

"Yeah, I can do it," he said, trying hard not to sound too cocky. As they neared the patient's room, he decided to ask what had been on his mind for days. "How are you feeling?"

Addison stopped in her tracks and looked at him blankly. "I'm fine, thank you."

"Okay," he said, giving her a small nervous smile.

* * *

"Hey, Grey!" Alex called out to Meredith who was standing at the nurses station with Derek's arms wrapped around her. "I need to talk to you." 

Confused, Meredith reluctantly broke free of Derek's embrace and walked toward Alex.

"What?" she asked him as he led her down a hall to an empty on-call room.

"Listen," he whispered as he closed the door behind them. "I hate to ask you this, but… did you tell Shepherd about Montgomery and the baby?"

Meredith sat down on the bottom bed and looked up at Alex nervously. "Yes, but—"

"What the hell were you thinking? You knew he wasn't supposed to know yet!" he whispered angrily.

"I know, Alex! But Mark came to me asking for advice on what to do to make things up to Addison, and before we could really talk, Derek walked in to see us at Joe's together. He freaked out and assumed we were there 'together,' and I had to chase after him to explain. If I hadn't told him the truth, he wouldn't have listened."

"He gave her a hard time about it, just so you know."

"I was in a tough position, and I acted on impulse like I always do, and I'm sorry. I'll talk to Derek about it and get him to leave her alone because she doesn't need stress from him now."

"So you're on her side?"

"Of course I'm on her side."

"Good, because she's having a rough time. She won't say it, but just from working with her every day, I can sense it. She's worn down. Fix things with Shepherd, and talk sense into Sloan if you can since it sounds like he trusts you."

"Okay. I will," she told her friend as he opened the door to leave. "Watch out for her, Alex." He closed the door behind him, leaving her to think.

She lay down on the mattress and began to reflect on the conversation with Alex and the events of the last few days. Why did Derek come so close to driving away from her without allowing her to explain that night at Joe's? Why did he assume that she had gone to the bar "with" Mark? Shouldn't he know that she was completely in love with him? _He should_, she thought. And why is he still so spiteful toward Addison? She was his _wife_ for more than eleven years. Why does he feel the need to continue to inflict pain on her when the panties and the divorce should have been enough? She and Derek needed to have a serious talk if this relationship was going to work.

The door opened and Derek stepped inside. Meredith had figured that he would probably come in after he saw Alex leave. He locked the door behind him, walked over to Meredith, and bent down to kiss her mouth. He started to kiss her hard, but he stopped when he realized she wasn't reciprocating.

"Meredith?" He asked, concerned. "What's wrong?"

"Derek," she began hesitantly, "can we talk about some stuff?"

* * *

Mark waited for Addison to finish up talking with the parents of the newborn with the cleft lip and palate. He watched her answer questions and smile and interact with at the parents and their new baby. She was so good at her job. _And she looks gorgeous, too_, Mark thought. As he stood next to the door, he started thinking about how badly he had messed up. She was everything he could ever want. She had done so much for him over the years, and now she was going to be the mother of his child. How was he going to get her to forgive him? How was he going to get her to trust him again? 

"Dr. Sloan?" Addison's voice interrupted his thoughts. "Are we ready to go?"

"Hm? Oh. Yeah."

They said their goodbyes to the family and stepped out into the hall. Addison was dreading this. She had not expected him to wait for her.

"So… um…" Mark started, clearly uncomfortable also. He was never one to be at a loss for words, but he was now. He didn't want to mess this up. "Whenever you want to talk about everything, I'll be ready, Addison."

"Okay," she said softly, not sure what to think. She was thankful that he wasn't going to push her into a conversation, but today, she felt that she was as ready as she would ever be.

Mark turned to walk away, but Addison grabbed his arm to stop him.

"I'm ready to talk," she told him, releasing his arm as soon as he turned around. Mark gave her a nervous nod and followed her to her office. She laid down on the couch while Mark took a seat in one of the chairs at her desk. For a few minutes, neither said anything. Addison focused on her breathing in order to keep her emotions in check.

"Mark, I just want to let you know that I don't expect you to be involved in this pregnancy or in this child's life at all. Everything was no-strings-attached when this happened, and I think that should apply to this, too. You can sign away your parental rights and not owe me or my child anything. I am prepared to do this by myself. If it means quitting my job until he or she starts school, I can do it. I just don't want to make you feel obligated to be a father and then have you end up resenting your child. So there you have it. That's how I feel about everything."

Mark was crushed to hear that Addison didn't think he wanted anything to do with her or the baby. He was also amazed at how she was willing to sacrifice her job, her absolute passion. He stood up from the chair and approached the couch where Addison lay. He reached to move her feet aside so he could sit next to her, but she quickly turned on her side and pulled her legs up to her chest, curling up in a ball. _She doesn't even want me to touch her_, he thought. Finally, he began to speak, his voice coming through in a shaky tone that surprised even him.

"Addison, I want another chance. I know that's a lot to ask. It might even be too much to ask, but during the time I was gone, I did more serious thinking than I ever have about anything. Addie, you were the first and have been the only person to come into my life and expect the best from me. You never treated me like a screw-up, even though you have watched me make mistake after mistake. You always had faith that I could be a better person if I tried. You have always treated me like an equal even when no one else did. But even after all you have done for me, I let you down. I let you down when I broke up your marriage. I let you down when I cheated on you in New York. I let you down when I left two weeks ago. I have hurt you so much, and I don't want to ever hurt you again. Addie, I want to be here for you when you need me. I want to be here for you through this pregnancy. I want to be here for you when you go into labor, and I want to help you bring this child into the world. I want that child to be _our_ child, not just yours. I want this more than anything. Addison, please give me one last chance to be the person you thought I could be. I won't mess it up."

By the time Mark finished, he was more than surprised to find that his face felt hot and that he was nearly in tears. This was a feeling he had only experienced a few other times in his life. It was very uncharacteristic of him. Addison, on the other hand, was completely crying. Her tears were silent and had started slipping down her face and onto the leather couch.

"I can't do it, Mark," she choked out. "I can't let you break me again. Derek broke me, then you broke me more, then Derek did it again, and then you did it after that. There won't be anything left of me if it were to happen again, and I can't risk that when I have someone else completely dependent on me. I won't deny you access to your child, but I need you to understand that right now, I can't just let you back into my life just because you tell me all of this. I want to believe it, Mark. I really do, but we haven't been on good terms for more than a year now. It's going to take a lot more than a two-minute speech to get me to trust you again."

"Okay," he told her gently. "I'm going to prove to you that I meant everything I said. I promise I'm going to prove it to you. I'm tired of being who I was. I want to start over. I'll take it slow, and I won't rush you into anything. Just give me one last chance, Addie."

"Okay," she whispered, wiping tears from her face and brushing them off the couch. Addison knew that she was once again leaving herself open to hurt, but Mark had said too many things that she had wanted to hear. And she just wanted things to be normal and okay.

Mark scooted over closer to her and hesitantly reached out a hand. "Come here," he said. "Just forget about who I am for a second, okay?" Addison looked up at him, almost with a look of fear, but she allowed him to pull her upright and then cradle her against his chest. It had been such a long time since someone had held her, and now, she needed it. He could feel her tears through his shirt. He inhaled her scent and rested his chin on her head. Mark was never good with feelings, but seeing this woman, who was usually so full of fire, reduced to such a vulnerable state broke his heart. "I'm so sorry, Addie. I'm so sorry."

* * *

I couldn't stand keeping them apart any longer... haha. Mark still has a long way to go, but for now, things are looking up for him and Addie. Meredith and Derek on the other hand, not so much. Next chapter will probably have something about that. Meredith is also going to talk to Addison, and Mark will be warned not to break Addison by multiple people. That's all I can think of for now. Thanks again for reading and reviewing, you guys! Tell me what you think! 


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: **Shonda/ABC own the characters and the show and everything. I own nothing.

**A/N: **Okay. So I said I would have something out by Thursday night, but this chapter just wanted to be difficult. I had some stuff written yesterday, but I wasn't happy with it. I like the way this version came out much more (it's long, too!). So here you guys go. Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. Let me know what you think about this one!

* * *

**Chapter Nine**

"I brought you a present," Meredith told Mark two mornings later in the parking lot. She had arrived early so she could catch him before he went in for the day.

"What kind of present?" Mark asked her, suspicious.

Meredith pulled a large paper bag from a local bookstore out from behind her back and handed it to Mark, who was looking at her curiously. Inside the bag were three books. He pulled each one of them out to examine the titles.

"What do we have here? _Expectant Father__: Facts, Tips and Advice for Dads-to-Be_, _The Idiot's Guide to Being an Expectant Father_, and _The Caveman's Pregnancy Companion_," he laughed. "Wow. You must really think I need help."

Meredith smiled. "I wasn't sure which one was the best, so I just got you all three. Besides, with Addison knowing as much as she does about this kind of thing, you've got some catching up to do. If you read up, maybe you can impress her."

"Grey, you are a lifesaver. You have no idea. Any surgery you want in on, you've got it. I owe you big time," he told her appreciatively. He couldn't wait to start reading and was already leafing through one of the books.

"Now just stop smiling," she joked. "People are going to know something's up if Dr. Mark Sloan the notorious bad-ass walks in grinning like an idiot."

"Good call," he told her, his face immediately assuming its usual serious expression. "Now get inside before anyone suspects anything."

"Of course, Dr. Sloan." Meredith smirked. "This conversation… never happened."

* * *

When Addison opened her locker that morning, a small yellow piece of paper slipped out and fell at her feet. 

_Addison,_

_I'm having lunch in my office at 1:30._

_I made my specialty. Join me if you'd like._

_Have a good morning. See you later?._

_-Mark_

She wasn't sure what to make of it. It seemed pretty innocent. Except why lunch in his office? Why not in the cafeteria like everyone else? _Privacy, maybe_, she thought. _I mean, we do have some serious talking to do_. She decided to consult Bailey. Bailey always knew the right answer. Addison found her near the nurse's station getting ready to give out assignments to her interns for the day. She waited for her to finish and then approached her.

"Miranda," she said hesitantly, handing her friend the note. "I need some advice, but before you say anything, I need to tell you about the conversation I had with him on Monday."

Miranda read the note, and then Addison proceeded to tell her the story of everything that had occurred with Mark that day. She told her about how Mark's speech had been pretty much everything she had wanted to hear. It was so sincere, and when he held her, she had felt so secure, like nothing else mattered for the moment. It had stopped her tears. He wanted her, and he wanted the baby. She wanted it to work out, but she knew how Mark could be.

"I need you to tell me what to do, Miranda. You always know what to do, so set me straight on this one, please."

Bailey looked up at Addison and then back down at Mark's note.

"Stupid, stupid man," she muttered. "Well, I think lunch sounds safe enough. As long as he takes it _incredibly_ slow with you, it should be all right for you to give him one more chance, at least for the sake of the baby. But the _second_ he messes up, Addison, you drop him. The absolute _second_, you hear me?"

"Okay," Addison said with a small, hopeful smile.

"What is his 'specialty' anyway? That isn't code for something nasty is it?" Bailey asked suspiciously.

Addison laughed, and her face broke out into a full grin. "Actually, Mark's specialty is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on wheat bread, cut diagonally with the crusts cut off."

"All that cutting. That's a surgeon right there. Now shouldn't you get up to the NICU before Karev does something stupid?"

"I should, you're right. Thank you so much, Miranda," she said to her friend.

"No problem. Just let me know how it goes and if I need to kick some ass."

The two women turned and walked in their separate directions. As Addison made her way toward her wing of the hospital, she found herself feeling more optimistic about her situation. Maybe things _could_ work out with Mark, and even if they didn't, she had people that would back her up.

"Good morning, Montgomery," Alex said, handing her an open chart.

She examined it and smiled. He had already done the morning check on Natalie Lewis and her babies. "Nice work, Karev," she told him, impressed. "Looks like everything is going well, too."

"Yep. No contractions, no high blood pressure, no strange pressure anywhere; she's feeling good this morning. And the twins seem to be hanging in there, too. Heartbeats are strong, and their movements are normal."

"Sounds great. Thanks for taking it upon yourself to do that before I got up here with an assignment. You knew I was going to have you do it anyway, so taking the initiative was very responsible of you."

"No problem," he told her. "Now how are you feeling today?"

"I'm actually feeling pretty good this morning," she responded happily. She whispered the next part. "I'm going to meet him for lunch in his office today. We had a talk on Monday, and—"

"If he does _anything_ to upset you, I'm going to kick his ass," he whispered back protectively.

"You and Bailey both," she laughed.

* * *

Mark found himself working with his favorite dirty mistress that day. This was convenient because he would be able to ask Meredith about what he should do if Addison takes him up on his lunch offer. He would also be able to pay her back with surgeries, which was always a huge thing for an intern. 

"I asked her to lunch today," he said to Meredith when they were alone in a hallway. "I talked to her Monday, and she's giving me another chance."

"What did you say to her to get her to agree to that?"

"I was honest. I told her what I told you that night at Joe's."

Meredith smiled. "And now you're making the first move and asking her to lunch."

"Yeah, except I wrote her a note about it and stuck it in her locker. She might not even be ready for it, so I'm not expecting her to show. But if she does, I need to know what to talk about."

"And you want me to help you with that?"

"Yeah… if you could."

Meredith thought for a moment. "I guess start off with thanking her for giving you another chance and for meeting you for lunch. You're clearly nervous about all of this because you want it to work so badly, so you could even tell her that if you want to."

"Okay," Mark said, mentally taking notes.

"Then ask her how she's feeling. See if you can go with her to her next prenatal appointment. Just kind of let her know that you're there for her. She'll probably have questions for you, and whatever they are, answer them honestly," Meredith told him. "Also, avoid the sexual innuendos. Seriously. You need to make sure she knows you're serious about everything and that it isn't just a game for you."

"Okay," Mark said seriously. "I can do that."

"Lighten up, Mark. You're going to be fine. It's pretty obvious how badly you want this, and I think she will be able to see that. I mean, since when do _you_ come to an _intern_ for advice?" Meredith teased.

"True," Mark laughed. "So, uh, how are you and Derek after that whole scene the other night?"

"Derek is… kind of pissing me off right now, actually."

* * *

Lunchtime came around quickly. Addison's morning had been pretty uneventful. No surgeries, no incurably sick babies, nothing too difficult. She had even been able to discharge a preemie, and he was allowed to go home with his parents after three weeks in the NICU. Overall, the morning had been a good one. She was anxiously making her way to Mark's office when she met Meredith in the stairwell. Addison wasn't exactly pleased to see Meredith after her conversation with Derek the other morning. She was just going to walk past her, but Meredith stopped her. 

"Dr. Montgomery?"

"Yes, Dr. Grey?" she responded, trying not to sound too bitter.

"I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for telling Derek about the baby. It's just that—"

"I don't care, Dr. Grey. Everyone is going to find out eventually, so you and Derek can go tell whoever the hell you want about the potential trainwreck that is my life, okay?"

"I'm not going to tell anyone! The only reason I told Derek was because I had been talking with Mark at Joe's, and he saw us together and assumed that we had some sort of a 'thing,' when we don't. I ran after him to the parking lot, and he was about to pull away without even giving me a chance to explain until I just yelled him through his window what was going on. I told him that you're pregnant with Mark's child and that Mark just wanted advice on how to fix things with you and that's why I was with him at Joe's. I had no idea that he would turn around and give you a hard time about it, I promise. I didn't think he would even say anything to you about it. So I'm really sorry," Meredith said, talking a mile-a-minute in order to get out everything she wanted to say before Addison interrupted her. "I really am sorry, and I really hope you forgive me because I am on your side with all of this."

Addison was surprised. Meredith did seem to actually care. She also was touched by the fact that Mark had gone to someone for suggestions on what to do. This counted as further evidence that Mark was serious about everything he said to her.

"Thank you, Dr. Grey… Meredith," Addison said to the intern. She was still a little upset.

Meredith gave her a small smile. "And don't worry about Derek telling anyone because he currently doesn't have anyone to tell anything to."

"You guys are having problems…?" she asked, confused.

"He's being overly possessive right now, and I can't deal with that. He's also acting like a five year-old with you. Both of these things are really getting in the way of a healthy relationship, and because we interns are starting residency soon, I don't have the time or patience to deal with that."

This also surprised Addison. She never saw Meredith as someone who could make a mature decision.

"That's very smart of you, but really, Meredith, he will come around. I know he loves you. Just give him time."

"I know. It's just that this pouty-whiny thing of his is really annoying."

Addison laughed. "Yeah, it is. I went through that with him more than a few times." She paused for a second—she was discussing Derek with his old mistress and not feeling consumed with anger or sadness. She felt a bit of nostalgia, but nothing too painful, which was a big step for her. "Well, Grey, I have to get going. Thank you for letting me know about what happened. Now I can go back to liking you again."

"You wouldn't happen to be going to meet someone upstairs for lunch, would you?" She smirked.

"He told you about that?"

"He told me a lot of things. And like you told me about Derek… just give him time. I don't know if my opinion means anything, but we had a fairly deep talk the other night, and he seemed completely serious and ready to make things right with you. And not just for the sake of the baby—he wanted it for you."

Addison gave Meredith an apprehensive smile and nod before continuing up the stairs to meet Mark. When she reached the door, she adjusted her lab coat and smoothed down her hair. Then she knocked.

"Hey," she said softly when he opened the door.

"Hey," he said back with a grin. He allowed her to step in, and he closed the door behind her. "I honestly didn't think you would show."

"I wasn't too sure about it, but I think it was the promise of your famous peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that won me over," she joked. "But seriously, Mark, I would have come even without the sandwiches. When I told you I was giving you a chance, I meant it. Besides, we have a lot to talk about."

He looked at her. _God, she's beautiful_. The sapphire-blue silk blouse that she was wearing made her blue-green eyes look stunning, and her black pencil skirt that hit just above the knee showed off just enough of her legs. He couldn't help but feel lucky to have this woman in his life, even if they weren't on the best of terms at the moment. They walked across the room to his desk, and he pulled out a chair for her to sit facing him.

"Before I get out the sandwiches, I want to show you something Grey got for me," he told her excitedly. His face was absolutely beaming when he pulled out the three books Meredith had given him that morning in the parking lot. He lay them out in front of her. _This is the perfect ice-breaker_, he thought.

Addison looked at the titles inquisitively, but once she realized what they were, her facial expression changed to match Mark's. _He's trying_. _He's really trying_, she thought happily. She didn't know what to say she was so touched at his excitement and by Meredith's effort to help.

"Do they look like good books?" He asked. "I wasn't sure which one was the best, so I just started with the first one that looked like it was written in a language I could understand. _The Caveman's Pregnancy Companion_ was written for guys by a guy, so I'm twenty-seven pages into that," he told her proudly.

Addison grinned even wider. Finally she managed to look up at him. _Oh my god, does he want me to cry or what?,_ she thought to herself.

"Mark, okay. First tip. Don't pull something like this on me when I'm hungry or tired or else these stupid hormones are going to make me cry," she told him, fighting back tears of happiness.

He looked at her and laughed. "Sorry, Addie. I guess that means you like the books then?"

"I love the books, and I love that you've already started reading one, but now I'm really freaking hungry. Where are the damn sandwiches?"

"Hmmm…I don't know if I remember where I put them…" he teased, looking under stacks of papers as he pretended to look for the sandwiches.

"Damnit, Mark. I want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich RIGHT. NOW."

They were both laughing by the time she finished her sentence. Mark walked over to the mini-fridge in the corner of his office and pulled out three sandwiches, a fruit salad, and two bottles of water.

"I can't believe I forgot that I left them in the refrigerator. Who would have thought of putting _food_ in a _refrigerator_, Add?"

"Oh my God, Mark Sloan. Sandwich. Now."

"Say 'pleeeease.'"

"Fine. Please."

Mark laughed and handed her one of the sandwiches. It was in a plastic bag, and it was cut just like he always cut them: diagonally down the middle and without the crust. She quickly tore open the bag, grabbed the sandwich, and took a huge bite.

"Mmmmm… this is the best sandwich I have ever had in my whole life," she told him with her mouth full.

Mark sat down across from her, and took a bite of his sandwich. "Yeah. I'm not going to even pretend to deny it. I am pretty much the best sandwich maker on the planet. And this one has peanut butter, which means it has folic acid, which is good for you and the baby."

Addison couldn't believe how well their lunch meeting was going already. She didn't want to call it a lunch date yet, but it really was going nicely. She smiled at him, and they continued to eat in silence for a couple minutes. It wasn't an awkward silence at all, though. It was surprisingly comfortable.

"So… how have you been feeling lately? And by lately, I mean since you first found out about all of this." He was kind of nervous talking about serious things, but Meredith had suggested asking this.

"I've only known a few days longer than you, actually, and honestly, it hasn't been all that fantastic. As you have probably noticed, I am a hormonal mess, and that just is _not_ like me at all. And it's also kind of difficult to be a surgeon when you feel gross all the time. Like, I had to tell Karev about everything because he caught me leaning over a trashcan in an on-call room."

Mark looked at her sympathetically. He felt bad that she was having to deal with all of this by herself.

"Does anything ease that kind of thing?"

"Morning sickness? Other than time, not really. A lot of my patients have sworn by ginger ale, so I've been drinking a lot of that. It doesn't miraculously make it disappear, but it settles my stomach a little bit."

"So I should add ginger ale to my shopping list?"

"Since when do you keep a shopping list?"

"Since never, but I could start to," he told her. She laughed at him.

"Then sure, you can put ginger ale on your first-ever shopping list."

For the next thirty minutes, Addison and Mark continued their lunch, talking intermittently about hospital gossip, the difficulties of apartment hunting and moving, and recent surgeries. Finally, it was time for them to go back to work.

"Thank you for this, Mark. Really. This went so much better than I expected."

"Honestly, it went better than I expected, too. I expected it to be painfully awkward. I was afraid we couldn't even be friends anymore."

"Well, I think this definitely shows we can at the very least be friends," she smiled. "Thank you for not pushing me into anything too soon. I really appreciate it."

"I owe it to you, Addison." He paused, not sure how to ask what he wanted to. "Uh… When is your next prenatal appointment?"

"October 10th at 7:30 in the morning. Nancy is flying in. She's my OB. You're… um… welcome to come with me… if you want. I'll be at 12 weeks then." She hoped he would want to go.

"I'll be there," he told her.

"Great," she said slightly nervously. She couldn't believe how well this had gone. "I guess I should go."

"Yeah." He was so happy that she was letting him in this much already.

Addison turned and walked towards the door, but as she went to grab the handle, she stopped and turned back around. "Hey, Mark?"

"Yes?"

"Can I… hug you?"

He smirked and laughed. "Can you hug me?" He walked over to her. "You can hug me as long as I can hug you back."

"Deal," she told him as she wrapped her arms around him. He pulled her closer, and she tightened her hold on him. They stood like that until Mark's pager went off.

"I'll see you later," Addison told him before lightly kissing him on the cheek. She pulled away and smiled happily at him before leaving the room, overjoyed that things were finally looking up.

* * *

Okay. That was a REALLY long chapter (are long chapters okay or are shorter ones better?). Tell me what you guys thought. Thanks for reading :) And again, sorry that this is a day late. Hopefully I'll get something else out by Sunday night, but if not then, DEFINITELY by Tuesday night. I've got exams this week again, and that totally sucks. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** Grey's Anatomy and its characters belong to Shonda Rhimes/ABC.

**A/N: **I tried to update this as early as I could since my last update was late, so if you haven't read the last chapter, do that before you read this one because otherwise, it won't make sense. Also, there is an upsetting scene in this chapter, but it needed to happen. If you want to skip the last part, you will be able to because of the way I'm going to write the next chapter. It will still make sense.

* * *

**Chapter Ten**

The next two and a half weeks flew by for Addison and Mark. Their lunch dates became more frequent (Addison now thought of them as "dates" rather than "meetings"), but their relationship remained platonic. How Mark was able to keep this up and not do anything to make Addison uncomfortable, he had no idea, but Addison definitely appreciated it.

In addition to their lunch dates, they were beginning to talk more openly in the hospital, which of course started the Seattle Grace Rumor mill. It also earned them even more looks of disapproval from Derek, but they were somehow able to ignore all of it. Mark was also at Addison's side on days where she felt particularly sick. He had started putting pretzels and crackers in her locker in addition to ginger ale since he read that those kinds of things could help with morning sickness. His reading was going well. He had highlights and sticky notes and folded page corners throughout the first book, and every time he found something that he found particularly interesting, he told Addison about it. Usually, she already knew whatever it was, but she loved the fact that he was trying so hard.

Addison would be at twelve weeks starting the next day, and Nancy's flight was set to get in at 7:30 that evening for the prenatal check-up the following morning. Both Addison and Mark were very excited, and before they had to go on-call for the day, Mark had come up to Addison's office for a visit. He found her sitting on the couch staring distantly out the window. She was worrying.

"Did you know that the baby is like three inches long now?" he asked as he walked up to her, smiling.

Addison turned around, forced a small smile, and placed her hand over her stomach. "Yep. Pretty amazing, huh?" She sounded more distracted than amazed.

"Are you okay?" he asked, noticing her tone. He moved to sit next to her.

"I don't know. I've just been thinking," she responded. "It's just that… I don't want this to come off the wrong way, but… how have you managed to pull a complete 180 in just a few weeks?"

Mark didn't know the answer to that question himself, so he took several seconds to prepare an answer. "That didn't come off the wrong way. You have every right to ask me that. And honestly, Addison, I don't know how I've been able to do this. What's even more surprising is that ever since I got back to Seattle, this change hasn't even been difficult to keep up, especially since our talk that one day. It's been completely natural, and I haven't even had to think about it. It's so strange that I'm afraid that one day, I'm just going to fuck it up and ruin everything I've done since I got back here."

"Where did you go when you were gone, anyway?" She asked him curiously. They had never discussed anything about his absence.

"I went to New York. I thought going back there would give me some sort of peace of mind. I needed to get out of Seattle and live my old life again," he paused and looked at her, knowing from the look on her face that she knew exactly what his 'old life' involved. "I never felt so empty in my whole life. I didn't have anything there. At least when you and Derek were out here, I had my job, but last month, I just had myself, which caused me to do a _lot_ of thinking. I thought about myself as a kid and how my dad was never there. I still resent him even though I probably haven't spent more than a collective week with the guy in my whole life. I didn't want to be the father who might as well not exist. And also I thought about you, Addie," he smiled. "You are incredible, and I don't want to lose you. I don't want to ruin anything."

"You haven't ruined anything up so far. You've been perfect. So perfect that I started worrying," she laughed nervously.

"Good because I want to _stay_ perfect. I guess it's been possible because I know how much I have to lose. Every day now I think about how grateful I am that you have given me this chance to reconnect with you and share a child with you."

Unsure of how to respond, Addison simply took his hand in hers and lightly ran her thumb over his knuckles as a look of happiness spread across her face. She then leaned back against his chest and brought his hand to rest on her stomach for the first time, wordlessly thanking him for making things so much easier for her.

"So three inches is a pretty small human, huh?" She asked, staring up at him with a familiar look in her eyes, a look he recognized immediately.

"Yeah," he managed to breathe out before she gently pulled him down to kiss her. The kiss was intense. Neither one had any idea how they had been able to resist the other for nearly three months. When pulled back for air, Addison was completely blushing, and Mark was giving her his infamous smirk. "Well I guess we've still got it."

"Mmm… yes. I think we definitely do," she giggled before leaning in again for more. Suddenly, a pager went off; it was Addison's. She climbed off Mark and looked at it. "Shit. 911 on Natalie Lewis. I've got to go right now. I'll see you for lunch!"

She ran out of her office, down the hallway, and into Natalie's room where there were already a few nurses inside.

"Her blood pressure was up in the night, and this morning, it's way too high," one nurse told her.

"Natalie, I think today might be the day," Addison told the younger woman. "You held onto them a week longer than we hoped for, so you've done well. Everything is going to be fine, but the girls need to come out, okay?"

"Okay," she whispered through tears, her husband kissing her forehead. "I'm ready."

Alex entered the room amidst all the chaos. _Oh damn_, he thought. _Not cool_. "What can I do, Montgomery?"

"Run and book an OR. If they have to bump someone, do it. We need it as soon as possible," she told him.

Less than an hour later, Natalie and Greg Lewis became the proud parents of Lillianna Grace and Lindsey Kathleen. Despite being conjoined and seven weeks early, they were relatively healthy girls for their size, weighing in at a combined 8 pounds, 2 ounces. After settling Natalie in Recovery, Addison led Greg into the NICU to meet his daughters. Alex was already there with a few NICU nurses, smiling down at their incubator.

"Congratulations, man," Alex said to Greg, who was washing his hands in preparation for reaching into the incubator. "They're doing great right now."

"Here are your daughters, Greg," Addison told him happily. "You won't be able to hold them just yet. We need to monitor them for a few days first to make sure everything is in working order, but you can reach in and touch them."

He looked in on his daughters, and his heart melted immediately. "Wow. This is definitely what they call 'love at first sight,'" he laughed. He grinned proudly and reached in with both hands, taking hold of Lillianna's left foot and Lindsey's right. Addison and Alex stood next to each other watching this first meeting.

"Glad you picked neonatal, Karev?"

"Shut up, Montgomery," he said jokingly.

Addison's pager went off again. _911 incoming_. "We've got an emergency case coming in. Let's go get ready to meet them. Greg, congratulations again. I'm sure we will be back up to check on you guys again before Natalie even wakes up."

The three said their goodbyes, and Addison and Alex took off to meet their incoming patient.

"What have we got?"

"Joanna Morgan, age 34, 28 weeks pregnant. She went in to see her OB earlier as a precaution because she wasn't feeling the baby move around, and she was diagnosed with Maternal Floor Infarction."

"Okay. Thank you," Addison said to the EMT. Then she turned to Joanna, "Joanna, I'm Dr. Montgomery and this is Dr. Karev. We're going to help you with this today. Your doctor told you what has to happen, right?"

"You have to deliver the baby today," the woman replied in a shaky voice as Addison and Alex rushed her into the hospital.

Before Addison could answer, Alex jumped in. "We do, but from looking at your chart, it looks like you caught this early enough that he could still be okay in there."

"Dr. Karev is right," she assured the frightened woman.

"Okay. Okay then," Joanna said through tears. "Could you have someone call my husband? He works right down the street from here, and if I could have him here for this, it would be so much easier."

"Karev, could you do that while I prep her for surgery. Then book another OR and bump someone if you have to again. As soon as you're done, just go straight to the scrub room."

* * *

When lunchtime came around, Addison was totally exhausted. Two emergency surgeries in one morning. Both cases were extreme in their own ways. Both mothers were in recovery. There were two panicked husbands. And then there were the three tiny premature infants. The Lewis girls were stable, but the Morgan boy was twelve weeks early and fighting for his life. On top of all that, Addison still had other patients to tend to. It was a good thing she had Alex to help her because was almost too much to handle. She arrived at her office and collapsed onto the couch inside. It wasn't good for her to be standing this much. She felt slightly lightheaded and dizzy, and her stomach was cramping a little. _I probably just need better circulation_, she thought, switching positions to lie on her left side to increase blood flow. _Ugh. This is what I get for pushing myself too hard_.

The door creaked open, and Mark stepped inside. Addison started to sit up, but Mark stopped her.

"Lay back down, Add. I'll come to you," he told her, and she complied. "So I heard the Lewis twins made their entrance this morning. That must have made for a pretty stressful morning."

"You're telling me," Addison said. "They're doing well, though. Beautiful little girls, but shortly after I got them settled into the NICU, we had an emergency case come in that required an immediate C-section. The little boy was twelve weeks early, but the placenta clotted, so he had to come out. He doesn't even weigh three pounds. And then after that, I had to go back to check on the Lewises and then my other scheduled patients." She sighed and closed her eyes as Mark came and sat down next to her.

"So basically you're stressed out of your mind?"

"Basically. And now I feel lightheaded and dizzy and cramp-y and headache-y from running around all morning, and I know I should eat, but I'm just too damn tired."

Mark looked down at her sympathetically. "You could probably use some water. All of that could partially be from dehydration. It could also be from the anemia."

"It's probably from that and stress and the fact that my uterus is starting to stretch a tiny bit now."

"For the three-inch human?"

"For the three-inch human."

Mark held up his little finger and looked at it strangely. "It's like this big."

Addison laughed. "Probably." She paused and started laughing again, harder this time, because Mark was wiggling his little finger in the air, almost making it do a funny little dance. He was trying to make her laugh, and it was working. "Stop! Ow, it hurts to laugh. That looks way too funny."

"That's the point, Addie," he teased, pulling her up to a sitting position and kissing her on the top of her head.

They sat like that for a few minutes in silence, just enjoying each other's closeness until there was a knock at the door. Addison stood up to answer it, and when she did, she felt a sharp pain in her stomach.

"Shit! Ow!" she exclaimed, leaning forward and clutching her stomach. She sat back down, closed her eyes tightly, and tried to breathe. "Mark, something's wrong. It shouldn't hurt like this." The pain came again, and this time, it lasted longer. She started to cry, and Mark pulled her into his lap, rubbing her back softly.

"Addison, what hurts? Where does it hurt? Should we call someone?" he asked her as his heart started to beat rapidly out of fear.

The person who had been outside the door became impatient and decided to take it upon himself to enter. It was Derek.

"I hate to interrupt the happy couple, but I need Addison for a case right now," he said bitterly.

"We're not a couple, Derek, and she can't help you right now," Mark spat back. Derek stood there in shock.

Addison began to sob into Mark's shoulder. "Mark, put me down. Go get Bailey. Page Bailey. Just get her here now, and get him the hell out of here." She was crying hysterically.

"Okay, Addie. I'll be right back, okay? It's going to be okay," he assured her, not really believing himself. As he started to move her, though, he noticed that there was a dark spot on his scrubs. Addison was bleeding. He couldn't leave her now. "Derek, I don't care how much you fucking hate us, but I need you to haul your ass down to Bailey right now and bring her back up here as fast as you can."

Derek didn't move.

"Damnit, Derek! Just look at her!" Mark said as loudly as he could without yelling, not wanting to upset Addison any more than she already was.

Derek took one look at Addison. She was curled up with her knees against her chest, and her face was contorted in pain with tear-stains everywhere. Then he saw the spot on Mark's scrubs, and the color drained from his face. "I'll get her right now," he told his former best friend before he took off running into the hallway.

"Mark," she began, her voice trembling, "I think I'm miscarrying."

* * *

So there is something wrong with Addison. This was a difficult chapter to write, and I tried to get across as much panic as I possibly could with Addison and Mark. I wasn't sure how to write it without making it too upsetting, so if it was really upsetting, I'm sorry. Although I've never been through anything like that myself, I know a couple who has. Luckily, everything ended up okay, but I know it was an absolutely terrifying experience for them. The story is far from being over, though, so don't worry too much. Yeah. I said it. I can't keep you guys hanging with something this serious. Things will be okay, but they won't be okay. You'll see what I mean. I'll try to get the next part up by Tuesday or Wednesday night. I've already planned out the chapter, so it should come more quickly. Anyway… Thank you guys so much for reading and reviewing:) I really appreciate the feedback. You guys are awesome! 


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** Grey's Anatomy and its characters belong to Shonda Rhimes/ABC.

**A/N: **Like I said at the beginning of last chapter, a lot happened in the last chapter, so if you haven't read that yet, do so before continuing. Thanks for reading!

* * *

**Chapter Eleven**

"What do you _mean_ it 'wasn't a miscarriage,' Addison?" Mark asked as she lay in her hospital bed three hours later. He was frustrated. "Of course it was a miscarriage. She _said_ it was a miscarriage. Why aren't you as upset as I am about this?"

"Mark, listen to me. I am only going to say this one more time because I'm sick of talking about it with you. The kind of 'miscarriage' you are thinking of implies that there was going to be a baby in the first place," Addison told him angrily. "There was something inherently wrong with one of our contributing cells from the start. Sperm or egg—one of them had some sort of chromosomal abnormality, and when the two combined, they started dividing irregularly. Meaning that it was never actually an embryo, and it certainly was never a fetus. It was never going to be a baby. It was only a matter of time before my body just decided to reject it. From the second those cells joined, it was inevitable that this would happen eventually. There were never two babies. It was always the one baby, and that one baby is still here. If you still don't understand it, go ask someone up in OB because I'm done, okay?"

"Okay," he responded, completely taken aback. He hadn't meant to upset her so much. "That explanation made more sense. I'm sorry. I'm a doctor, and I should know, but it's been a long time since I've studied anything to do with obstetrics. I'm sorry I go so angry with you. You didn't deserve that."

"And I'm sorry I wasn't understanding enough. Most people _do_ get very upset over this kind of thing, just because the experience is so horrifying. Maybe it's my profession that makes me a little more emotionally numb to this. I don't know, but my point is that I'm sorry that I snapped at you. If it takes you some time to get over what happened today, I'll understand."

"Don't worry about it, Addie," he told her as he took her hand. "Just worry about growing that baby."

Addison smiled and brought their hands up to rest on her stomach. "We're lucky that she's still in there and that everything that happened today had no effect on her."

"Yeah," he smiled back her. "Wait a minute… 'she'?"

"Yep. I've decided that she is a she," she told him matter-of-factly. "We can't just keep saying 'he or she' or 'him or her,' so I took it upon myself to pick the gender."

"So you woke up this morning and decided to just randomly pick the gender of our child?"

"Pretty much. Only it doesn't feel random to me. I have a feeling it's a girl."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, both feeling incredibly relieved that they were still going to have a baby. They hadn't lost her, and in six months, they would be holding her.

"What are you thinking about?" Addison asked, breaking the silence.

"I'm just thinking about how weird it is that there's something growing in there. No offense, Addie, but that's really weird."

"Gee, thanks, Mark," she said sarcastically.

"What were youthinking about?" He asked her seriously.

"This is going to be another one of those 'please-don't-take-this-the-wrong-way' things," she started.

"Okay. I'll try not to."

"When Derek came in and called us a 'happy couple,' you were more than quick to tell him that we weren't a couple."

"Well, we aren't," he told her. Addison's face fell, and her eyes suddenly had a sad look about them. Mark noticed this and then understood what she had meant. "I mean… if you wanted to be a couple, we could be. I just didn't want to move too fast or push you into anything since it's only been a few weeks."

"Before today, Mark, I would have said that I wasn't ready to take that step, but now… now after everything that has happened this afternoon, I think I'm ready."

"Okay," Mark said softly, stroking her hand with his thumb. He sat there grinning for several seconds before Addison said something.

"What is with you, Mark?!" She asked impatiently. "Get up here and kiss me!"

He laughed at her and gladly complied. What first started out as a light, tender kiss, though, quickly became heated as Addison pulled Mark onto the bed with her.

"Don't hold back. I want this," she whispered before biting his lower lip to show him that it really was okay.

Mark responded by slipping his tongue into her mouth. Completely surrendering to the sensation, Addison closed her eyes and tangled her fingers in his hair.

And then Miranda Bailey entered the room, clearing her throat to make her presence known.

"Ugh. Nasty," she told the now embarrassed couple. "I know you guys went through a lot today and have a lot to be happy about and thankful for, but for God's sake, this is a _hospital_, people."

"Oh come on, Miranda," Mark said as he climbed off the bed and went back to sitting on the chair. "You _know_ that's never stopped anyone."

Bailey rolled her eyes at him. "You are _attendings, _not interns. Anyway, Addison, I came to give you an update on your post-op patients. Both mothers and all three babies are all stable and doing fine at the moment. If anything happens, Karev knows to page someone, but right now, he's monitoring those five patients better than I expected he would. All of your other appointments for the afternoon have been rescheduled or reassigned to someone else for the next week."

"Okay, but—"

"No. No 'buts.' Richard told me to tell you that you are not to come into work until a week from today unless an extreme emergency comes up. Otherwise, we have everything under control here. I've got all my interns rotating through on the Lewis girls, and Karev's assigned to only them until you get back. If your patients have questions, we can direct them to you. And Addison, if I see you in this hospital at all before next week once you leave here tomorrow morning, you are in big trouble, you hear me? It had better be a pretty big emergency."

"Yes, Miranda," Addison said.

"You really are the Nazi, aren't you?" Mark joked.

"Damn right I am."

* * *

Around 8:30 that night, Derek's sister Nancy entered the front doors of Seattle Grace to check up on Addison. After hearing about the day's events from Mark over the phone, she figured dropping in early couldn't hurt. She had to make her way upstairs to Addison's room without running into Derek, though. Considering the time of night, she doubted he was in surgery, so she had to be careful.

"Nancy?" she heard a voice call from behind her. She immediately recognized it as her brother's and stopped dead in her tracks. "What are you doing here again?"

Turning around slowly, she decided to choose her words carefully. "Mark called me and told me about what happened with Addison, so I came out here to check on her."

"Why would you fly across the country to check on her? Addison and Mark aren't family anymore."

"Maybe you don't consider them your family anymore, Derek, but I've spent too many years of my life with them to just completely cut them out. Families may have problems. Families may hate each other sometimes. But when a member of the family needs something, you put everything aside and you help. She called me six weeks ago scared to death, Derek, and despite everything, I couldn't say no to her because as far as I'm concerned, Addison is still my sister. So I'm here as her sister and as her OB."

"Nancy, she's having a baby with _Mark_. Don't you get that? I might have been able to understand you wanting to help her when she was alone, but now that she's back with him and happy, she—"

"So you're upset with me because I'm helping them to be happy, Derek? I know they hurt you, but you also hurt Addison significantly over the last year. Addison deserves to be happy, and if it's with Mark, then it's with Mark, and there's nothing we can do about that. Now go find the slutty intern. I need to go."

"Meredith and I aren't on good terms right now because she, too, is siding with Addison. I don't get it. I just don't get it. After everything that she did to me, she gets to be the good guy," Derek said, exasperated. "And that should be _my_ baby, not Mark's baby."

"Derek, I have no doubt that that could have been your baby if you had just grown up, but you didn't, so just let it go, okay? Move on. Fix things with the intern."

"I can't believe you aren't on the side of your own brother."

"If I thought you were right, I would be on your side, but I don't and I'm not."

Nancy excused herself and continued to make her way towards Addison's room. Even though she was on Addison's side, she did feel a little strange about Mark being in the picture now. Mark _did_ seduce Addison in the first place. She did kind of feel bad that she was the obstetrician for her ex-sister-in-law and her brother's ex-best friend. It was a more than complicated situation, but even though she felt so conflicted, she also felt like she was making the right choice. When she reached the door to Addison's room, she knocked, and Mark answered.

"Hey," he said hesitantly. "She's sleeping, but you can come in."

"Thanks," she told him as she stepped into the room. "So how is she doing?"

"Other than being really tired, she's doing very well. You can look through her chart if you want," he said. "How was your flight?"

"It was good. No delays, no turbulence. Completely smooth." Nancy was slightly confused. Was this really Mark Sloan she was talking to? A normal conversation with no sexual innuendos?

Addison stirred in her bed, and she sighed lightly before stretching and opening her eyes.

"Good morning," Mark spoke to her. "Nancy's here to check on you."

Addison smiled sleepily. "Can we do my twelve-week check-up early?" She asked.

"I don't see why not," Nancy responded happily.

Nancy did the initial examination on Addison. Everything was completely textbook. She was doing fine, despite the anemia and the scare earlier that day. Nancy asked Addison questions about what she was eating, if the morning sickness was lessening, and if she had any concerns. Then it was time for the ultrasound. Although Addison had an ultrasound earlier in the day, it was under stressful circumstances. This time, she and Mark would be able to enjoy watching their child on the screen and listening to the heartbeat. Nancy applied the gel, and Mark grasped Addison's hand. As the wand was placed on Addison's stomach, a figure appeared on the screen.

"There she is," Mark whispered, kissing Addison's hand. He had never felt so overcome with emotion in his entire life, and when the heartbeat sounded over the monitor, that feeling intensified. "She's still there."

"She sure is," Nancy told him. "Mark, what is with you? You haven't said anything remotely sexual since I've gotten here, and you look like you're going to cry."

"Shut up, Nancy-Pants," he teased.

"That's more like it," Nancy teased back. The three doctors laughed. Maybe the prospect of fatherhood had finally been the thing to crack Mark Sloan. "So what do you think about what you see, Addie?"

"I think it looks good, and that's from a doctor's perspective, not from the biased mother perspective."

After Nancy left, Addison and Mark were once again alone in the room. Mark was sitting on the bed under the covers with Addison lying against his chest.

"Are you okay?" Mark asked her. "I mean… you've been strong all day, but if you aren't okay, that's fine."

"I'm okay. It's just that… okay, maybe I'm not okay," Addison told him, her eyes starting to tear up. "I was just so scared that we lost our baby. I thought that maybe it just wasn't meant to be. I've done a lot of terrible things over the last year and a half, and I thought that maybe I didn't deserve this baby—that I deserved to lose it."

"No way, Addison. You deserve good things to happen to you. And _no one_ deserves to lose a child."

"I know," she said softly. "I'm just glad that it's all over and that we didn't lose a baby."

"Yeah."

"Now I should be asking you how you feel about everything. You were more upset about it than I was."

"I'm still pretty shaken, to tell you the truth. At first, it felt like we lost a baby. I thought that maybe we were supposed to have two and that one just didn't make it, but now that I understand the whole 'anembryonic pregnancy' thing, it's more bearable. And getting to see the ultrasound made things even better."

"Definitely. Especially since we each have a picture now," she smiled contentedly. "But it _is _okay for us to be sad still. I think we both have to remember that."

"Yeah." Mark began to run his hands over the very slight curve of her abdomen. "You should sleep now, Add."

"Stay with me tonight?" She asked hopefully, looking up at him. "I don't want to be alone right now."

"Okay," he responded, kissing her cheek. "Everything's going to be fine, Addison. Just trust me."

* * *

There we go. Was that a good enough conclusion to the last chapter? I hope I explained what happened with Addison well enough at the beginning. It is sooo hard to keep the angst and drama in here because I just want things to be all happy and cute. Haha. I'm really trying, though. As for when the next chapter will be up… probably not until the weekend. I've got one more final, and then I'm going home for Christmas break. Anyway. Thank you guys so much for the reviews! Hopefully this chapter didn't disappoint. Thanks again for reading :) 


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer:** Grey's Anatomy and its characters belong to Shonda Rhimes/ABC.

**A/N: **So I wrote this instead of studying for my exam. Haha. This shows that I should never try studying anywhere near a computer. I am the WORST procrastinator. Anyway… this is a longer chapter. Thanks for reading :)

* * *

**Chapter Twelve**

Addison spent a week at home resting after her miscarriage scare. After forty-eight hours of being away from work, she had had enough. Not being able to go in to the hospital caused her to go into a cleaning and organizing frenzy in her apartment. She vacuumed. She dusted. She cleaned both bathrooms. She cleaned the kitchen and went through the refrigerator. She went through the piles of mail that had built up over the last few weeks. She reorganized her massive shoe collection twice. After completing all of that within two days, Addison was stuck with three more days of nothing to do. She almost hoped some sort of emergency would come up so she could go in and do _something_, but every phone call she received from Alex or Bailey in the NICU was always either positive or a small problem that could be fixed by giving directions over the phone.

Mark called her frequently when he was at work to check in on her, and on his days off, he came over to keep her from going out of her mind. He would fix her lunch and dinner or they would order something for take-out and go pick it up together. They spent the days just hanging out and watching movies and television under a blanket on the couch, and at night, Mark would stay with her until she fell asleep. It was everything she could have asked for.

On Addison's first morning back to work, Mark picked her up, and they drove in to the hospital together. Oh, was she excited to finally get back to doing something. No more sitting around at home going crazy.

"Goooood morning, Miranda," Addison said happily to Bailey that morning at the nurses' station.

"While it's nice to have you back and in good spirits, Addison, your cheerfulness is painful at 4:45 in the morning," Bailey responded sleepily. "But good morning anyway."

"Long night on-call?"

"Very long. Karev was on-call last night, too, with the Lewis girls. One of them seems to be having a problem with her digestive tract, so you might want to get up there and check things out. He thinks it might be colon atresia."

"Ugh. That's not good. We should have figured that out before they were even born," Addison said before turning to make her way up to the NICU.

Alex was talking quietly to the twins when Addison found him in the NICU. He had his back to her, so he didn't know she was there.

"Your mommy and daddy should be here in a few hours to see you. You know, they didn't even want to leave you last night because they love you so much. They never want to leave you guys, and I can't blame them because you are both very pretty little girls. I don't even want to leave you, and you aren't even my kids," he paused. "I wish you could talk, though, because this feels sort of ridiculous. Umm… what else could I talk about? Dr. Montgomery is coming back today. She's going to check you out today, Lindsey, and make you feel all better. She's going to have a baby just like you guys soon. Maybe you'll go to school together and be friends when you're older. That would be kind of cool, huh? But about Dr. Montgomery… you know, if I weren't dating the prettiest girl at this hospital, I might think she was really hot."

At that point, Addison laughed. Alex was totally caught. When he turned around, his face was bright red.

"What? They were awake, and since they usually sleep all the time, I figured a voice might be good, so I just started rambling and making stuff up," he said defensively. "How long have you been here anyway?"

"Long enough to hear that you 'might' think I'm 'really hot,'" she teased. "Don't worry. I won't tell Stevens."

"Don't tell Sloan either because I'm pretty sure he would kick my ass."

Addison laughed. "Okay. Now what have we got here? Bailey said you thought one of them had colon atresia?"

"Lindsey. I got some help running all the tests and everything last night, and everything came back looking just like colon atresia. I wasn't so sure at first because I thought we would have picked that up in an ultrasound weeks ago, but then I remembered that this wasn't exactly a normal pregnancy."

Addison picked up Lindsey's chart and skimmed over the test results. "Looks like you were right, and I see that you even got some other doctors from neonatal to sign off to confirm it. I'm impressed, Karev. Nice work," she told him.

"Thanks," he responded, giving her a modest smile.

Addison hadn't seen the twins since the day they were born, so when she looked in through the glass, they looked a lot different to her—different in a good way. "Hi, girls! Oh my goodness you both look so much better than you did last week! Just from looking at you, I can tell you've grown some," she cooed at the babies. "And you're awake this morning! I didn't really get to see you awake last week. You both have such pretty eyes."

Alex cleared his throat. "And you were making fun of _me_ for talking to them."

"Hey! I haven't see them in a week. I'm allowed to talk to them." She smiled before reaching her hand in to gently grasp Lindsey's foot. "I'm going to fix you up today, Lindsey. Then you can start putting on more weight like your sister."

"Their parents haven't held them yet, you know. Do you think we can arrange that before we do anything surgical?"

"They haven't? Oh, absolutely, then. Did they say what time they would be back this morning?"

"About seven."

"Okay then. Looks like we'll have a surprise for Mommy and Daddy, girls," Addison said to the twins.

The Lewises arrived right at seven to spend time with their babies. When Addison told them that they would get to hold them for the first time, they were overjoyed, especially since they had not been expecting it. It was an emotional experience for everyone, including Alex who had developed a real bond with the family over the last week. As Addison stood there watching Natalie and Greg interact with Lillianna and Lindsey outside of the incubator for the first time, she couldn't help but think of what it would be like when she and Mark would be able to hold their child for the first time. She just hoped that they would be able to hold him or her right away instead of having to wait because of complications. She was pulled out of her daydream when Natalie began to ask questions about Lindsey's condition.

"Dr. Karev says we know what Lindsey's problem is now, Dr. Montgomery?" she asked.

"Yes. Lindsey has colon atresia. It's a malformation of the large intestine. In normal pregnancies, this condition is usually picked up in an ultrasound, but in this case, it couldn't be. The malformation occurred because of the slight connection of the girls' large intestines. Lillianna has more of the large intestine than Lindsey. She is getting rid of waste significantly more easily than Lindsey, and that's why she looks healthier when you look at her. Now, you have some options for this, and don't be scared because we _can_ fix this," Addison told the couple. "The first option is we do an exploratory surgery to see if we can fix Lindsey's problem temporarily until they are ready to be separated. If we fix the problem, we are going to need to put in temporary colostomies for each of the girls until their colons can heal. If we can't fix the problem, only Lindsey will need the colostomy, but hers will be permanent until they are ready to be separated. The second option is to just skip the exploratory surgery and go straight to giving Lindsey a colostomy. That would probably be the least stressful option for the girls."

"Okay," Natalie said uneasily. "Greg, what do you think?"

"I think that's a lot of information to take in all at once," he laughed nervously. "But I think whatever is least stressful for them is probably the best option."

"Yeah," Natalie agreed. "I'm just not too familiar with colostomies. I mean, I know what they are, but will it be difficult to maintain on an infant?"

"Not at all," Alex broke in. "If anything, it will be easier than diaper changing."

"Okay then. When can we do this?" Natalie asked.

"As soon as you guys are ready," Addison told her, "we can prep them, take them in for surgery around 9, and be done before ten this morning. The faster we get this done, the better off Lindsey will be. Recovery time shouldn't be too long either, and you can even go back to holding them tomorrow morning."

The Lewises spent the next hour spending time with their daughters under Alex's supervision in case anything were to suddenly go wrong. Addison spent the next forty-five minutes listening to voicemail messages from the last week. After all of that, she had enough. She paged Mark, and told her to meet her in the nearest on-call room to the NICU. Luckily, he wasn't busy.

"What's up?" he asked as he opened the door, finding Addison curled up on the bottom bunk with her hands over her eyes.

"UGH. I just spent forty-five minutes listening to a week's worth of voicemail messages, and I _still_ have like fifteen messages left. And that's the easiest part of my day. I'm so behind. I've barely been back four hours, and I'm ready to go home. I'm unbelievably pissed off for no real reason. I feel like whining, so you're just going to have to deal with it, okay? Okay."

Mark laughed at her frustrated tone as he moved to sit next to her on the bed. "You look so cute when you're angry."

"Shut up! I do not."

"Oh, but I think you _do_."

Addison pouted. "Mark, please. Just listen to me," she said as she unbuttoned the top button of her skirt and unzipped it part way. "Damnit, I'm getting fat. And it's only going to get like ten times worse. I should never have put on this skirt this morning. Who am I kidding? I don't fit into this anymore. I might as well just give it up and feel gross and unattractive wearing scrubs for the next six months."

"Hey, I wear scrubs all the time, and I think I look pretty damn good in them if I do say so myself," he smirked.

"Yeah. Well that's you," she retorted. "I don't do scrubs unless I'm in surgery, but now I'm going to have to do scrubs. And you know what? Not only is this skirt too small, this blouse is too small, and this bra is too small, and—"

"You could take those off if you want. I promise I wouldn't mind," he winked.

"Mark! No. Slow. We are taking it slow. I am going to pretend you didn't just suggest that because that almost sounded like old Mark talking."

"Sorry. I didn't—"

"But you did. Anyway. My breasts hurt. And my head hurts. All the time. Constantly. And I'm so sick of it already. My back hurts and my feet were even starting to swell earlier, and I hadn't even been standing for two hours. That's also only going to get worse. Way worse. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do when I'm doing surgery for long periods of time, especially when I'm huge. The morning sickness may be gone, but I sure as hell don't feel fantastic. And I've got at least 25 more weeks of this. I'm just so miserable today. I'm really tired, and I don't want to do anything. I don't want to move. I don't want to eat. I don't want to see any more patients. I don't want to do a surgery in thirty minutes. I just want to lay here and feel fat, gross, and cranky." She paused for a few seconds before breaking into tears. "And now I'm freaking crying, Mark. Make it stop. I can't stop. I want everything to stop. I was fine this morning, and now I'm a wreck."

Mark had read about the possibility of breakdowns and mood swings in the books Meredith had bought for him. He had even highlighted portions of the text about dealing with them, but now that he was in the moment, he felt clueless as to what he should do to comfort her. He decided to lay down next to her and hold her against him tightly.

"What are you doing?" She asked through tears.

"I'm just going to hold onto you until you stop, okay?" He told her, lightly stroking her arm.

"Why are you being nice to me? I want to be pissed off and angry," she cried harder and tried to fight his hold on her.

"No you don't. Shh, Addie. Breathe. Shhh," he whispered to her. "You're going to make yourself sick if you don't calm down."

Eventually her crying stopped, and the only sound in the room was intermittent sniffling. Mark loosened his grip on her. Addison started giggling uncontrollably.

"What the hell was that?" She asked, rolling over onto her other side to face him. "I just completely lost control, and you had to physically hold me still to get me to stop."

Mark was confused. Addison had gone from angry to crying hysterically to laughing in about fifteen minutes. Not knowing what to do yet again, he decided to just laugh with her.

"You'll be okay," he told her comfortingly after they stopped laughing. "You know, maybe you should talk to Bailey. She's done the whole 'pregnant surgeon' thing before, and she ended up fine. She could probably talk you through some things better than I could since she's dealt with it herself. I mean, I'm here for you no matter what, but I think Bailey could put your mind a little more at ease."

Addison thought about his suggestion. "I can't believe I didn't think of that before."

"I'm smart, what can I say?"

She playfully smacked his arm. "Oh please," she rolled her eyes and then looked at her watch. "Ugh. I have to go help Karev prep the Lewis girls for a surgery, and then we're taking them in to give Lindsey a colostomy."

"I don't _want_ you to go," Mark whined, wrapping his arms around her.

"But I _have_ to go," she said back, imitating his tone. "You can come watch me up in the gallery if you don't have anything else to do, though."

"I can do that," he smiled and kissed the tip of her nose before standing up and pulling her with him.

Addison leaned into Mark and enveloped him in a hug. "Thank you for letting me go all crazy pregnant woman on you," she said against his shoulder, breathing in the smell that was distinctly his.

"No problem. You are _my_ crazy pregnant woman, so it's okay. Now go save some babies."

The surgery on Lindsey Lewis went smoothly without any complications for her or her sister. Mark watched Addison work from the gallery, which she appreciated. It was always nice to have a familiar face up there for moral support. After the surgery, she and Alex settled the girls back into the NICU and gave the anxious parents an update. Then it was time to start making up for a week's worth of lost time with patients. Three ultrasounds, two patient discharges from the NICU, and one C-section later, Addison was finally able to take a break at about 3:30. She had missed lunch with Mark, so it was off to find Miranda for some girl talk.

"Why is it that I have become the go-to person for mommy advice?" She asked Addison. The two women were seated across from each other at Addison's desk. "Here, I am a surgeon. At home, I am a mother. Those two things should be kept separate."

"We're friends, Miranda, and I need a talk, okay? I won't ask you about it at work again if that's the way you'd like it, but today, I just need to talk."

"Fine, but next time, we're doing this over dinner… just somewhere that isn't here. What do you need?"

"How did you do it? When you were pregnant with Tuck, I mean. How did you manage the unpredictable and demanding schedule of a surgeon without having some sort of a nervous breakdown? I'm only a couple days into my second trimester, and I'm already feeling like I am not going to be able to handle things much longer."

Miranda thought for a few moments. "Addison, you do the best you can," she said. "You take things day to day. Don't think about what's going to happen or how you're going to feel next week or next month. Just think as far ahead as tomorrow because if you don't, you are going to be so overwhelmed you won't be able to move, and trust me, I got to that point. Also, if you need help at work, you ask someone for it. I didn't do that enough. I had this idea that because I was the Nazi, I was too tough to ask for assistance with anything. Don't do that to yourself. You have so many responsibilities as head of neonatal, so you need to resign yourself now to the fact that you just can_not_ do everything over the next six months. The sooner you come to terms with that, the easier things will be. If you feel like things are getting to be too much, you start assigning people to help you keep up with things. No one is going to fault you for that."

"And that's emotionally, but what about physically. How were you able to_ physically_ keep going?"

"Now _that_, Addison, I still don't know," she laughed. "Be good to your body, I guess. Take long showers or sit in the bath for a while after work. Go in for a massage. Trust me, those helped. Just relax in your off-time. Keep your stress levels as low as possible. As for at work, sleep whenever and wherever you possibly can. If there's something an intern can do, let them do it while you grab an empty bed and sleep. Don't forget to eat, and don't skip meals. I know you probably tell patients that all the time, but don't think that just because you are Addison Forbes Montgomery, you can keep working in top form without eating and sleeping. When it comes to being in surgery, you have your intern. Karev has talent, so I think you can trust him to take over something if you need to sit down or step away for a few minutes. Warn him if you have to, but he's a good kid. I'm sure he would be happy to help, especially if it means getting to do more of a procedure than he would have before. You know how we surgery junkies are."

Addison laughed. "That's true."

"Any specific questions?"

"Not now, but I'm sure I will have some later. Today was just one of those days," she sighed heavily. "I guess everything hit me hard since I've been away a week, and now to be completely immersed in work again is just… a lot to take all at once. Things didn't stop when I did."

"You'll get used to it again soon. I promise. Just remember everything I just told you. If it looks like you've forgotten some of it, I'll be sure you call you out on it. You may hate me for it, but you'll be better off."

"Thanks, Miranda. I was on my way to a total meltdown before, so I needed to hear this."

"Don't worry about it. Everyone's here for you if you need something… anything. You _can_ do this," she told her friend. "And how's Sloan? Is he treating you alright?"

Addison grinned. "More than alright."

* * *

Mmmkay… Addison is once again a little off in this chapter. She _will_ return to her normal self eventually, but I hope you still like her in her current state. Mark… god… I just love writing him as perfect, but I know it's probably getting old (is it?), so I'm trying to figure something out where he slips up a little. We'll see how that goes. Also, in case you haven't noticed, the Lewises are recurring characters. For one, it always gives me a case to write about, but they also will serve a purpose toward the end of the story. I'm thinking I should probably write a little more about them personally in one of the upcoming chapters so that you guys feel more attached to them. Because I like them. I don't think I've made their characters strong enough for you guys to feel too much for them, though. Or maybe I have. But I feel like I should do better. Anyway. This is a crazy-long endnote. I hope you liked this chapter. Reviews are awesome. Thanks, you guys! 


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:** Grey's Anatomy and its characters belong to Shonda Rhimes/ABC.

**A/N: **YAY THE SEMESTER IS OVER!

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen**

Mark and Addison had officially been a couple for three weeks. Almost four. They had been friends again for seven. And while this was great and all, there was one thing their relationship was lacking: sex. Mark hadn't had sex with Addison in nearly four months, and it was starting to wear on him. A lot. Sure, there was some intense, heated kissing, but Addison would never allow them to go any further than that. "It's not that I don't want to," she would say, "it's just that I'm not sure I'm ready yet." He knew he owed it to her, so he respected her decision. It was just becoming more and more difficult to control himself, especially since this was Addison—the first real love of his life and the woman who was going to give him his first real family. She had changed him. She had saved him. Also, Mark happened to think she was the hottest woman on the planet.

Meredith was having a similar problem. Like Mark, she was a person who never went very long without sex. Due to her problems with Derek, though, she was back to practicing celibacy again. She figured he would come around eventually, but in the meantime, it was becoming really difficult to look at him or work with him and not just want to put all differences aside and go at it with him. Sometimes she considered it. She really did. Because he was her McDreamy, and when he was perfect, he was _so_ perfect, and the sex… was incredible. But she knew that she had to stand up for herself. She couldn't deal with the jealous boyfriend or the pouty child parts of him, so until he changed those things, it was no sex for either of them.

This common predicament brought Mark and Meredith to Joe's again one night after work.

"Ughhh!" Meredith groaned. "I can't take this anymore! I seriously think I am going to die. Seriously. Can someone die from sexual frustration?"

"If you can, then we are certainly on our way," Mark answered, taking a long drink of his beer.

"I need more alcohol. _SO_ much more alcohol," Meredith said before taking another shot of Tequila.

"When she finally gives in, it will be too late for us to even _have_ sex. Either she'll be nine months pregnant or we'll be too exhausted from taking care of the baby," he complained.

"You think she's going to hold out that long?"

"Shit... I hope not."

"How much longer do you think Derek will hold out?"

"Derek can be a stubborn bastard, so it could be a while."

"You aren't supposed to tell me that! You're supposed to say, 'He'll come around soon, Meredith. Don't worry. Before you know it, you are going to be having so much sex you won't be able to walk straight.'"

Mark laughed at her. "Sorry, Grey, but I don't think so."

"I hate you. You know that, right?"

"But as dirty mistresses, we have a bond that can never be broken," he teased.

"Seriously, though. What are we going to do?"

"No idea."

"What would you do if you were me?"

"Wait… what would _I_ do if _I_ wanted to have sex with Derek?" He laughed.

"Shut up. You know what I meant."

"Can you force him to talk to you? Corner him in an elevator or something?"

"And then what are we going to talk about? Am I just supposed to say, 'Derek, you need to grow up because I really, _really_ need some sex right now.' Because I'm not sure how well that would go over."

"The honesty thing works, but I don't think you want to be _that_ honest," he laughed. "Maybe tell him that you miss him, but that you miss the _good_ Derek and not the selfish one. Hell, _I_ miss the good Derek. I mean… he couldn't be happy with the way things are right now. No one is siding with him. He's where I was when I came here—everyone hated me. And trust me, that feels like shit. Eventually, he has to crack, and maybe talking to him would make him do that sooner rather than later. He's a good guy, Meredith. I just wish he would go back to being that way."

"Yeah," she said quietly. "I _do_ miss him."

"So what am I supposed to do about Addison?"

"Well, you really love her, right?"

"Of course. I can honestly say that I have never felt like this before. Not even close."

"Tell her that. The honesty thing got you the second chance. Maybe she just wants to be sure that it isn't just sex. That it isn't just that you _kind of_ have feelings for her. She needs to know that the next time you guys have sex, it's going to be more of an expression of love rather than just a physical thing."

"_Oooh! Love and feelings!_" He mocked her in a high-pitched teenage girl voice. "That's pretty girly, Grey."

"Addison is a girl. Sometimes we girls don't want _just_ sex. Occasionally, we need the emotional aspect. We need someone to make love to us. It's not about finishing. It's about conveying your absolute deepest feelings through sex. It's about enjoying the whole experience and just appreciating every second of it," she told him, her face completely red with embarrassment. She couldn't believe she was talking girl talk with Mark Sloan. "And before you say anything obnoxious, I'm going to say right now that I _know_ how you feel about Addison. You want her to know that she is your entire world, and I think you secretly know that this 'making love' thing will show her that, and I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you're scared to try it because you've never really done it before."

Mark looked down at the table and mumbled, "You're right."

"I know I'm right. Just tell her all of that. I think if you show some vulnerability, she'll see you're serious. If you have to straight up say to her 'I want to make love to you, but I've never done that with anyone before, and I'm scared to death,' you say that."

Mark figured she had a point. He would not have been able to figure that all out by himself, so he appreciated the female point of view. But there was no way he was going to let Meredith get away with sappy girl talk without making fun of her just a _little_ bit.

"So… Is this how Derek always got the girls? With this 'making love' crap?" He smirked.

Meredith turned an even brighter shade of red. "Shut up. You _will _be thanking me soon. You just watch."

"I know," he said reluctantly. "Thanks, Grey. I think you saved my ass yet again."

"Yep. You would be lost without me, and you know it," she teased.

* * *

As Mark and Meredith sat at Joe's, Addison was in the NICU on-call for the night with Alex and Izzie. It was a slow night, so whenever the three of them weren't passed out asleep in an on-call room, they were interacting with any preemie who happened to be awake. Izzie was the first to notice that Lillianna Lewis was awake. Over the last few weeks, Izzie had grown attached to the Lewis girls, though not too attached. Addison and Bailey had been hesitant in allowing Izzie to interact with the twins because of her problems with distancing herself, but Alex was able to convince them that this would be a good test for Izzie. So far, she had been able to keep just enough distance.

"Hi Lillie-Lew!" Izzie cooed at the little girl. She had recently nicknamed the girls by shortening their last name, and in Lillianna's case, shortening her first name. "I have to be quiet so I don't wake your sister. You should probably try to hold still, too, because that wouldn't be very nice if you woke her up. I don't think she would be too happy with you. You know what? I'm going to go wake up Alex so he can talk with us, too. I'll be right back, Lills."

Izzie walked across the hallway and opened the door to the room where Alex was sleeping. As light flooded the room, he stirred in his sleep. Izzie allowed the door to close behind her and approached a sleeping Alex in the dark. There was just enough light in the room for her to make her way over to him and give him a light kiss on his cheek.

"Alex… Lillianna is awake."

"Hmm?" He asked sleepily.

"Lillianna is awake. Come talk to her with me."

Izzie took Alex by the hand and led him out of the darkened room and into the hall. They washed their hands thoroughly and then approached the isolette.

"Look who I brought back!" Izzie whispered excitedly as she and Alex sat down in chairs to be at eye-level with the little girl.

"Hey, baby girl," Alex whispered before reaching in to let Lillianna play with his fingers. The baby decided she would rather just grip one tightly instead. Lindsey was more of the playful one.

"I'm going to miss hanging out with them at night when they go home in a few weeks," Izzie spoke as she stroked Lillianna's soft blonde hair.

"They'll be back in a few months, though, Iz," he told her. "Sloan's going to put in tissue expanders for their separation surgery."

"I know. It's exciting. God, it must be so scary for their parents, though."

"Yeah. I can't imagine having to go through everything that they have."

"You know what I was thinking?"

"Hm?"

"Their medical bills are going to be through the roof."

"Yeah…?" He wasn't sure what she was getting at.

"So I was thinking we could have a bake sale, and—"

"If you're baking, I'm game."

"You didn't let me finish. We could have a bake sale, _and_ if it doesn't make a ton of money, I know someone with a lot of money just sitting around who would totally donate some."

"Who do you know with…" Alex started before realizing exactly who she was talking about. "Wait… Seriously?"

"Seriously," she said with a huge grin on her face. "I've been thinking about it for a couple days now, and the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that it's the right thing to do. Denny loved kids. I'm sure that if he had known this family, he would have wanted to help. If he had been able to see these little faces, he would have wanted to give them the world."

Alex was touched. Rather than saying anything, he slowly let go of Lillianna's hand, pulled Izzie into his lap, and hugged her tightly before kissing her softly on the lips.

"I guess that means you think it's a good idea, too, then?" She giggled.

"Izzie, I think this is the best idea you have ever had. I think Denny would be so proud of you right now," he told her. He smiled at her in admiration as he cradled her against his chest. "How did you even think of that?"

"Well, I was talking to George at home. I was telling him about how Natalie teaches first grade while Greg teaches high school math and about how I think that is the cutest thing ever. Then George started talking about how his mom is a teacher and how she loves it. Then he mentioned how it's stupid that teachers don't get paid more. And I totally agree. The best teachers are completely unselfish people. They aren't in their profession for the money. They're in it because they care about kids. George said something about how it's going to be hard to pay for the girls' medical bills on two teacher salaries, and that's when I looked up and saw the check still on the refrigerator. It just clicked."

"This is so perfect. You are amazing, Iz. Like right now, I am so proud of you, and I am so excited about this."

"Excited about what?" Addison asked as she walked into the room and sat down next to the couple. Izzie went to move off Alex's lap since sitting like that wasn't very professional, but Addison smiled and stopped her. "No, go ahead. You guys looked happy like that. Just tell me what's so exciting."

Alex looked at Izzie. "It's your plan, you tell her."

"Okay," she said apprehensively. She then told Addison her idea. By the time Izzie finished talking, Addison was smiling at her just like Alex had been.

"Stevens, that is a fabulous idea, and because you aren't officially on the case, it would be perfectly okay for you to do that," Addison told her. "I'll talk to the Chief about getting permission to do a bake sale, and you and the other interns can do the rest. I'll make something, too, of course. Or at least I will try to make something, despite my limited baking skills. Wow. I'm really excited about this now, too."

The conversation was interrupted when Lillianna started to whimper. Soon, it was full-blown crying. Seconds later, Lindsey was awake and crying with her sister. Addison stood up first, grabbing a sterile drape to put over herself so she could hold them.

"I think they're just upset that mommy and daddy took a break for a day," she said. Natalie and Greg had visited their daughters every day since the day they were born, but that day, they had taken a break. They were exhausted, and Addison had suggested that they take a day or two to themselves.

"Aw… they miss them," Izzie smiled, watching Addison lift the screaming babies into her arms.

"Shhh… It's okay, girls. Mommy and Daddy are coming back this afternoon. I promise. I pinkie, pinkie promise," Addison whispered comfortingly as she sat back down next to Izzie and Alex. She started to rock them in her arms. "You're sad because you haven't been picked up all day, and I'm sorry. You guys were probably really lonely in there. Being lonely is no fun. No it's not."

After several minutes, the crying had reduced to dueling hiccups, which all three doctors found quite amusing. Lindsey would hiccup, then Lillianna would hiccup, and they went back and forth like that until they slowly drifted to sleep.

* * *

Only two scenes in this chapter, but it ended up at almost six pages on MSWord, so I decided to not add any more. I liked writing the first scene with Mark and Meredith because you _know_ it's got to be hard for the two of them to forgo sex for that long. Mark may be "Perfect Mark," but there are some things that just don't change. Haha. Next chapter will have some exciting baby stuff for Addison and Mark since Addison will be hitting four months. Mark is going to try to get in touch with his emotional side. Umm… what else? If I can figure out a way to fit it in, I might put in a Meredith and Derek conversation. Yep. That's all I can think of for now. And for like the 234324342th time, thanks so so so much for reading and reviewing. This story hit 100 reviews last chapter, and seeing that was like THE coolest thing ever for me. So double thanks. :) 


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: **Grey's Anatomy and its characters belong to Shonda Rhimes/ABC.

**A/N:** To make up for the nearly two weeks between updates, this is the longest chapter yet. Hope you like it :)

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen**

If you were to ask seven year-old Addison Forbes Montgomery what she wanted to be when she grew up, she would give a seemingly innocent response: "a doctor who helps mommies and babies." The thing was, though, that Addison was not as innocent as most children her age. When she was six, her mother passed away due to complications from giving birth to a stillborn son. Over thirty years later, Addison remembers that day as if it had just happened. She remembered being so excited about becoming a big sister. She would ask her mother all the time about when the baby would be born. And then one day, all of the excitement and happiness was gone. Despite the fact that she was a very privileged little girl, she would never be the same again. Addison's childhood innocence was shattered.

Now that she was pregnant herself, Addison thought about her mother and brother more often than she had in years; she feared something would happen that would leave her child without a mother or she and Mark without the baby or Mark without her and the baby. She was never ready to have children with Derek because of that fear. She had witnessed her father's devastation and had experienced her own. She did not want to experience it all over again, and she hadn't wanted Derek to know that kind of grief. It was too much.

For the most part, Addison had been enjoying her pregnancy, but some days, she found herself overwhelmed with fear, like on the day of her miscarriage scare. Some nights, she would wake up in a cold sweat after reliving the day of her mother and brother's deaths in a nightmare. Other times, she would dream that something awful had happened to the baby. The night before her amniocentesis, Addison didn't sleep at all. She spent all night tossing and turning in her bed, unable to sleep as she worried about the appointment. The odds of complications were small, and the odds of there being something wrong with the baby were also small—she knew this. But she still worried.

Addison's alarm clock went off at 5:45 on the morning of her amniocentesis. She was already awake, but she hit the snooze button anyway, hoping that maybe she could fall asleep and forget about everything for fifteen minutes. She turned over onto her other side, pulled the covers over her head, and took a few deep breaths before closing her eyes.

Ten minutes later, her cell phone was ringing. Without opening her eyes, she blindly reached over to her nightstand and flipped open her phone. She was so tired, though, that she forgot to say something, and for several seconds, she just breathed into the receiver.

"Addie? Are you there?" It was Mark.

"Hm? Yeah. Sorry," she mumbled sleepily, eyes still closed.

"You didn't sleep at all, did you?" He asked.

"No, I slept," she lied. _I am such a bad liar_.

"You are such a bad liar," he told her. "It's going to be fine, Addison. I promise. Now get up and open your front door. You just might have a surprise visitor here to make you breakfast."

"You're making me move? I don't want to move. I'm comfy and warm here," she pouted. "I hate you."

"Four words, Add: Chocolate chip blueberry pancakes," he whispered into the phone.

Addison's eyes shot open. She had been craving pancakes with blueberries and chocolate chips for three days but hadn't had time to go out and get the ingredients to make them. She hung up the phone, jumped out of bed, ran downstairs, and threw open the door. Mark stood there looking at his watch with a smirk on his face.

"Yep. I knew that would work. Took you about ten seconds," he teased, stepping inside and closing the door behind him.

"Where are my pancakes?" She whined, wrapping her arms around him. "You do _not_ promise a pregnant woman the chocolate chip blueberry pancakes she has been craving for _days_ and then just _not _have them."

He smiled and kissed her forehead. "Relax. Go back upstairs and take a shower. When you come back down, you can have as many chocolate chip blueberry pancakes as you can eat."

Twenty minutes later, Addison entered the kitchen dressed in pajama pants and a camisole that didn't quite cover her nearly seventeen weeks pregnant stomach. For the time being, her worries were gone. She grinned at Mark and sat down at the table where he had poured her a glass of milk. The room smelled fantastic to her—freshly made pancakes with chocolate and blueberries. She couldn't wait to eat one… or twenty.

Mark put four pancakes on a plate and put them on the table in front of Addison who promptly picked up the whole stack and took a huge bite, completely filling her mouth. She closed her eyes and savored the taste. Her three-day craving was finally satisfied.

"You look like you haven't seen food in days," Mark laughed at her. "You should see your face."

"Leave me alone. These are the best pancakes in the whole world. I can't believe I never thought of combining blueberries and chocolate chips before. I am _such_ a genius."

"I don't know, Add. They say there's a fine line between genius and insanity," he teased. Personally, he thought the combination was pretty gross.

Addison stuck her tongue out playfully and then took another large bite out of the stack of pancakes. Halfway through chewing, her eyes lit up; she had an idea. Walking over to the pantry, she grabbed a jar of peanut butter and then a knife. Mark looked at her strangely.

"No way. You just crossed a line. That's disgusting. A peanut butter chocolate chip blueberry pancake sandwich?"

"Yep. Try saying that one five times fast. Oh my God this is going to be fabulous," she said as she excitedly spread peanut butter on three of the pancakes and stuck them together.

Mark cringed as she took a bite. He knew Addison would have strange food cravings, but this was a lot stranger than he ever expected. "Addie, that has got to be the weirdest thing I have ever seen someone eat for breakfast."

With her mouth full, she held the sandwich out to him and gestured for him to take a bite.

"I think I'm going to pass on this one."

"Fine. More for us then. Right, baby? He doesn't know what he's missing," Addison cooed while rubbing her stomach affectionately.

"You have no idea how cute that belly makes you, do you?" Mark grinned, causing Addison to blush.

"You have no idea how nauseatingly cute you both are acting, do you?" Nancy asked as she walked into the kitchen. She was in town to perform the amniocentesis and to check up on Addison and the baby.

"Good morning to you, too, Nancy-Pants," Mark said sarcastically. He was embarrassed that she caught him talking like that to Addison. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"Well if you were given the choice between sleeping in Derek's trailer or sleeping here, which would you pick?"

* * *

Two hours later, Addison, Mark, and Nancy were in an exam room at Seattle Grace. Alex was there, too; he was going to observe the procedure. Nancy went through her usual list of questions for patients in their seventeenth week, and everything seemed to be on track. Addison's worries had returned, but she was trying to hide it.

"You are doing fine, Addison," Nancy reassured her, sensing her nervousness. "I know you worry about every little thing that could possibly go wrong since you see women and babies with complications every day. I know you do because I did the same thing when I was pregnant with all three of my boys. It's emotionally taxing to be pregnant and in our line of work, but I really think everything is going to be fine."

Addison nodded and gave Nancy a small, apprehensive smile as Mark squeezed her hand.

"Can we see the baby now?" Mark asked, sounding like an impatient little kid.

Nancy applied the gel to Addison's stomach and then gently pressed the wand against it. As soon as the baby appeared on the screen, Mark leaned down and placed small kisses all over Addison's smiling face. It was kind of awkward for Nancy, considering Addison used to be her brother's wife, but ultimately, it didn't matter. She was happy for them.

The baby was developing very nicely and had a strong, steady heartbeat. He or she was moving around, and Addison knew that she would be able to feel the movements at some point in the very near future. They were able to see the baby's perfectly formed spine, arms, legs, and heart. Nancy even zoomed in so Addison and Mark could see their child's tiny fingers.

"See, Addie? She's perfect," Mark whispered comfortingly in her ear. "We've got nothing to worry about."

After several minutes of just watching the baby, it was time for the amnio. Addison's heart began to race, and her eyes teared up.

"I'm not ready for this," she said.

Alex stepped up to her side. "Yeah you are, Montgomery. You guys will be fine. And look at it this way—at least she's doing the procedure and not me. She knows what she's doing. It's going to be fine," he told her, offering a small smile.

"Addison, you need to calm down for us," Mark said soothingly as he stroked her hair.

"We both do these all the time for patients, Addie. You _know_ that the odds of something going wrong or something being wrong with the baby are low. So just take a few deep breaths for me, and we're going to do this, okay?"

Addison closed her eyes, and before she knew it, Nancy was done with the procedure.

* * *

"So how's the baby?" Derek asked his sister bitterly before taking a bite of his sandwich. Nancy had met him for lunch in his office.

"Derek, come on," Nancy replied, annoyed at her brother's lack of maturity. "Why can't you just let go?"

"Nancy, I was married to her for eleven years. Eleven years and no kids, and you know how much I love kids. She was never 'ready' to be a mother, and I grew to hate her for it. All I wanted was a baby, and she wouldn't give that to me. She was so selfish. And now she's pregnant and happy with _Mark_, for God's sake. It just isn't right. It's not fair."

"You're right. It isn't fair. They did a lot wrong."

"Exactly."

"But you messed up, too. This whole situation wasn't all their fault, and you know it. You stopped loving Addie a long time ago. Even if she had given in and had a baby with you, your marriage was too far-gone. You know that adding a baby to the mix wouldn't have saved things. Derek, you can't change what happened. Regardless of how unfair it may have been. Being this bitter is getting you nowhere. You're only digging yourself into a deeper hole. I don't like to see you like this. You are my little brother, and I love you, but I miss the person you used to be."

She was right. He had dug himself into a huge hole. It was a vicious cycle. The angrier he was, the worse he felt, and the more he alienated himself from everyone. Currently, he had no friends and a girlfriend whom he wasn't on normal speaking terms with. Day after day of this just made things worse and worse.

"So what am I supposed to do then?" He asked angrily. "Kathleen's the shrink. Shouldn't you leave the advice-giving to her?"

Nancy ignored the latter of Derek's questions. "As smart as you are, Derek, you have serious communication issues. Talk to the people you're angry with. Talk to them like you used to. I'm not saying you should jump right into it, but start off small. Maybe let the intern in on a big surgery to open up an opportunity for some dialogue. See how she's been doing. Something like that. You can't just shut people out and be angry anymore. You've lost too much. And you've known Mark and Addison for too long to lose them."

He knew she was right on that one, too. Being angry and shutting people out was something he had always done. He shut Addison out because she wouldn't have a baby with him. He shut Mark out after he slept with Addison. He shut Meredith out because she wanted to be her own person. He never once really stood back to see things from their point of view, if he even allowed them to give their point of view at all. His rational side knew Nancy was right—his irrational side just had the better of him.

* * *

"So how's life on the Gynie Squad, Evil Spawn?" Cristina asked Alex. The interns were outside at their usual lunch table that afternoon instead of inside with really, really old guy.

"It's kicking ass, thank you very much," he responded. "I got to assist on Montgomery's amnio today, and I get to hold down the fort until she gets back the day after tomorrow."

"So you're babysitting, basically?"

"If that's what you want to call it, sure, but you know it's a lot harder than it sounds. If I recall, you could barely handle taking care of Bailey's kid for a few hours—and he was completely healthy," Alex smirked. "Try seven preemies and two high-risk mothers."

George and Izzie snickered at Cristina, and Cristina smacked George.

"Okay. You made your point," she conceded. "How are the conjoined twins?"

"You wish you had that case, don't you Cristina?" George teased. Cristina held up her plastic fork and gave him a threatening glare.

"They should be able to go home in a week or two. They've grown so much. It's unbelievable, and I can't wait to see them separated in a few months. They're perfect candidates," he said. "And their parents are amazing. You should see them. They've been coming in almost every day for five weeks now, and they love those little girls like nothing else. It's been pretty cool to watch the whole family bonding thing happen, as lame as that sounds. You wouldn't get it unless you saw it, Yang."

"And the bake sale is next week!" Izzie jumped in. "I'm so excited. I'm going to be baking all weekend."

"And I suppose that means I'll be helping," Meredith smiled.

"Or at least doing the clean-up," George mumbled under his breath. He was _so_ not looking forward to the giant mess from all the baking. Somehow, he always ended up cleaning Izzie's famous kitchen messes.

Cristina looked up from the table to see Derek walking toward them.

"Mere, McDick is going to be here in about five seconds, so here's your warning," she whispered.

Derek approached the table where the five interns sat. They looked up at him strangely before continuing to eat in silence.

"Um… Dr. Grey, I was wondering if you would like to scrub in on a craniotomy I'm doing this afternoon for a patient with dystonia. We're going to implant a stimulator, and since you've helped me in a similar procedure, I thought you might be interested."

This was Derek's attempt to open up communications with Meredith. Since Meredith had been looking for an easy opportunity to talk to Derek for a week, she decided to take him up on the offer, especially since that was going to be a damn good surgery.

"I'm with Dr. Bailey today, so you'll need to clear it with her, but I would definitely be interested in scrubbing in for that," she responded, trying to sound very business-like.

"I will do that. It's at 4:30, so I'll see you around 4 in OR 3, okay?"

"Okay. Thank you Dr. Shepherd."

"Y-you're welcome," he said before turning and leaving.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "I wonder what that was all about."

"He obviously needs some action, Grey," Alex joked. "Seriously. When was the last time he got laid?"

"Eight weeks and three days ago, but it's not like I'm keeping track or anything… It's just that it's been so long that I happen to remember exactly how long it's been."

Cristina hadn't been paying attention to Meredith and Alex's exchange. "Why is it that lately, everyone gets cool surgeries except for me?"

* * *

Mark took the rest of the day off so he could take care of Addison. They ate a light lunch at her apartment before taking a nap together upstairs. Addison was so exhausted from not sleeping the night before that her short nap turned into long five-hour nap.

Even in her sleep, Addison was glowing. Mark tucked some of her hair behind her ear so he could get a better look at her face, which was slightly fuller and rosier from pregnancy. She looked so gorgeous and peaceful that he couldn't help but grin. He knew he probably looked ridiculous smiling as widely as he was, but he didn't care because she was his. Her soft smile and the way she had her arm draped over the curve of her stomach made him melt. Mark was lucky, and he knew it.

He worried about ruining everything, though. His track record was terrible. As much as he loved Addison and their baby, Mark was afraid that one day, he would fall back into his old ways. He didn't see it happening any time soon, but the thought of losing everything because of another one of his stupid mistakes scared him to death. At least they were taking it slow. He didn't think he could live with himself if he hurt Addison again and lost the right to love her and their child.

Before Mark could get to worrying too much, Addison stirred in her sleep and rolled over to face him. As she slowly opened her eyes, Mark smiled and kissed her lightly on the lips. She smiled back.

"Feeling better, babe?" He asked her.

"Much," she replied before she sighed and stretched.

And then it happened. It was very faint flutter at first, but within half a second, Addison knew it was more. Her eyes widened as the feeling became more distinct, and she quickly put a hand to her stomach.

"She's moving, Mark," Addison said quietly as she locked eyes with him. "I can feel her."

"Seriously? Where?" Mark asked in amazement. "Where did you feel her?"

"Right where my hand is, but she's not doing it anymore," Addison told him, replacing her hand with his. "Wait… Okay. Did you feel that?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I did." Mark was beaming as he rubbed soft circles over the spot on Addison's stomach. "Wow."

Addison grinned at Mark's expression. She had never seen that look on his face before. He was in absolute awe. And so was she.

"God, Addie. I… I love you." He hadn't expected to say that, but it came out of his mouth anyway. _Shit… I hope she was ready to hear that_, he thought to himself.

But she was. "Thank you," she said in a high-pitched voice as she fought back tears. "I mean… Oh God… That's not what I meant to say. Well, I do mean 'thank you,' but also… I love you too. I've been thinking about telling you these last couple days, but I didn't want to scare you away, so I didn't. I was going to wait for you to say it first just in case, and—"

Mark laughed at how Addison's happiness and nervousness was causing her to talk a mile a minute before he cut her off mid-sentence by kissing her breathless.

"This is amazing, Addie. You are amazing." He pulled her to him so he was spooning her. They laced their fingers together and placed their joined hands over their baby. He kissed the top of her head and breathed in her scent, wanting to remember everything about this moment. "I wish she could hear us now. I want to talk to her."

"Give her about five or six more weeks. Then we can talk to her all we want," Addison told him. The thought of Mark wanting to talk to their baby made her immensely happy.

They sat in silence for a while, reflecting on everything that had just happened. There were no words for what they had just experienced. Addison sighed contentedly, breaking the silence, as she listened to Mark's heart beating in his chest.

"Hey, Mark?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you move in with me?"

"Yeah."

Suddenly, things became about a hundred times more real to Mark. He hadn't given Addison's question any thought at all. He just mindlessly spit out an answer. He was terrified. How was he going to tell her that he wasn't ready without her freaking out?

* * *

This chapter gave me a lot of trouble for some reason. I'm hoping it ended up okay. Basically, what I was trying to get across is that Addison, Mark, and Derek all have communication issues. With Addison and Mark, they both have things they are afraid of that are weighing on their minds. They're going to fake being okay until one of them just breaks. With Derek, he throws a tantrum and then doesn't talk at all. Before any of them can move forward with their relationships and friendships, they are going to have to do some talking. And that's pretty much what's coming up. As for the cheese factor of this chapter... hopefully it wasn't too much, but since Addison is at an exciting point in her pregnancy, I couldn't help it. I am a sucker for happy Maddison. Anyway. Hope everyone had a nice holiday. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Tell me what you think of this chapter if you get a chance. :) I'll try to get something else up by the weekend. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: **Grey's Anatomy and its characters belong to Shonda Rhimes/ABC.

**A/N:** Another long chapter. Happy 2007:)

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen**

Addison spent the entire day after her amniocentesis at home resting. Her life was going absolutely perfectly, so it was easy to relax. Mark was moving in, and they were having a baby. The daylight hours went nicely. She slept late and took a long, hot bath before eating a sandwich and the macaroni salad she had been craving for lunch. After that, she spent a couple hours out on her balcony reading and enjoying the beautiful weather. When she came inside, she decided it was time to start working on the baby's scrapbook.

Though she had always considered scrapbooking to be a waste of time, when Addison saw Natalie Lewis's scrapbook several days earlier, her opinion changed. Natalie's scrapbook for her girls was a perfectly crafted documentation of their short lives. Each page was different, creative, and lovingly decorated. The first page contained their birth announcement. The next several pages contained ultrasound pictures from throughout the pregnancy. All of the pages after those displayed pictures of the girls in the NICU with captions carefully written out by Natalie. There were also a lot of pictures with either Natalie or Greg smiling and interacting with the twins. Addison thought those were particularly cute. You could really see how much Natalie adored her daughters by looking at that scrapbook and seeing how much thought, time, and care went into each page. This inspired Addison to start a scrapbook for her own baby. And even if she ended up not finishing it, it would at least give her something to keep her mind off the amnio results for the time being.

Grabbing her envelope of ultrasound pictures, Addison sat on the floor in front of the television and pulled out her huge bag of supplies from the craft store. She spread everything out in front of her—colored pens, markers, fifty different kinds of paper, glue, stickers, and scissors—and began to think about how she would set up her first page of ultrasound pictures. Having never done the crafty thing before, she was overwhelmed with all the possibilities. Eventually, she decided to mat the pictures on spring green paper and then glue those to the main page, which had a pattern of little yellow ducklings. She figured that was a neutral enough theme, just in case the baby turned out to be a 'he' instead of a 'she' like she thought. Two hours later, after using special scissors and stickers and pens, Addison was looking at her first completed scrapbook page for the baby. It may have taken her a while, but at least it was perfect. She couldn't wait to show Mark.

After cleaning up her giant scrapbook mess, it occurred to Addison that she had not spoken to Mark all day. Usually, he would call around lunchtime when she wasn't working, but that day, he hadn't. She figured he was probably stuck in an emergency surgery and having a busy day. Besides, he would be home with her in three or four hours. She could wait. She needed a nap anyway.

* * *

Mark's day at the hospital had actually been one of the most uneventful in weeks. He spent much of the day in his office catching up on charts. He also did a lot of thinking about everything that had happened the night before—mainly about how he agreed to move in with Addison. While he figured that he would probably move in with her at some point, Mark hadn't expected it to be so soon. They hadn't even been back together for three months. Granted, they had known each other for years, but still, he thought it was pretty sudden. He also thought it was pretty ironic that he was the one worrying about their relationship moving too fast. When they started out, Mark thought he would be the one, for sure, to move too quickly. He never expected that it would be him panicking about the pace things were moving.

Moving in together was a huge step—a serious commitment. The last time they had done that, she had moved into his place, and it ended up terribly. He didn't see himself doing something stupid any time soon, but what if he woke up one morning and felt differently? Then there was the baby. Seeing the baby on the ultrasound was one thing, but feeling her move was entirely different. Although he was initially very excited, his excitement turned to panic the more he thought about it. He was going to be responsible for another human life when he could barely take care of himself. He knew nothing about kids or being a father. Even after all those books from Meredith, Mark was not confident at all that he would be able to do the job right While he had so much to gain, he had even more to lose. There was too much at stake for him _not_ to worry.

So that night after work, Mark found himself at Joe's. He needed to think some more before he went home to Addison. He had avoided calling her all day for fear he would say something that might upset her. He needed to tell her that he wasn't ready to move in with her yet, but he didn't want her to think that he never would be ready.

Walking up to the bar, he found that the only stool open was one next to Derek. At this point, he didn't care who he sat next to, as long as he could drink enough to forget everything.

"Double scotch single malt, Joe," Mark said as he sat down.

Derek looked up and ordered another of the same. The two men sat next to each other in a tense silence as they finished drink after drink, wordlessly daring the other to go for another. Mark knew he would be hungover in the morning, but eventually there came a point where he stopped thinking rationally.

"She wants me to move in with her," he slurred, thinking aloud. "I can't move in with her. I'll fuck everything up, Derek. That's what I always do. I fuck things up baaaaaad. And now I have to be all perfect for her. And I'm not perfect. I can't commit. And… Are you listening?"

"You're a bastard, Mark. I stopped listening the second you opened your mouth," Derek managed to get out before finishing the last of his drink.

"What's your problem?" Mark asked him irritably. "I'm just talking."

"I came here to think. But you… are here. Of course. Because you follow me everywhere and wreck evvvverrrrything. When Richard retires, Burke is going to be Chief. You know why? You and Addison. He doesn't think I can be as 'impartial' as Burke. And now Meredith wants me to be civil toward you, and I can't do that because you ruined my life twice. Just wait until everything backfires and you get what you deserve."

"Derek, it would solve a lot of your problems if you would just stop being a whiny little bitch about everything."

That was it. The alcohol, the news that he had lost his chance at Chief of Surgery, his problems with Meredith, and Mark's comments were too much. Before Mark even saw it coming, Derek had punched him square in the jaw.

"Shit!" Mark exclaimed in pain as he put his hand to his face. "I'm going to fucking kill you, Shepherd."

Derek laughed. "So who's the whiny little bitch now?"

Just as Mark was about to deck Derek, Alex jumped in between them. He and Izzie had been sitting at a nearby table.

"Whoa! Dude… Sloan, don't do it. He's not worth it," Alex said, putting his hands on Mark's shoulders. "Sit down, man. I don't want to have to tell Addison that you killed him."

Mark listened and did as he said. Then Alex turned to speak to Derek.

"Shepherd, cut the bullshit. I'm going to have Izzie call Meredith to come pick you up because you sure as hell aren't driving now."

* * *

It was 11:30 at night, and Addison was dreaming. She knew she was dreaming. But she couldn't wake up. She found herself back in the room where she had delivered Jamie Carr's stillborn son months earlier—only this time she was in Jamie's place. She saw herself sobbing with her knees bent and Mark at her side. Nancy was at her feet telling her to push. Addison wanted to scream that this couldn't be happening to her, but when she tried, no sound came out of her mouth. She felt intense fear and panic as the scene played out before her. When Nancy handed over a nearly full-term stillborn baby girl over to Mark, his face contorted into a look of disgust. He handed the pink-blanketed bundle over to Addison and shook his head disappointedly before leaving the room. Nancy gave her the same disappointed look and followed, leaving Addison to grieve completely alone.

Addison's eyes shot open, and she jolted upright into a sitting position. Her heart was racing, and she was breathing heavily. But she was awake. Leaning back against the headboard of her bed, she attempted to calm down. A huge wave of relief swept over her when she felt the baby move. Apparently her sudden movements had startled her child.

"Sorry about that, baby. I didn't mean to scare you. Mommy just had another one of those bad dreams again," she spoke softly as she caressed her stomach. "Bad dreams are no fun. I worry about you so much that I guess I even worry about you in my sleep. I love you so much, and I just want you to be healthy, you know that? Ugh. I need to calm down for us, don't I? Maybe we should call Daddy because I am really shaken up."

As Addison reached for her phone, she noticed the time. She had slept a lot longer than she had planned, and Mark still wasn't back yet. _Today must have been hell for him if he hasn't even called yet_, she thought. _There must have been a big accident or fire or something. _She decided to call him anyway to at least leave a voicemail. His phone went straight to voicemail, though. It didn't ring. _Maybe the battery is dead. He always forgets to charge that thing._

"Hey. It's me. Call when you get a chance to let me know when you're coming home. Talk to you later," she said into the phone, trying to sound as calm as possible.

She slid back down under the covers and continued to rub her stomach lightly. Her dream had been so real. How could something so horrible happen? The Carr's were a happy and loving couple. She and her parents had been a happy and loving family. What if she and Mark lost their child, too? Would Mark walk away from their relationship as he had in her dream? Would he blame it on her? She couldn't live with that guilt. Living with the guilt of having cheated on Derek was one thing, but feeling as though she was the reason her child did not survive would destroy her. Addison just wanted a healthy baby. She wanted it so much that it was becoming exhausting. The worries were so overwhelming; she couldn't make them stop.

At this point, Addison wasn't even thinking of anything in particular; she just felt deeply panicked both emotionally and physically. She felt like everything was out of control. She needed to talk to Mark. She needed him to be there, to hold her, and to tell her that everything was going to be fine. Picking up her phone again, she decided to call the hospital to have Mark paged. When she got through, though, the nurse told her that he had already left for the night about two and a half hours earlier. _Maybe he's at Joe's. It was probably a tough day for him, and now he's just there to forget about everything._

"Emerald City Bar. This is Joe."

"Hey, Joe. This is Addison Montgomery," she said, sounding more upset than she had wanted to let on. "I was just wondering if Mark was there now. I'm kind of having a problem here."

"Uh… He left a little while ago after a bit of a scuffle with your ex-husband, but he was here. And don't worry about him driving—Alex Karev left with him, so despite a pretty nasty bruise, he should be fine," he told her. "You okay, Dr. Montgomery?"

"Yes. Yes, I'm fine. Thank you, Joe."

"No problem, sweetie. See you around."

Addison hung up the phone, and her mind began to race. She needed hated being needy—it wasn't like her—but now, she needed Mark. Her heart rate increased, and she suddenly felt short of breath. A paralyzing sense of fear came over her, and her arms and legs felt numb and tingly at the same time. Tears poured from her eyes, and she felt sick to her stomach. She couldn't move. She couldn't catch her breath. She couldn't stop crying. Her rational side knew she was having an anxiety attack, but her irrational side felt like she was dying.

* * *

Meredith arrived at Joe's as soon as she could to pick up Derek. On her drive over, she was cursing him for being so stupid. She hated that she was going to have to take care of him when he hadn't exactly done anything for her lately. When she got there and helped him into the car, though, her anger turned to sadness. Derek looked miserable. His eyes blue eyes that used to sparkle and radiate charm were emotionless. It broke her heart to see him like this.

"I miss you," she confessed sadly after a few minutes of driving in dead silence. Her eyes teared up as she continued. "I miss the happy Derek. I miss the Derek who would joke around and flirt with me. I miss the Derek who made me feel special—the Derek who I thought would protect me and love me forever despite everything."

Meredith waited for a response but did not get one. Derek continued to stare out the window with the same lost look, watching the city lights go by in the dark.

"I know you're hurting. It took me a while to understand that because you seem to express hurt by being angry, but now I get it. I'm sorry about what happened today, more than you could ever know. And I'm sorry that you're hurting. I don't like to see you so tense and unhappy because I know what kind of guy you can be. But you need to understand where I'm coming from—it's hard to be with someone who is so angry and bitter all the time. I mean, I can understand why you were upset about Burke getting Chief, but with Mark and Addison… I don't get why you can't give it up. You put me through hell over the last year, but I still love you. I love you so much, Derek, and I thought you loved me enough to let go of your past and start over with me," Meredith admitted to him.

"It's hard to let go of your past when you see it every day," he responded almost inaudibly, still looking out the window.

"Derek, I imagine it would be, but I don't understand how you can let your dislike for them completely consume your life. I know what they did was wrong, but every memory you have from the past however many years involves them. You can't look back on that much of your life with bitterness. Trust me, it's not worth it," she told him, thinking of her own experiences growing up. She desperately hoped she was getting through to him. "I don't want you to do that to yourself. I love you too much to let you do that to yourself."

They stopped at a red light. Meredith closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the headrest before taking a deep breath and wiping away her tears. As she did this, Derek cautiously reached over and put his hand on her knee, lightly squeezing it.

* * *

Mark sat in the passenger seat of Alex's car holding a bag of ice to his face. Though he was pissed at Derek, he was still more worried about his situation with Addison. He looked at over at Alex who was driving. Alex was a lot like him, which was probably why he didn't like the kid at first, but the more he heard about him from Addison and the more he saw of him with Izzie Stevens, the more respect he had for him. It occurred to him that Alex was in a similar situation, too. Each of them had made mistakes in the past, and each was trying to make it up to the woman he loved.

"What would you do if Izzie asked you to move in with her one day when you weren't expecting it?" Mark asked.

"Freak out," he responded. "Dude… She's not planning anything, is she? You didn't hear anything?"

"Not that I know of. I'm just asking because Addison asked me yesterday. It was out of nowhere. And without even thinking, I said yes. As soon as I said it, though, I regretted it."

"Why would you regret it? Addison is perfect. I mean… She's crazy-hot, she's incredibly smart, and she's having your kid. What else could you want?"

"Nothing else. At least I don't think," he said. "I don't know. I just worry that one day I'll go back to being the guy who screws everything up, you know? I need to be sure that I'm not going to screw up before I make that kind of commitment so that I don't hurt her again."

"I worry about that with Izzie. I guess we're kind of alike because both of our women are particularly fragile now, too. Not just because we've hurt them before, but because Izzie just got over Denny and Addison just got over Derek. So we have to be extra careful to do everything right. And that's a lot of pressure."

"Exactly. So now how am I supposed to tell her that I'm not ready to move in with her without her taking it the wrong way and getting hurt?"

"I don't know, dude. That's tough."

"Yeah."

Alex thought about it for several minutes. He felt for Mark, and he also cared for and deeply respected Addison. He wanted things to work out for them. Finally, he had an idea.

"You know, maybe she knows you better than you know yourself," he said. "To you it may seem like she asked out of the blue, but maybe she has just been waiting until she knew you were ready to handle it. Maybe she knows you're ready, and you just doubt yourself because you're used to doubting yourself. Does that make sense?"

Mark considered what Alex had said. "It makes sense. I think you hit the nail on the head, too. She _does_ know me better than I know myself. She always has."

* * *

So Addison is having anxiety attacks, Alex is proving himself to be pretty insightful, Mark is feeling a little more confident, and Meredith has finally convinced Derek that he needs to wake up. Lots of non-dialogue in this chapter... or at least more than usual. Hopefully it came out okay. It took me a while to think all of this stuff out, and every time I would write something, I would end up going back and hating it. I seem to be at that point in this story. Blah. Anyway. I've got a pretty good idea of where the next chapter is going, so hopefully I'll get that up soon. Hit the review button, and tell me what you think of this chapter. That would be awesome. Thanks for reading:)


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: **Grey's Anatomy and its characters belong to Shonda Rhimes/ABC.

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen**

It was just after midnight when Mark arrived at Addison's apartment. He had a major headache from Derek's punch, but other than that, he was feeling pretty good. Alex Karev had saved his ass, and he knew it. Their conversation in the car had been an eye-opener, and without it, Mark was sure he would have ended up hurting Addison somehow. Now, he was ready to face her and perhaps even start talking about moving plans. His worries were gone, and everything was back on track.

He unlocked the door and stepped inside quietly so as not to wake Addison since it was so late. All of the lights were on inside, though, which he thought was strange. Her shift started in five hours, so she should have been sleeping. Upon not finding her downstairs, he figured she probably couldn't sleep and was upstairs taking a bath. Addison had been taking baths a lot lately; they relaxed her.

As he began to climb the stairs, he heard a small, muffled noise come from the bedroom. The noise became slightly louder with each step until he recognized the sound as crying and then ran as quickly as he could the rest of the way up to Addison's room. She was curled up on the bed, sobs wracking her body. Mark panicked. This was not the sight he had expected to see.

"Addison, what's wrong?" He asked frantically as he approached her.

She glanced up at him with a look of terror, her sea-green eyes overflowing with tears, and she continued to cry harder, unable to catch her breath enough to speak. Mark knelt down on the floor next to her and took her hands in his. _How long has she been here like this? Is she in pain? What happened?_

"Babe, you have to talk to me. What's going on?"

All Addison could do was cough and gag in response. Mark climbed onto the bed, and pulled her shaking form into his lap, cradling her against his chest. He had never seen her this upset before—not even after Derek left.

"Do we need to get you to the hospital? Does something hurt?"

She shook her head 'no.'

"Is the baby okay?"

She shook her head 'yes,' before starting to cough again.

"Breathe for me, Add," he whispered as he rubbed her back soothingly. "Please. You need to breathe so you can tell me what's wrong."

"So s-scary," she choked out after a few minutes.

"What's so scary?"

"Ev-everything."

His heart sank. "Oh, Addie," he said sympathetically, kissing the top of her head and pulling her in closer to his body. "Everything is going to be okay."

They sat together for nearly half an hour without another word before Addison's breathing returned to normal and she finally relaxed against him.

"I need to shower and get to sleep," she said finally. "I have to be at the hospital by 4:45."

"No way. You aren't going in until at least noon. I'll call in for you."

"I have a C-section scheduled for noon," she lied, hoping he would drop the subject.

"Fine. You can be there at 11 then."

"Mark, I appreciate your concern, but I'm okay to go to work."

"Addison, you are _not_ okay, and you are _not_ going to work like this."

"I will do whatever the hell I want, and I want to go to work, so I'm going, okay?" She said angrily as she stood up and headed toward the bathroom.

"No. You are _obviously_ stressed out, and that isn't good for you _or_ the baby _or_ your patients. You are going to lay down while I run you a bath, and then when you are done with that, we are going to sleep until at least 9."

Addison didn't like that he was telling her what to do, but her exhaustion kept her from arguing any more. She turned and walked toward the bed. Mark went to help her settle in, but she pushed him away. He left her to rest and made his way to the bathroom to run her a hot bath. When he returned to get her, she was sound asleep.

* * *

"You are going to see patients like that today, Sloan?" Bailey asked as Mark approached her shortly before noon. The swelling had gone down on his jaw, but there was still a definite bruise. 

"I've already seen three patients like this today," he smirked. "Besides, women like the bad-boy look, and this just helps me fit the part even better."

"Or it just makes you look like you got your ass kicked," she said, irritated. "And what are you doing trying to attract other women?"

"Relax, Miranda. I was kidding," he assured her. "Anyway, when Karev gets here, tell him to keep an eye on Addison today. When I came home last night, she was on the floor of the bedroom having some sort of episode."

"What kind of an 'episode' are we talking here?" She questioned, concerned for her friend.

"Like full-out sobbing, coughing, and gasping for breath. I didn't know what to do, and she wouldn't talk about it afterward."

Bailey nodded understandingly. "I'll let Karev know."

"Thanks. It's just that… it was pretty scary, and she hasn't been herself all morning. I'm just concerned because I don't know what brought this on."

* * *

Addison arrived at the hospital at 11 after some much-needed rest. She and Mark had shared a silent ride over and had gone their separate ways once they entered the front doors. No holding hands on the way in, no quick kiss goodbye. She really wasn't angry with him—she was angry at herself for losing control and embarrassed for snapping at him when he had only been looking out for her. Now, though, she was at work, and focus was a necessity. 

"Good afternoon, Karev," she smiled at Alex as he entered the NICU.

"Hey! Glad to have you back," he responded, studying her for any sign of something wrong.

She laughed. "I bet you are. I left you with a lot to take care of."

"Yeah. I had to get help from residents a few times, but for the most part, it wasn't so bad," he told her. Truthfully, he had to get help from residents more than just a few times, and things _had_ been a little more difficult than he had anticipated, but she didn't have to know. "So are you feeling okay?"

"I'm feeling fantastic, thank you. I'm just happy to be back here." She hoped the first part had sounded convincing.

Alex paused before he answered back, trying to read her expression or get a sense of what she was really thinking so that he could report back to Mark. He got nothing, though. "That's good. Now who are we starting with today?"

"Lynn Fieldman, age 40. Seattle Presbyterian sent her over this morning. She is 37 weeks pregnant with a baby boy suffering from gastroschisis," she answered as she handed him the woman's chart. "I did an ultrasound when I first got here this morning, and the case doesn't seem to be too severe. We should be able to correct it surgically right after we deliver him by C-section in about an hour."

His eyes widened excitedly—he was going to have something to brag about to his friends later. "Dude… back-to-back surgeries? And one of them is to correct gastroschisis? I haven't scrubbed in on a surgery for that yet. Score!"

"Be prepared to learn something new, then," she smiled as she began to lead him down the hallway to the patient's room. "This is your reward for working yourself to death while I was gone."

The two entered the room, and Addison introduced Alex to the Fieldmans before beginning pre-op procedures and going over everything that would happen following their son's delivery. At 40, Lynn had given birth to two of her three other children by Caesarian section, so she and her husband weren't worried about her surgery—just their son's. The fact that Lynn was pregnant at 40 made Addison feel a little better about her own situation.

"Recovery time, again, as I said earlier, is going to be about a month in the hospital. It could be more, and it could be less, but barring complications, everything should turn out fine," Addison told the couple.

"So you think he is going to end up a normal child?" Lynn asked. "I mean… they've told us that he will, but it just seems so hard to believe with this kind of problem."

"Well, I can't promise anything," Addison began apprehensively. "About 5-10 of children born with this condition will experience long-term effects, but judging by the ultrasound, his case doesn't appear to be that extreme. It looks like all we are going to have to do is tuck that part of his intestine inside of his abdominal cavity and then close. He might experience some reflux and some minor intestinal problems during his first few months at home, but in most cases, that is the extent of abnormalities. Other than that, he should grow up to be just like your other children. The prognosis is good."

"What about scarring where the hole was?" Mr. Fieldman asked. "I've seen some before and after pictures of other children, and the after pictures don't exactly look normal."

"It all depends on what his initial condition is. If you are concerned about reconstruction of the umbilical region, we do what we can, but I'm afraid it will not look completely normal. I've paged Dr. Sloan, our head of plastic surgery, about it, though, and he should be here to meet with you shortly."

"Yeah. Dr. Montgomery and Dr. Sloan work very well together," Alex smirked at Addison, "so your son is in good hands."

Seconds later, Mark entered the room, nervous about how Addison would react to him. She greeted him in a professional manner and introduced him to the Fieldmans before quickly making her exit to scrub in. Alex shrugged at Mark to indicate he had no idea what was up with Addison and then followed her out the door.

* * *

Both surgeries were a success. The C-Section went smoothly, and the baby's condition was nothing worse than they had expected. Addison and Mark had worked well together on the tiny newborn, barely having to use words to communicate. Thanks to them, the little boy was now recovering in the NICU with a healthy future ahead of him. 

After scrubbing out of surgery, Addison took hold of Mark's arm and led him to an on-call room. She couldn't deal with the awkward silence anymore. Communication had been a problem in her relationship with Derek, and she wasn't going to make that mistake again. She closed the door behind them and then went to sit facing him on the bed.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you last night. You were wonderful to me, and I shouldn't have acted like that… but I need to talk to you about something."

Mark nodded apprehensively, not sure of what she was getting ready to say.

"I've been worrying lately… a lot," sadness and anxiety was apparent in her voice. "And it's gotten particularly bad over the last few days. Half the time I sleep, I wake up from some bad dream. Half the time I'm awake, I'm thinking of those bad dreams, along with every bad thing that has happened or possibly could happen. And it's just become exhausting."

"So that's what last night was then?"

"Yes," she admitted, her voice shaky. She stared at the floor, unable to look at him and hugged her stomach as tears started to come to her eyes. "I just… Mark, I just don't want the baby to end up like my brother, and I don't want to end up like my mother. I don't want to die. I'm happy now. I never thought I would be happy again, especially this soon. I'm just so scared that something is going to happen, and if something does happen, I don't want you to be mad at me."

Mark hated seeing her like this. It physically hurt him to see her so sad and scared.

"Addison, look at me, babe," he said softly as he cupped her face in his hands. "No matter what happens, I love you. You couldn't get rid of me if you tried. I'm in this for the long-haul. If something happens to the baby, I will be devastated, but I would never, _ever_ blame you for it."

Tears spilled out of Addison's eyes as she nodded, and Mark turned around and grabbed the tissue box behind him, setting it beside them on the bed.

"Honestly, though, I think everything is going to be okay," he assured her, placing his hand over hers on her stomach. "This baby in here is going to be perfect. A year from now, Addie, we are going to be getting her ready for her first Thanksgiving and her first Christmas, and she is going to be absolutely perfect in every way. You will both make it through this pregnancy, and you will both be fine once it's over."

"I want to believe that. I really do, but it's just so hard to think rationally when a part of me will always be that scared little six year-old girl who lost half her family in the blink of an eye. Once I start thinking bad thoughts, and I can't stop them. I had a full-blown anxiety attack last night, and it made me feel like I was literally dying, Mark. It was terrifying. I just want to stop being so afraid all the time, but I can't. I can't stop thinking about my mom and my brother. Why did that happen? It makes me so angry and so sad. They didn't deserve that. I didn't deserve that. I was so young. I went to school one morning, and when I came home, nothing was the same. And now… here I am. I just don't know what to do anymore. Everything just feels so out of my control."

Mark looked at the woman before him. She was always so strong and fiercely independent, but here she sat, fighting back tears and expressing to him all the hurt she felt in the past and all the fear she was feeling currently. It wasn't like her at all. He figured growing up without half a family would have been painful for her, and he knew it was the reason why she would never have children with Derek, but he had no idea that it still weighed on her this much. They had never really discussed it before. Not sure what to say, he pulled her into a hug and kissed her temple.

"I'm so sorry, Addie," he whispered after holding her a while and rubbing soft circles on her back. "No one should ever have to go through what you did, especially at such a young age. I can't imagine how scared you must have been. You didn't deserve that; you're right. Your family didn't deserve that. You have every reason to be angry and sad. And I don't know what I can say to make you feel better, so I'm just going to say everything I can possibly think of now. Addison, every day, people like you save families. You save mothers and babies who wouldn't have had a chance even ten years ago, much less thirty years ago. Just think about all the medical advances since 1974—it's insane. You know it is. You see it every day. Think about the Lewis girls. Think about the boy we just did surgery on. They may not have been born normal, but now, they have survived—they have a real chance at life.

"If anything happens with our baby, she will still have a good chance. Same goes for you. And you know Nancy is a phenomenal doctor. She would do anything for you or the baby. Then there is the fact that both of you have connections all over the country if you were to need help. Anything you or the baby could ever need medically, we have access to. Also keep in mind that everything up to this point has been fine. You've been healthy. The baby's been healthy, and she's been developing perfectly. There is no reason to believe things will not continue to go smoothly. Just… no matter what… I will be here. I will take care of you, whatever you need. If you get scared at night, wake me up. If you're worrying during the day, come find me. I want to help you. I don't want you to feel like this. We are in this together, Addison, and if you're hurting, I'm hurting. You aren't alone, babe. I promise."

* * *

----

I thought I had this chapter planned out, but instead, I ended up deciding to save some of it for upcoming chapters. This chapter ended up kind of... blah. It was basically just to wrap up some things. Coming up, Addison is going to make a conscious effort to drive Mark crazy (in a good way). I'm already about two and a half pages into the next chapter, so that should be up by the weekend, if not earlier.

Also, I was also doing some thinking about where the rest of this story is headed, and I came up with a partial list of stuff that I want to resolve by the end. I'm excited. I had to make sure I don't end up making it too fluffy, so I needed to come up with a better plan. Haha. This story is ultimately supposed to be about building and fixing relationships, and I hope that's getting across. I really enjoy writing this story, and I love the comments I get. Seriously. It's so much fun. Thanks, you guys:)


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: **Grey's Anatomy and its characters belong to Shonda Rhimes/ABC.

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen**

"This new bra makes my breasts look amazing," Addison stated simply as she entered the bathroom in a black lacy bra and a black skirt with a slit up the side.

Mark's eyes widened in surprise before he gagged on toothpaste and dropped his toothbrush into the sink. Addison laughed inwardly and then walked over next to him to adjust her cleavage in the mirror. Mark tried to play it cool, but Addison could tell that he was totally watching her out of the corner of his eye. She looked hot, and she knew it—he was practically drooling over her.

Addison had hit the twenty-week mark in her pregnancy days earlier, and around the same time, the sex drive switch in her brain had flipped from "off" to "way, _way_ on." That morning, she decided that she was going to do everything in her power to drive Mark crazy. Walking into the bathroom half dressed was part one of that plan, and it had definitely worked. Of course, she knew that anything she did would work and have double the effect since they hadn't had sex since around the time they conceived their child. Teasing him all day would be fun, but the most fun would be later that night when she would finally let Mark do whatever he wanted with her.

"Seriously… I look _good_," Addison said, continuing to fix herself in the mirror. She was trying so hard not to laugh at the look on Mark's face. "Then again… I don't know," she started, faking a tone of uncertainty. "Maybe they're _too_ big? What do you think, honey?"

Mark shifted uncomfortably. "You… you look great, babe. That bra fits… nicely… on you." _Oh he is SO turned on right now,_ Addison thought mischievously. _I am SO awful_

"Oh, look. You have toothpaste on your chin," she said before suggestively licking her finger and slowly wiping the toothpaste away.

"Thanks. I wouldn't want to go into work with that. I'd look like I was rabid… or something," he laughed anxiously.

"Yeah, that would _not_ be good," she agreed before leaning in and giving him a slow, sensual kiss. "Anyway, we should hurry up and get going because the Lewis girls are going home today, and I want to spend as much time with them as possible before they leave. So try to be ready in the next fifteen minutes, okay?"

"Okay… sure," he said distractedly as his eyes traced her upper body.

Addison gave him a flirtatious smile before leaving the bathroom to finish getting dressed. _Today_, she thought, _is going to be hilarious.

* * *

_

"I think she's trying to kill me," Mark told Meredith that morning; she was his intern for the day. "This morning, she walks into the bathroom half naked while I'm brushing my teeth—I nearly choked to death on my toothpaste. And then she kept touching her boobs and talking about how great they looked. Then on the drive here this morning, she was tracing like circles or something on the inside of my thigh as I drove. And just now on my way up here, she snuck up on me and grabbed my ass in the hallway. I mean… what _is_ that?"

Meredith smirked. Just from hearing Mark's account of his morning, she knew exactly what Addison was up to. "Wow… what's gotten into her?"

"I don't know, but I swear to god… this 'no sex' thing just got about a hundred times worse. If she keeps this up, I'm going to be stuck in a cold shower for the rest of my life."

"Well, at least neither of us is getting any. …Still," Meredith said dismally as she leaned her head back against the wall.

"Yeah. I guess so."

"Kill me."

"Me too."

* * *

_Mission accomplished_, Addison said to herself proudly as she stepped in the elevator to go up to the NICU after her sneak-attack on Mark. When the doors closed, she couldn't help but giggle at her actions. Upon reaching the next floor, the doors opened, revealing Derek. He gave her an awkward half-smile and stepped inside. 

"Nancy told me about your appointment yesterday," he started nervously. "She… uh… told me you guys are having a girl?"

"Yeah, we are," she responded, forcing a smile. "It's… exciting, that's for sure."

"I bet," he said before pausing for a few seconds. "So… how have you been feeling?"

"Well, I've been having a lot of trouble with anxiety because of… you know… but it's lessened over the past week since the amnio results came back normal."

"That's good to hear," he said sincerely. "I know this must be hard on you, though."

"Yeah," she replied softly. "But I'm going to be okay, I guess. How have you been?"

"I've seen better days, but things are starting to look up. I got kind of a wake-up call a few weeks ago, so I'm working on fixing some things."

"That's good."

"Yeah," he said as the doors opened. He stepped out first, but turned around to say one more thing to her before they parted ways. "Hey, Add? …I'm sorry."

Addison gave him an understanding nod before he walked away. She could tell from the tone in his voice and the expression on his face that he meant it. He was sorry for everything, and to _finally_ hear him say that, after everything that had happened in Seattle, meant so much to her. When she thought about it, she knew it must have been difficult for Derek to apologize, especially now that she was having another man's child when he had wanted one so much.

Addison felt slightly guilty about this but reminded herself that he had Meredith now. He and Meredith had a future. And also, it wasn't like she became pregnant to spite him; it had just… happened. They had both hurt each other so much, but now that they had both apologized, she had new hope that maybe, just maybe, one day they could be friends.

Walking into the NICU, Addison found Alex and Izzie looking in on Lillianna and Lindsey Lewis. As she approached the couple, they turned around. Izzie's face broke out in a huge grin.

"Oh my gosh, Dr. Montgomery! You're having a little girl!" She nearly squealed. "Alex told me that you found out for sure yesterday, and I am SO excited for you! Seriously. You have no idea."

Addison smiled, slightly embarrassed. "Thank you, Stevens. I'm pretty excited myself."

"And before you even ask… Yes, I have already rounded on your patients, and no, I didn't know she would freak out this much," Alex told Addison in his usual nonchalant tone.

"Oh, shut up. You're excited, too. If I recall, _you_ were the one who suggested that us girls have some sort of a baby shower in a few months," Izzie told him.

Alex turned red. Addison did also since she was so touched that Alex had made such a suggestion.

"Aw, look. You guys are both blushing. That's so cute," Izzie teased.

"Speaking of cute, how are Miss Lillie and Miss Lindsey this morning?" Addison asked her interns as she walked toward the sleeping girls.

"They're looking good," Alex replied, with a hint of sadness in his voice. The Lewis twins had been his first real patients as Addison's intern, so he was going to miss them when they went home later that day. He would miss their parents, too, since he had also spent a lot of time with them. "It's hard to believe that they're going home. I'm going to miss having them around."

"I know," Addison agreed. "They sure are special girls. At least we'll get to see them when they come back to visit their pediatrician and then again when they start preparations for the big surgery. But still… You did well with them, Karev."

Three hours later, the tiny eight-week olds were settled into a baby car seat and ready to go home for the first time, though not before Addison, Alex, and Izzie gave them and their parents last-minute hugs. Natalie and Greg thanked Addison and the NICU staff profusely for saving their baby girls and taking such good care of them. By 9:00 that morning, every person who had helped along the way was watching the happy family leave. Even Alex had tears in his eyes.

* * *

Mark and Meredith were just leaving the scrub room after a surgery when Derek came running down the hall toward them. The two exchanged a confused glance before Derek reached them. 

"Meredith? Can I speak to you for a moment alone, please?" He asked with a worried look in his eyes.

Meredith sensed something was wrong but had no idea what it could be. She looked up at Mark for permission to follow Derek, and he gave her a nod. From the look on Derek's face, Mark also knew that something had to be up.

Derek led Meredith to an on-call room where they both sat down on a bed. He was silent at first, making her even more concerned.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

He shook his head. "I don't know how to tell you this."

"Derek, I'm a big girl. Just say it. Don't worry about hurting me."

"Meredith, your father had a massive stroke this morning," he told her quietly, grasping her hand.

* * *

"Karev, I want you to page me in ten minutes. Okay?" Addison asked. 

"Why only ten? If you need to rest, take at least half an hour."

"Oh, I'm not going to be resting," she smirked. "I'm playing a little game called 'Drive Mark Crazy' today."

"Whoa… Dude. I did _not_ want to know that. At all," he said. "Ugh… Seriously, Montgomery."

"You're just jealous. Anyway, page me in ten minutes. I need to be able to pull away before he really starts anything."

"Whatever. I'll do it, but just this once."

"Thank you," she smiled. "I knew I kept you around for a reason."

"Yeah. Sloan kept me around to get his dry cleaning, coffee, and lunches. Now I'm helping him and his girlfriend to get action during the work day," he mumbled. "I swear to god I get no respect."

Addison laughed before practically skipping off to find Mark who was supposed to be just getting out of surgery. Halfway across the hospital, she found him studying a chart intently at the nurse's station. He had his back to her, making it easy for her to surprise him. She carefully stepped up next to him and put an arm around his lower waist, startling him.

"Have I ever mentioned how unbelievably _sexy_ you are when you have that serious look on your face?" She whispered slowly and seductively into his ear. "Because you really, _really_ are. God, babe, it just makes me want to f—"

"_ADDISON_! Stop it!" He hissed. "We are in the middle of the hospital!"

"Okay. Fine then," Her breath was hot against his neck, sending a shiver down his spine. As she slipped her hand into the back pocket of his scrubs, he began to lose control. "I'll see you in my office in five minutes."

As Addison turned to leave, Mark grabbed her arm. "You aren't leaving without me."

"Why not? People will know we're up to something if they see us walk in there together with your face as red as it is."

"People will know we're _up_ to something if I go alone," he hinted in an annoyed tone.

Addison looked down at Mark's pants and stifled a laugh. "I see. _Up_ to something… You _certainly_ are."

"Quit teasing," he whispered, his eyes dark. "Ever since that stunt you pulled this morning, I haven't exactly been thinking clean thoughts."

At this point, from the look he was giving her, she was ready to quit teasing, drag him to the nearest room with a locking door, and just go at it. She didn't care if all the nurses had just heard their conversation. She didn't care if they knew where they were going. _Maybe this 'driving Mark crazy' thing won't be as easy as I thought. _Thinking as quickly as she could, Addison threw her lab coat off, handed it to Mark to carry in front of himself, grabbed him by the arm, and dragged him to a secluded supply closet.

As soon as they were inside, Addison pinned Mark against the door with a desperate, harsh kiss. He reciprocated, sliding his tongue roughly against hers as he tangled his fingers in her hair, pulling it slightly in order to maintain some control. She responded by slipping her hands under his scrub top and running her fingers over his chest.

"God, Addison," he groaned before beginning to trail slow, wet kisses up the side of her neck. "You're going to kill me."

She pulled away for a second to survey the room and noticed a chair in the corner. _That will work_.

"Sit," she managed to gasp out just before he captured her mouth again. At this point, holding out any longer was not an option.

Taking her hint, Mark guided Addison backwards to the chair before sitting down and pulling her to straddle his lap, their mouths never separating. His hands traveled up and down her sides until they made their way to the buttons on her shirt. As he began to undo the first one, she pushed his hands away. Their kisses stopped, and they locked eyes. Addison continued to stare at him as she slowly unbuttoned her blouse while grinding her hips on top of his insistently. The expression on Mark's face was a mixture of pain and pure need, causing her to nearly lose it herself. She threw her shirt to the floor and then made frantic work of removing his. They gazed at each other, breathless, for a moment before Addison bent forward and put her mouth to his collarbone.

The sound of a pager broke the sounds of heavy breathing. They each groaned in frustration. _Shit, I'm going to kill Karev. It hasn't even been close to ten minutes._

"You have got to be kidding me," Mark practically whined as Addison climbed off his lap to look at her pager. "Please tell me that it's not important and we can go back to doing what we were doing."

"Damnit. It's a 911 coming up from the pit. I really do have to go," she told him while re-buttoning her shirt. "We will finish this later. I promise. And I mean _finish_ because I'm ready."

With that, Addison grabbed her lab coat and left the room, leaving Mark alone to think about "later."

* * *

- - - - - - - - - -

I thought I would get this out sooner, but it's been a crazy week for me. The semester started on Monday, and my school won the BCS National Championship football game, so nothing has been normal around here. Haha. But... Hopefully things will get back to normal soon. With this chapter... I tried to lighten it up a bit. I had a lot of fun writing the first couple scenes because I can totally see Addison teasing Mark. What else.. umm.. So Derek is being more mature, Addison and Mark are having a girl for sure, and the Lewis girls went home (but they will be back).

Chapter Eighteen will pick up pretty much where this one left off. You will find out about the case Addison is dealing with from the pit. It's going to upset her and Alex. Meredith is going to see her father. Derek is going to step up to the plate again... finally. Addison and Mark will have a talk. And... you will find out why Addison slept with Mark in the first place (at least I'm pretty sure I'll fit that into this next chapter). The next update is going to encompass a lot, so it's going to be long. :) Thanks for reading, you guys!


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: **Grey's Anatomy and its characters belong to Shonda Rhimes/ABC.

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen**

When Addison arrived to meet her emergency patient, she was surprised to find a pretty high school-age girl sitting in the exam room with her mother. By the way the mother and daughter were dressed, it appeared as though they were fairly well-off. They didn't seem like the type of people who would be victims of domestic violence, but that is what brought them to the ER that morning.

"Dr. Montgomery, this is Megan Rawlings, age seventeen," Alex began, with a hint of something in his voice that Addison couldn't quite figure out. "Her father hit her this morning after finding out she was twelve weeks pregnant, causing her to fall, and she is here with her mother now to make sure everything is okay with her and the fetus."

Addison's heart broke for the girl. She didn't understand how a man could ever hurt his daughter like that, regardless of what she may have done. Megan looked so sad and scared, as did her mother who was sitting in a chair next to her. Looking more closely, Addison noticed that Mrs. Rawlings had a pretty severe bruise on her arm—it looked broken.

"Hi, Megan. I'm Dr. Montgomery," she started, trying to sound as comforting as possible. "I know you must be so scared, sweetie, but I promise I'm going to do everything I can for you and your baby. I'm going to need to do an examination on you to make sure you are okay, and then we can do an ultrasound to check on the baby. First, I'm going to need to ask you some questions, though. Is that alright?"

Megan nodded nervously in response.

Through her questions, Addison found out a fair bit about Megan Rawlings. She and her boyfriend had been dating since they were fourteen, and around six months earlier, they decided it would be okay to have sex. Though they had used protection, Megan somehow got pregnant anyway. She wanted to keep the baby, as did her boyfriend.

Mrs. Rawlings had been disappointed in her daughter at first, but when it came down to it, Megan was still her little girl; she was going to support her decision. It was Megan's father who had the problem. When he accidentally found out that morning as Megan was getting ready for school, he went into a rage. Having a pregnant teenage daughter was unacceptable to him; it would be an embarrassment. He was the president of a successful company—his daughter simply could not be pregnant at seventeen, especially at one of the best private high schools in the state where he was on the board of directors. When Megan argued that she would be keeping the baby, he hit her, causing her to trip and fall. It was then that her mother stepped up to block him, giving Megan time to run. Mr. Rawlings left for work minutes later, leaving his wife with a twisted, broken wrist and his daughter scared half to death.

"It's not that he's a bad person," Mrs. Rawlings defended, "it's just that… he's very concerned for his daughter's future."

Upon hearing this, Alex excused himself.

* * *

_"Meredith, your father had a massive stroke this morning."_

Meredith was in shock. She knew that a massive stroke was extremely serious, especially for someone her father's age. Derek explained to her that a clot had blocked his carotid artery and cut off blood flow and oxygen to his brain for an unknown amount of time, destroying most of his left hemisphere. Currently, he was comatose and on a ventilator, showing no signs of waking up. She didn't know what to think. It was so much to process. She didn't know whether to be sad that her father would probably die or to be angry with him for never getting to know her. Even though she had told Derek weeks earlier to let go of the past, Meredith was finding that maybe telling him to do that had been hypocritical—this incident was bringing back her feelings of bitterness over her childhood.

"Do you… uh… want me to leave so you can think?" Derek asked her, unsure of how to handle the situation.

"There's too much to think about," she whispered, staring blankly at the wall. She exhaled sadly and then swung her legs up onto the bed to lie down. They sat in silence for a few minutes before she spoke again. "He left me, Derek. He _left _me. I was _five_, and he just left. And now he has this perfect family with two perfect daughters whom he completely adores. What about _me_? Why didn't he fight my mother for me? Why hasn't anyone ever truly cared about _me_ or put _me_ first? Probably because I'm so goddamn selfish—my father is going to die, and here I am whining and brooding over how much my life sucks."

Within seconds, Meredith found herself wrapped in Derek's arms as he lay down beside her. She had hoped so much that he would hold her, but with the way things had been over the last few months, she wasn't sure that he would. Here he was, though, holding her hand and hugging her against his body.

"Thank you," she murmured as tears began to slide slowly down her cheeks.

"You're first now, Meredith," he whispered, kissing the top of her head. "I'm putting you first from now on, and I am _never_ leaving you again. You are an amazing person, and I can't thank you enough for not giving up on me these last few months. Your father missed out on knowing a great girl."

* * *

After finishing with Megan Rawlings, Addison stepped out of the room and into the hallway, closing the door quietly behind her. Standing right outside, was Alex. 

"How is she?" He asked, clearly upset at the situation, as they began to walk away.

"Medically, she and the baby are fine, but emotionally, I have no idea how that girl is going to be able to deal with her father," she told him sadly. Addison now knew firsthand that being pregnant was stressful enough to begin with, but adding in that kind of stress would be almost unbearable, especially for someone so young.

"That guy is a bastard, and it pisses me off that he's going to get away with it. I mean… his wife's in there defending him after he broke her arm _and _hit their pregnant daughter. They'll go home to that tonight, and he will keep messing with them until something really bad happens that can't be fixed. It's just not right. A man who hurts his wife and daughter like that should not _ever_ be able to get away with it."

"All we can do is hope that they get help. But you're right—this kind of thing should never be allowed to go unpunished. It's so unfortunate that there is no justice for domestic abuse most of the time. Cases like this are incredibly upsetting."

"I couldn't stay in there because I couldn't stand to hear her defending him. My mother was like that," he admitted. "No matter what my father did to her—it didn't matter. As the kid, it was hard to watch because you are powerless. You know you're watching something happen that isn't right, but there isn't a thing you can do about it. That in itself is scary, but with Megan… I can't imagine how scared she must be to have to go home after what happened today."

Addison was surprised at Alex's revelation and also moved by his insight.

"I didn't know that about you, Karev," she said softly.

"Most people don't, but what's done is done. I've let go of what happened for the most part, but just seeing a case like this brings back some old memories that I'd rather forget, you know?"

Before Addison could say anything, they ran into Bailey.

"Addison! Glad I found you," she began. "We're going to be short an intern for a few days, so I'm just giving you the heads up now that I might need to borrow Karev on occasion. Grey's father came in this morning after a massive stroke, and naturally, she's pretty shaken up over it, so I'm not letting her do any work until she seems okay again."

At the mention of "massive stroke," Addison froze—that had been the cause of her own father's death not too long ago.

Addison had been very close to her father, Michael Montgomery. They had a very special relationship from the day she was born, and he loved to spoil her. He had played a role in every key event in her life—from kindergarten graduation to medical school graduation and from her wedding to her divorce. He raised her alone, despite being a very successful and important businessman, and somehow always managed to make time for her. Most importantly, he always encouraged her to follow her dream of becoming a doctor. Addison loved him like no one else, and his death tore her apart.

Derek had given Addison little sympathy the night she received news of her father's unexpected passing. It was a quick hug, an "Addie, I'm so sorry," and then it was back to work. Work was too important to even accompany Addison to the funeral. Instead, Mark went with her. It was Mark who held her as she sobbed at the memorial mass, and then at the gravesite, and then again the night they came back—the night where she got desperate for someone to just love her. Mark had been there. He was holding her. And he was so close. And she just needed _someone_. She was so tired of Derek not caring, and not having him there at one of the lowest points in her life made things all the more painful. So when Mark gave her that light kiss on the cheek, she had pulled him down to her lips for more, and then more, and then still more until they were suddenly upstairs in bed together with Derek walking in on them, ending her life as she knew it.

* * *

When Mark heard the news of Thatcher Grey's condition from Bailey, he was headed to perform a lengthy emergency surgery. At first, he felt a deep sadness for his friend—Meredith had been his first friend in Seattle. If it weren't for her, he was sure that things with Addison would not be going nearly as well as they were. She had risked her own relationship to help him with his. Mark could only hope that this situation would make Derek realize that he couldn't be selfish anymore. 

Mark's thoughts then went to Addison. He knew that as soon as she found out about everything, she would be upset. She would be thinking about her father, her failed marriage, and that life-changing night in New York. There were too many painful memories for her to be dealing with in her current state, especially since her anxiety attacks had just stopped. He knew that all of this meant that sex would have to be put on hold once again, but really, he didn't mind.

After being in surgery for a little over six hours, Mark was finally free to go find Addison. As he walked past the OR board, though, he noticed that she had just started a surgery with Burke on a newborn with hypoplastic left heart syndrome. That was going to take a while. Turning around to head back towards the Plastics wing, he found himself nearly running into Derek.

"Sorry about that," Derek mumbled, barely making eye contact.

"Don't worry about it," Mark replied. He watched Derek continue walking for a couple seconds before he called out to him. "Hey, Shepherd!"

Derek turned and gave him a confused look. Much to his surprise, there was no trace of anger on his ex-best friend's face.

"Take care of her," Mark told him, in reference to Meredith.

Derek nodded solemnly and then continued on his way.

* * *

When visiting hours were over, Meredith made her way into her father's room. She had been thinking about this moment all day, and while she was nervous, she felt that it was time for closure. Thatcher was covered in wires and tubes; he looked so different from the man Meredith had known and loved as a small child. 

"Well, Thatcher… Dad… it's me, Meredith. I know that you probably can't hear me, but I need to get all of this out now or else I'm going to end up one of those really bitter old women, and I don't want that," she said, while pacing around the room. "I wish things could have been different. I needed you. I will never understand how you could just leave your little girl. I was so confused then. I thought I did something wrong to make you leave me. For years, I blamed myself and thought there was something wrong with me. I needed someone to care and fight for me growing up, and I didn't have that because you _left_. Maybe one day my mother will let it slip exactly how things happened. Maybe there is somehow an acceptable reason for you not fighting for me. I don't know. But right now, I have no answers, and I'm stuck having to make sense of all that has happened. And I'm probably rambling now."

Meredith stopped pacing and sat down in one of the chairs near the bed. She exhaled and ran her fingers through her hair, trying to figure out what to say next and trying so hard not to cry. After a few minutes, she continued.

"I told a very important person in my life recently that he can't be so bitter about things that happened to him in the past. I thought I had gotten over most of my anger, but today has shown me that maybe I haven't. And I need to be over it. I need to let go. So I'm here to tell you that I forgive you. When I met Molly and she started talking about how wonderful her father was, I was pretty angry that you weren't that kind of father to me. But you know what? At least you were a good father to someone. And when I think about it, when you were my father, you were great. I remember being truly happy when you would take me out for ice cream or to the park. Maybe at some point, I will be able to look back on those moments and be more thankful for them rather than be upset that we didn't have more time together. When it comes down to it, though, I forgive you for leaving me, Daddy, and I'm so sorry that this has happened to you.

"If you somehow pull through this for your family, you are all going to have a tough road ahead. If you don't, then I hope that there is some sort of place after we die where you can watch your wife and your two girls and maybe even me. I've never believed in a heaven, but for your sake, I hope it exists."

* * *

Mark walked into the attending locker room that night to find Addison already changed and waiting for him to go home. She was sitting on one of the benches near his locker looking completely exhausted as she leaned backwards in an effort to stretch her back. 

"Sore back, babe?" He asked sympathetically as he approached.

"Yeah. It's getting harder to do long surgeries now that I'm this big," she sighed and then started to stretch her shoulders. "How did it go today? I heard some interns talking about you reattaching some guy's face after a car accident. They sounded pretty impressed."

"They sounded impressed because it was a very impressive surgery, performed by an even more impressive surgeon," he smirked before sitting down next to her to massage her neck and shoulders. "As for the patient, he's going to live, but right now, I'm concerned about you after what happened with Grey's father today."

"You don't need to worry. I'm fine," she assured him. "At first, I was kind of taken aback, but because I had other things to think about here, I ended up surprisingly okay. I promise."

"But if you weren't okay, you would tell me, right?"

She smiled at his concern before turning to face him. "Of course. Now can you hurry up and change so I can get home and take a bath?"

"Ooh! Impatient now, are we?" He teased as he removed his scrub top and stood up.

"Shut up. I'm allowed to be impatient since I have to carry your daughter around all day, every day, for at least another eighteen weeks," she pouted. "And please put a shirt on now because I am not going to be able to control my urge to jump you for much longer."

"And by 'jump' me, you mean…?"

"I mean I really, _really_ want to have hot, steamy, mind-blowing sex with you. Like so badly that I can hardly sit still right now, so please, please, _please_ put your shirt on and finish changing as quickly as possibly before I die of sexual frustration. Okay? Okay."

Mark couldn't believe his ears. "Did I… uh… Did I hear you correctly?"

"You sure did," she said sweetly before drastically changing her tone, "SO QUIT STANDING THERE AND CHANGE YOUR GODDAMN CLOTHES!"

Less than half an hour later, after almost running two red lights and one stop sign, Addison threw open the door of the apartment and allowed Mark to rush inside ahead of her to fill the bathtub upstairs. While he did that, it was her job to pick out snacks since they would probably be up there for a while.

As she frantically searched the kitchen, it occurred to her that Mark hadn't actually seen her completely naked since the last time they had sex. Suddenly, Addison felt self-conscious. Her figure was very different from what it had been nearly five months ago. Would Mark still find her physically attractive? He had seen her stomach, sure, but not her whole body. Would her new body be a turn-off?

"Addison! Let's go, babe!" Mark called from upstairs.

Nervously, she gathered the snacks she had selected and made her way to their bedroom, where she found Mark sitting on their bed wearing nothing but a towel around his waist.

"You ready?" He asked mischievously.

"Oh yeah," she lied, forcing a smile. "I'm going to do the towel thing, too. That was a good idea. It's… sexy. I'll meet you in there, okay?"

"Okay. I won't take anything off until you get there," he said, kissing her. "Hurry up, though."

When she entered the bathroom wrapped in a towel, her heart was beating like crazy. Part of it was due to the fact that she wanted sex so badly, but it was also because she was scared to death of what Mark was going to think when he saw her. _Here goes nothing_, she thought as Mark pulled her into his arms and kissed her eagerly on her mouth, neck, and shoulders. She tried not to let on that she was nervous, but when he pulled at her towel, she had to say something.

"How about you first?" She asked quickly, holding the towel firmly to her body.

He looked at her strangely, but complied and let his towel fall to the floor.

Addison could barely breathe when she looked at him. Her eyes traced up and down his perfectly toned form. She wanted desperately to reach out and touch him everywhere, but she was so afraid that he wouldn't feel the same about her.

"Are you sure you're ready for this, Addie?" He asked, sensing something was wrong. "Because if you aren't ready, we can wait. I mean… That would suck, but it wouldn't kill me."

"No… No, I'm ready. It's just that," she paused and took a deep breath. "I'm afraid you aren't going to like what you are going to see. Sure, I'm ready for sex, but I'm not so sure I'm ready for you to see what my body looks like at twenty weeks pregnant."

Mark's heart sank when he heard her admission. Addison _never_ let on that she was self-conscious about her body. As far as he was concerned, she looked just as hot five months ago as she did right then.

"If you want, I'll close my eyes the whole time," he joked before becoming more serious. "Or I can dim the lights more or you could even keep yourself covered—whatever would make you feel more comfortable. But honestly, I don't think that there is any way you could look at _all_ unattractive to me, especially when you're carrying my baby. Whether you are twenty weeks pregnant or forty weeks pregnant, I will still think you are the most gorgeous, perfect woman I've ever known. You are amazing, Addison, and I love you, okay?"

That was exactly what Addison needed to hear.

"You promise you won't freak out if I let you see me?" She asked apprehensively.

"I promise."

"And you meant everything you just said?"

"Would I say something that mushy and sappy if I didn't really mean it?"

"That's what I figured," she sighed. Closing her eyes, she bit her lip and dropped her towel.

Mark's eyes widened. Somehow, she looked even sexier than he remembered.

"God, Addie," he whispered breathlessly. "You're beautiful."

Addison slowly opened her eyes one at a time and found Mark staring at her with a soft look on his face that she had never seen before. In case she ever had even the slightest doubt before, she was absolutely sure now that he loved her.

She allowed Mark to gently take her hand and lead her over to the bathtub. He stepped in first before carefully helping her into the warm water. Once they were both submerged, Addison moved to straddle his lap. He was going to let her be in control this time, so she began by taking his face in her hands and kissing him soundly on the mouth.

"I love you," Addison whispered as she lightly stroked his cheek with her thumb and stared into his darkened blue eyes.

Seconds later, they were joined together for the first time in months, ready to take their time and explore each other in a way they never had before.

* * *

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I'm pretty sure this was the longest chapter yet. I needed Meredith to resolve her Daddy issues, and I needed to explain what led Addison to sleep with Mark in the first place. I also needed Derek to see that Meredith needs him. Oh yeah... and Addie and Mark needed to have sex. Haha. Hopefully that part wasn't too lame and sappy. I've had this chapter planned out since like November, so it only took me a few days to write it, though I think it might be a little disjointed. Oh well. Ummm... next chapter is Christmas for Mark and Addison, so it might be kind of cutesy. Derek is also going to take another step towards reconciling with them. And Mark and Meredith are going to have a scene or two. And that's all I'm completely sure of right now. Okay. Until next time, you guys:) Thanks for reading. Also, since a lot of stuff happenend, let me know what you thought of this chapter. :)


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: **Grey's Anatomy and its characters belong to Shonda Rhimes/ABC.

**A/N: **I got a ton of reviews last chapter. They made me smile. I'm so happy you guys liked it:) Sorry that this chapter took so long to get out. I'm not sure why exactly, but I ended up cutting out a lot. That stuff will end up in the next chapter. I've started writing scenes from the next two chapters, so it shouldn't take nearly as long to get those up. All you need to know about this chapter are three words: Christmas. Maddison. Fluff.

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen**

Christmas used to be Addison and Derek's special holiday. When they were together and happy, they would spend the entire month of December preparing for it. They would decorate a tree, bake cookies, and take walks in the freshly fallen snow. Addison's favorite holiday tradition, though, had been going to the tree lighting in Rockefeller Center every year. It was always freezing cold, but it never mattered because Derek was always there with his arms wrapped tightly around her. Together, they kept each other warm as they watched an ordinary tree become beautiful in an instant. It had been perfect. But there came a year when Derek wasn't there to see it with her. He wasn't there to shield her from the cold or to watch in awe as thousands of tiny lights illuminated the giant tree. Instead, Addison stood next to Mark in the crowd feeling cold and empty. When Derek conveniently couldn't make it again the following year, she decided that the tradition was over. The year after that was even worse—it was their first Christmas in Seattle. Derek, of course, chose that Christmas Eve to be the night to tell Addison of his love for Meredith. At that point, she lost nearly all hope that she would ever enjoy Christmas again.

One year later on Christmas Eve, though, Addison found herself in an incredibly good mood. Everything had changed drastically. She never could have anticipated a year ago that she would be spending this Christmas divorced, happy, pregnant, and in love with _Mark_, of all people.

"Hey," Addison said happily as she approached Mark in the lobby of the hospital. It had been a long, tiring day for her, and she hadn't seen him all day. "I missed you."

Mark pulled her into his arms and gave her a short kiss. "I missed you too. Are you ready to go home?"

"Mmhm," she mumbled against his shoulder. "Just let me stand here like this for another couple seconds because I'm really tired. I've been in and out of the OR and running around like crazy all day."

She sighed sleepily, and Mark tightened his hold on her in response.

"Do I need to talk to Richard about cutting down your workload? You shouldn't be working yourself this hard now," he told her. "I don't want you to overdo it, babe, and I think you might be overdoing it."

"I know. I'll talk to him in a couple when we get back," she assured him. "Now let's go home because I want you to see your Christmas present."

Mark laughed and took her hand to start walking out to the parking lot. "Whatever you got me, you hid it pretty damn well because I've been looking all over for it, and I've found absolutely nothing."

"I thought about that ahead of time and hid it at Miranda's," she smirked. "I know you too well, Mark Sloan. You just can't wait for anything, so I knew that the only way I was going to keep this a surprise was if I put it somewhere you could never get to."

"Ooh… that's very sneaky of you," he complimented.

"I know," she responded, kissing him on the cheek. "Just wait until you see _how_ sneaky. Prepare yourself because this is going to be one _hell_ of a surprise."

As they drove home, Addison couldn't help but grin excitedly at the thought of Mark's Christmas gift—a New York-themed living room featuring bits and pieces of his favorite parts of life in the city he missed so much. There were framed photographs of the city lining the deep blue walls, a floor lamp that looked like a Central Park streetlamp, new barstools at the bar that looked into the kitchen, and dim lighting that was reminiscent of a New York City bar. Addison had also put up shelves and filled them with items Mark had been keeping in boxes since he moved in. The best parts of the room, though, were the dartboard and plasma screen television that were mounted on separate walls and the pool table that stood on an over-sized rug.

When they arrived home, Addison casually unlocked the door and led Mark inside.

"Merry Christmas, babe," she said happily before flipping the light switch, revealing the room she had created.

"Holy shit!" Mark exclaimed in surprise, taking everything in. His jaw dropped slightly and his eyes widened. "Addison… this is incredible."

"I know. It is, isn't it?" she teased. "But really, I know you hate Seattle, so I thought you could use a little piece of what life was like in New York."

"How did you manage to pull this off?" He asked in amazement as he began to look more closely at the pictures on the wall.

"Well I kept everything over at Miranda's house since there is no way I could have hid it here because of your snooping," she laughed. "And then last night when you were on call, I had Miranda, Tucker, Karev, and Stevens come over with everything. Tucker and Karev did all the heavy lifting and electrical stuff, while we girls put up the pictures, organized everything on the shelves, played with baby Tuck, and ordered the boys around. It was fun. Do you like it?"

"Addison, I love it," he grinned and pulled her into a tight hug. "I feel like a little kid. This is easily the best Christmas present I've ever gotten."

"Good. That's what I was going for," she smiled and kissed him. Seeing Mark this excited made her happy. He had given up so much for her in coming to Seattle and had changed so much, and she hoped this would help show him how much she appreciated it. "Now look and see what's in the box on the pool table. It's from the baby."

"More presents? This is the best Christmas ever!" Mark said jokingly, even though he was completely serious. He unwrapped the box and looked inside. The first thing he saw was a little pink onesie with "I Love My Daddy" embroidered across the front. His face immediately softened. Seeing that written on the tiny outfit was surreal. He was going to be a daddy, and in no time at all, his little girl, his and _Addison's_ little girl, would be wearing that. Having never really had a family, this meant a lot. He didn't even know what to say as he stood there staring at it, so he decided instead to put his feelings into hugging Addison with everything he had in him. "My little peanut loves me," he smiled.

"She sure does," Addison giggled. "And so do I. Now look at what else is in there."

Mark pulled out the onesie and set it aside. Underneath it sat a framed ultrasound picture with the baby sucking her thumb.

"That was taken this morning. It's for your desk at work," she told him. "So when people come in to see you, you can show her off."

One more thing remained in the box—a large case of peanuts from Yankee Stadium that Addison had labeled "Peanuts from the Little Peanut." She knew it was cheesy, but she couldn't help but write Mark's new nickname for the baby on the box. It was too cute to pass up.

"Official Yankee Stadium peanuts! This is awesome!" He said before kneeling down to place kisses on Addison's stomach. "Thank you, Peanut. I love you. One day, I will take you to see the Yankees, and we will eat peanuts and hotdogs and have lots and lots of fun. You just wait."

Addison melted every time Mark talked to the baby. It had become a frequent thing now that they knew the baby could hear them, but the tone he used when he talked to their child never failed to get her all choked up.

"Now it's my turn. Time to spoil my girls," Mark grinned as he stood up and took Addison's hand. "Follow me upstairs."

Other than hearing Mark talk to the baby, another thing that Addison loved was how Mark would say "my girls" in reference to her and the baby. It was simple, but so genuinely sweet.

"Okay. Go sit down on the bed, and I'll be right back," he told her once they reached the bedroom. "I actually _did_ hide stuff here, and I don't want you to know my secret hiding places because even though you say you don't look, I don't want you to get any ideas."

She laughed at him. "Okay."

Within a minute, Mark was back with five boxes. He set them on the bed and then took his shoes off so he could sit up next to Addison.

"So here's the deal," he started nervously, "You are really hard to shop for because you already have _everything_. And I wasn't even going to attempt shoe shopping because I don't know what the hell to look for. Then there's also the fact that I'm not used to having to be very thoughtful when it comes to Christmas, so just—"

Addison took his hand in hers and settled them against her knee. "Mark, I'm sure whatever it is, I'll love it. You obviously put thought into it, and that alone means something to me."

He squeezed her hand and slid the pile of boxes towards her. "The top two are for you, and the bottom three are for the Peanut. But don't think you got cheated because you still have one more gift that I couldn't exactly wrap."

Addison smiled at him and decided to unwrap the baby's gifts first. In the first box, she found a Yankees onesie, an I Love NY onesie, a 2007 Yankees calendar, and a New York City picture book for kids.

"Oh, you and your Yankees," she teased, running her fingers over the fabric of the Yankees onesie. "I have to admit that this _is_ adorable, though, and the I Love New York one is _perfect_ since her parents are both New Yorkers. These are so, so cute. I know see this stuff every day, but now I'm going to have my own little person to wear these. It's pretty crazy."

"If _you_ think it's crazy, think about _me_," he said, leaning over to kiss her. "Mm I love you. Flip to April 24th in the calendar."

On the square for April 24th, Mark had drawn a simple little smiling stick figure family—one stick figure with spikey hair to represent him, one with long hair for Addison, and a little tiny one with a bow on her head to represent the baby.

"And that is the extent of my drawing abilities," he told her, laughing.

"Oh my god… You are going to make me cry. Mark, you drew a freaking stick figure family on her due date! Do you realize how incredibly cute that is?"

"At first I did it because I thought it would be funny, but now that you mention it, I guess it's cute, too. Even though I'm not used to using that word since it makes me lose bad-ass points."

"Oh please," she rolled her eyes and began to unwrap the next box, which contained several classic children's books.

"I thought we could start reading them to her now," he explained. "That way, she gets to hear us talk, _and_ it will make her extra smart. And Addie… I see that look on your face. No crying until you finish opening your presents."

"Well technically, these aren't _my_ presents, they're _her_ presents," she reminded him, tapping lightly on her abdomen. "But I'll try not to cry anyway. Let's see what's in her last box."

The last box contained Mark's favorite gift for his daughter—an intricately designed antique-style carousel music box. It was nearly a foot tall, but it was still a perfect size to display in the nursery. It was made mostly out of pure white porcelain, and the flowers, bows, horses, and other details on it were hand-painted shades of pink, blue, shiny gold, and green. When he first saw it, it made him think of something Addison may have had as a child, simply because it looked so elegant and traditional. When he turned the key in the back, a happy-sounding tune began to play. What sold him on it, though, was the fact that the horses moved up and down and rotated just like on a real carousel. He could picture himself holding his baby girl as she watched it with curiosity and amazement, and he knew it would be perfect.

"Mark, this is beautiful," Addison gasped as she held the music box out in front of her to look at. When she turned the key and it began to move and play music, her eyes started to water, and a few tears made their way down her face. All the while, she was beaming.

"Come here," Mark said, holding out his arms.

Addison moved to lean against his chest. She sighed and he put his arms around her, resting his hands on her stomach. Just as they had both settled like that, the baby began to kick. Addison looked up at Mark to see if he had felt the movement, and instead of using words, he leaned down and gently brushed his lips over hers. She in turn reached up and tangled her fingers into his hair, pulling him down toward her to deepen the kiss.

"Thank you," she breathed.

"For what?" He asked, pressing one more quick kiss to her lips.

"Everything. I know that's kind of a nondescript word, but really, I am so happy right now that I couldn't even begin to describe how I feel. You know that the last two Christmases I spent in New York were miserable. And then last Christmas, Derek decided to inform me that he loved Meredith. And I was just expecting to be alone and depressed over Christmas this year, and I'm not. I'm really, _really_ not. And I know in my heart that next Christmas is going to be even better because I trust you, Mark," she told him. "I told you when you came back that it was going to take a lot to get me to trust you again, to really let you in, and you have done everything I could have ever expected of you and beyond. You didn't push me. You let us take things slowly. You have been here for everything I've needed, and it's made my life so much easier. It's made our daughter's life so much easier. And I just can't thank you enough for becoming the person you have for us over the last few months. I knew you had it in you, but you have really surprised me with how you made this commitment and never looked back."

"You have always believed in me, Addie. If you hadn't, I couldn't have done this. These past few months have completely changed everything. Every day, I wake up feeling like the luckiest man alive because you gave me another chance. I don't deserve you, and I don't deserve a baby with you, but I'm going to try like hell to be everything you both could ever need," he said softly, running his fingers through her hair. "I want you to be happy, and knowing that you are feels amazing. To know that you trust me feels amazing. You are making me feel things that I have never felt or let myself feel before, and while it's scary and kind of weird for me, I like it. And this is probably the first Christmas I have ever had where I felt like I was spending it at _home_. I just feel that comfortable with you. I feel that much in love with you, and it's like nothing I've ever experienced. I thought I loved you in New York, but this is a whole new level. This is the real thing. So if you're thanking me, I'm thanking you even more."

"Damnit, you always make me cry," Addison laughed wiping away tears. "But they're happy tears."

"They taste good too," Mark joked as he kissed one of her tears away. "Now you have two more boxes to open, and then I get to tell you the third thing. Start with the bigger box, and just tear the paper off instead of being all neat and perfect and Addison-like because I'm really impatient to see your reactions."

Underneath the wrapping paper of the larger box was a video camera. It would be the perfect way to fully capture every key moment in their daughter's life from day one. The next gift left Addison breathless—a platinum necklace with a heart-shaped pendant covered in tiny diamonds.

"This is what I wasn't sure about," Mark said hesitantly. "You already have a million pieces of jewelry with diamonds so this might not mean that much, but my intention was to find something with little Peanut's birthstone. I didn't know it was a diamond until I looked it up, so… yeah… you're stuck with another diamond necklace. If you don't like it—"

"Are you kidding? I love it, and I especially love that you got it with her in mind. I'll wear it all the time, and I can wear it during surgery, too, so I will always have a little piece of you both with me. But you do know," she smirked, "that if she's more than six days late, you'll be buying me emeralds too, right?"

Mark leaned over and began to talk to Addison's stomach, "Hey, Peanut. It's Daddy. Come out on time. I'm really bad at jewelry shopping, and it's really boring. Don't make me do it again. So if you could make it out here before May, I'll buy you some cool toys."

The baby kicked a few times in response to his voice. Mark smirked up at Addison, and Addison playfully smacked his chest.

"Oh great. You are already conspiring against me with her. I should have known," Addison groaned. "But… I think if you tell me what gift number three is, I won't be so hurt."

"Well, I know how you haven't been feeling so great about yourself lately, even though I think you look completely hot. And I know you have been working way too hard lately when you really shouldn't be. So on New Year's Eve day, you and Miranda are going to go to a day spa to get massages, facials, manicures, pedicures, and whatever other girly crap you do at a place like that. Then they're going to do your hair and makeup before you leave. After that, I will meet you at the hospital for the New Year's Eve party, and you will be feeling relaxed and gorgeous and ready for the new year. Sound good?"

Addison squealed and clapped her hands excitedly. "YES! Oh my god… I haven't been to a spa or anything like that since New York. Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"I'm good. I know," he said with a cocky grin.

"You certainly are. Wow. I'm really excited about that."

"Good," he kissed her temple. "Now… I have an idea."

"Yes?"

"Now that all of the presents are unwrapped," he began before raising an eyebrow, "can I unwrap you?"

Addison burst out laughing. "That was quite possibly the worst seduction attempt _ever_, you know."

"But you loved it."

"I can't deny that," she replied. "So to answer your question—yes, you may 'unwrap' me as long as you actually allow us to get out of bed to go eat after a little bit because I kind of really want food."

"Sounds like a plan," he said before pulling her down to lay facing him on the bed. They lay staring at each other for a while, just taking everything in. She smiled as he cupped her face with his hand and stroked her cheek with his thumb. "We can read little Peanut a bedtime story after we have dinner, too," he said after a while. "Maybe _The Very Hungry Caterpillar_ since she likes lots of weird food."

"I think she would like that."

"I think so too. I also think that I'm pretty much going to be the best dad ever."

"I love your modesty," she teased. "But I'm glad that you feel confident about this. Think about how scared to death you were at first."

"I know, and I'm still a little scared. But really, Addie, I'm so ready for this and so excited for this… for her… for us. It's perfect, you know?"

"Yeah," she sighed and paused for a few seconds. He was being really sweet, but she was thinking of other things. "Now, could you please start unwrapping me or do I have to do that myself?"

* * *

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That was majorly fluffy, but I think it was necessary to show how good their relationship is now, how far they have come, and how well they know each other. They came up with thoughtful Christmas gifts for each other, which is an especially big deal for Mark, and they are both completely in love with their baby. Through everything, though, they are still the same people they always were-- Addison still loves being spoiled, while Mark is still pretty self-confident and is still always looking for a reason to "unwrap" Addison. Haha. Anyway. I told you guys that this chapter was going to have some Mark/Meredith stuff and some Addie/Derek stuff, and because this ran really long, I'm moving it over to next chapter. The chapter after that is going to be fun-- SGH New Year's Eve.

Hopefully I'll update again by the weekend. Let me know what you thought of this chapter since it's considerably fluffier than usual. Thanks soso much for reading and reviewing. :)


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: **Grey's Anatomy and its characters belong to Shonda Rhimes/ABC.

**A/N:** Get ready for a long chapter...

* * *

**Chapter Twenty**

"Richard is going to kill me," Addison groaned as she and Mark made their way through the hospital as quickly as possible. They had taken three days off for Christmas, and the first thing on their schedule on their first day back was a conference with all of the surgeons who would have some role in the Lewis twins' separation surgery. "There are at least thirty prominent surgeons from all over the country in there waiting on me to give an overview of the girls' condition, and I'm late. I'm never late. I'm too good to be late. It's unprofessional. I'm supposed to be the leading consulting surgeon on this case. I am going to be the youngest surgeon _ever_ to co-head an operation like this, and here I am showing up late to the first conference. That is unacceptable. No one is going to take me seriously. No one is going to believe that I'm capable of doing this."

"Addison, we're barely a minute late," Mark laughed at her.

"You're laughing. Why are you laughing? This is not a laughing matter," she snapped. "All you have to do is stand up for five seconds when Richard introduces you. I have to speak. Do you have any idea how nerve-wracking this is going to be for me? More than three-quarters of the surgical team is male and over forty. I have to make them believe that a woman under the age of forty is capable of pulling something like this off, and being late is not going to help my case any. And neither is the fact that I'm freaking _huge_."

"AUNT ADDIE!" shouted a small, energetic voice from behind the couple. "UNCLE MARK! HI! IT'S ME!"

The voice, Addison knew, could only belong to one person—Nancy's youngest son Jamie. But why were they here? She didn't have another appointment for another two weeks. She and Mark stopped, turned around, and were met with the sight of Nancy struggling keep a hold on her four year-old's hand.

"Wow, Mommy. Her tummy is _big_. There really _is_ a baby in there," the little boy commented to his mother in amazement as they approached.

_Great_, Addison thought, _my four year-old nephew thinks I look fat. Fabulous._

Nancy cringed at her son's comment and attempted to laugh it off. "There sure is, Jamie. That's your baby cousin."

"What are you doing here?" Mark asked. "This is… surprising."

"Well Yale-New Haven is sending our head of pediatric surgery out here to observe the separation surgery, and they decided last minute that it would be a good idea to send James along, too, since he's second in command," Nancy said, referring to her pediatric surgeon husband. "So both of them are here for the initial conference this morning, and we just decided to tag along since the boys are off from school. We're going to go to the Space Needle today. Wait… why aren't you guys in the meeting?"

"Because we're late," Addison said, shooting Mark an angry look. "I'll call you later, Nance. We'll have to have you guys over for dinner one night before you leave."

"Yeah!" Mark began excitedly. "I got a sweet new pool table and television and—"

"MARK! We are four minutes late! We need to go!" Addison interrupted, frustrated. "Bye Nancy. Goodbye, Jamie! Have fun today, sweetie!"

As they entered the conference room, Mark gave Addison's hand one quick "good luck" squeeze before they parted ways. He went to sit with the other Seattle Grace surgeons, while Addison cautiously made her way to the front to sit next to Richard Webber. She tried walking as confidently as possible, but she still felt completely intimidated. Addison was good at faking confidence, though; she always had been. Because of this, she was able to make it through an extensive speech about herself, her experiences in New York with three other separation surgeries, the condition of the Lewis twins, and the plan of action, along with a lengthy question-and-answer session, which she shared with Richard. Nearly two hours into the conference, her pager went off.

"Sorry. I have to take this," Addison said nervously to the people in the room. "I've been monitoring a woman whose twenty-two week-old fetus has a large congenital cystic adenomatoid malformation, and this page might mean that I need to take her in for an emergency surgery."

"I'll wrap it up, Addie. Go answer that page," Richard told her.

"Thank you, Richard. And thank you all for coming," she addressed the group. "I look forward to working with this team. See you in a month for the next meeting."

_Thank god that's over_, she thought to herself as she rushed out the door.

When she arrived at her patient's room, she found that the baby's condition was deteriorating quickly. She was going to have to move fast from one high-stress situation to another with no time for a break in between.

"Fetal heart rate is unstable, and she's showing signs of hydrops. Mrs. Miller is also retaining too much fluid, and her BP is up," Alex informed Addison as she began checking her patient over.

After an ultrasound, it was clear that something would have to be done; both the fetus and the mother's lives were at stake. Addison had been in medical school when CCAM operations were still in experimental stages, so she had experience with them, but they were still risky since the fetus wasn't even twelve inches long. The lemon-sized tumor was stunting lung growth and also pressing on the small, grape-sized heart. The mother would have to be opened up in order to get to the fetus, and then they would have to open up the fetus's fragile chest in order to remove the tumor before it was too late. Time was not on their side either—the longer the baby was exposed, the less chance she had.

It was difficult for Addison to keep herself together as she entered the OR to perform the surgery. She allowed Alex to make the first incision into the mother and then the second incision into the uterus. Addison couldn't do it herself. She needed all the time she could get to prepare for what she was going to see inside—a tiny, helpless baby who was only a couple weeks younger than her own daughter. It would be like looking inside herself, only this little girl was very sick. She closed her eyes momentarily and took a deep breath, hoping that she would be able to keep her cool. Her heart was pounding as she reached in and felt the baby beneath her fingers.

"Hand me the monitor, Karev," Addison finally spoke as she very gently took hold of the baby's tiny reddish pink fist. She tried not to allow her emotions to get the best of her as she attached the miniature electrode to the baby's hand, but from the second she saw her, Addison couldn't help it. She felt like that was _her_ child that she was getting to meet nearly sixteen weeks early.

They worked quickly, excising the tumor as efficiently as possible using the smallest surgical instruments available for one of smallest patients they would have that year. Just as the tumor was removed completely, though, the monitor started to beep.

"The fetus is bradycardic," Alex announced as he watched the numbers on the baby's heart monitor drop.

"I can see that," Addison said as she frantically tried to fix things. "Damnit, she's going to flatline."

Sure enough, a loud, persistent tone emanated from the monitor just after she finished her sentence.

"No. No, no, no," Addison shook her head in disbelief as Alex and the nurses looked on in silence. "Come on, baby girl. You can do it. Come back," she whispered hopefully as she carefully massaged the heart. "Please come back. Fight it."

After several very tense seconds, the little heart began to beat again, and everyone breathed a huge sigh of relief. Once the mother and child were stable, Addison closed up and then sent the still-pregnant mother to recovery. Thanks to her, the baby would likely make it to full-term and live a normal life after birth.

"That was amazing, you know," Alex commented in the scrub room. "Thanks for letting me scrub in. Definitely the most inspiring surgery I've ever participated in. By far. Seriously, Montgomery. That was unbelievable, seeing a kid that small."

"Yeah," she replied in a small voice, still trying to process everything that had just happened.

"You okay?" He asked.

"There's only about a two-week difference in gestational age between my little girl and the little girl whose life we just saved," she replied after a long pause. "So it's just… kind of overwhelming to think about. I mean, you saw how tiny she was. She was just so small and vulnerable. It's not often that you actually get to _see _a fetus at that stage of development, and it's just completely sobering, especially now."

Alex nodded. "I understand. Well…maybe not like you do, but I definitely agree. I honestly think I will remember this surgery forever. That was really was one hell of an experience."

"I'm glad it taught you something," she said, giving him a bit of a smile as she left the scrub room and headed out into the hallway, only to be met by a worried looking Mark and a no-nonsense looking Bailey.

"I came up to watch in the gallery as soon as the meeting got out," Mark told Addison as he kissed and embraced her. "You did good, babe."

"Thanks," she whispered, starting to cry against his shoulder. "God. It was just so scary for a second there, and I never let these things get to me, but that baby was the same age as our baby and she was still inside her mother and our baby is still inside of me and—"

"Shh, Addie," he comforted her. "You're going to take a rest for about an hour or so, okay? You can't keep working at this pace under this much pressure."

"I'm fine. I promise I am. J-just give me a minute," she stuttered.

"You're taking at least sixty minutes, Addison," Bailey said. "I don't care how 'fine' you think you are. You are taking a rest before things get any more stressful for you today. I'm sure Karev can handle things for a while without screwing up. I'll keep an eye on him. But for now, you are going to go lay down."

"I outrank you, Miranda. I hate to bring that up, but I need to because I have work to do. I took three days off, and there are too many things that need to be caught up on."

"This isn't a resident speaking to an attending here, Addison. This is a concerned friend talking to a friend."

Addison nodded appreciatively and allowed Mark to lead her to her office. When they arrived, he opened the door for her, and she immediately went to lie down on the couch. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that she really was overly stressed and exhausted. She lay on her side and closed her eyes as Mark sat down and pulled her feet onto his lap.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you this morning," she mumbled sleepily. "I was just scared about what everyone was going to think. I'm still scared. I know I'm capable of helping Richard head this surgery, but I know people doubt me."

"Screw them. They don't matter," he said supportively as he removed her shoes and began to massage her feet, which were undoubtedly sore from standing. "You know you can do it. Richard knows you can do it. I know you can. Preston knows you can. Hell, _Derek_ knows you can. Those other guys… you don't have to see them ever again. What they think doesn't matter, Addie. They're just intimidated by the fact that you are as good as you are."

"Thanks," she smiled, blushing slightly. "I needed to hear that."

"You did," he agreed. "Just… next time something like that is bothering you, tell me, okay? That way, I'll know not to piss you off."

He looked over at her and smirked. She playfully threw one of the pillows that was behind her head at him in response, causing them both to laugh.

"How's Little Peanut doing right now?" Mark asked after a while. "Is she taking a nap or is she getting her exercise?"

"Oh, she's getting her exercise. Trust me," Addison groaned. "Whenever I lay down lately, it seems like she wakes up and decides it's a good time to stretch out and have her own little party. That's another reason why I was so cranky earlier. It's hard to sleep when there's someone kicking you and rolling around inside of you and making you have to get up to pee all the time. I mean, I love knowing that she's in there and doing well, but really, she has the worst schedule ever. And the foot massage is good, but I think my shoulders need it more now."

Mark nodded sympathetically and helped her sit up so he could start to rub the back of her neck and shoulders. "I'm sorry that you have to go through all of this. I know you want to and that the outcome is going to be the best thing to ever happen to either of us, but I'm sorry anyway," he said quietly, pressing a lingering kiss to the place where her neck and shoulder met. "I love you, Addison."

She closed her eyes and shuddered at the feeling of his breath on the back of her neck. He began to kiss her again and again in the same spot before slowly trailing his lips up to her earlobe. She moaned softly, leaning back against him and further exposing her neck as his hands reached around to cup her breasts underneath her scrubs. "I love you, too," she breathed. "Mm… we shouldn't be doing this now."

"Why not?" He asked, biting her earlobe slightly. "It's not like we haven't done it up here before. And it's not like you don't want to."

"But do you want Miranda walking in on us when she comes to check on me? Because I don't."

Mark stopped what he was doing and glanced over at the doorknob. "Damnit. I didn't lock the door."

"Exactly," Addison sighed disappointedly as Mark slipped his hands out from under her shirt. He stood to go lock the door, but she grabbed his arm to stop him. "Babe, as much as I want to right now, and believe me when I say I want to, I really think I should try to rest and keep my heart rate down after everything this morning. Miranda was right."

He gave her a slightly pained look. "Okay. You're probably right. I should get going anyway. I want to be able to meet you for lunch, so I should get some work done."

"You aren't mad, are you?" She asked worriedly.

"Oh I am _so_ mad," he teased. "So mad that I think we might need to have angry sex tonight."

"Sounds good to me," she giggled, pulling him down for one last kiss. "I'll see you later, then."

"Of course. Now… you need to rest—you are going to need your energy later," he told her suggestively as she lay down again. "Do you need a blanket or something? I could go get one."

She smiled at his thoughtfulness. "That's okay. I'm good. It's kind of warm in here anyway. Thank you, though."

"You could at least cover up with this just in case," he said, removing his lab coat and draping it over her. "I need my Addie and my Little Peanut to be as comfortable as possible."

Addison blushed. "Thank you. We are _very_ comfortable now."

"Good," he grinned. "Bye, Addie. Bye, Peanut," he said quietly, kissing Addison's forehead and then her stomach before turning to leave. As he opened the door, he saw Derek heading towards him.

"Is she… uh… in there?" Derek asked him awkwardly.

"Yeah, but she's resting," Mark responded protectively. He and Derek hadn't talked pretty much at all since that night at Joe's, so this was an uncomfortable situation. "So whatever you have to say to her, say it fast, and if it's going to stress her out or make her feel bad, don't bother going in there at all because she doesn't need that now."

"Okay. I'm not going to stress her out or upset her in any way. I promise," he told him honestly. "I just need to talk to her about some stuff."

Mark nodded and allowed Derek to go inside.

"Hey," Derek said as he nervously stepped inside and shut the door behind him. Addison started to sit up, but he motioned for her to lay back down and sat on the floor next to her. He had been carrying a small stuffed bear, which he placed on his lap.

"Hey," she smiled, trying to make the situation a little less awkward. While they had been interacting civilly for the last few weeks since that morning in the elevator, things still were far from normal. "So… Nancy, James, and the boys are here?"

"They are. About 9:30 last night, I heard a car pull up, and then five seconds later came the sound of three kids yelling 'UNCLE DEREK!' on the front porch," he laughed. And she did too, remembering what it was like when they would get together with his huge, chaotic family.

"This morning on my way to the conference, I ran into Nancy and Jamie, and he was yelling 'AUNT ADDIE!'" She recalled happily. "It's nice to see them again. It's been a while."

"Yeah," he agreed. "We are going to be seeing more of them, though. In fact, probably more than we can handle, especially for me."

"What do you mean?"

"Richard offered James a job here that pays better than Yale-New Haven, and he's going to start as soon as possible," he told her. "Richard is also going to ask you about bringing Nancy on as your replacement while you're on leave since it would be easy for you to train someone you already know. Apparently, he has made it his mission to move every single person I know to Seattle."

"Wow. I knew James didn't get along with the head of Peds there, but still… this is pretty unexpected."

"Tell me about it," he rolled his eyes. "My meddling sister is moving to Seattle, and she is going to drive me up a wall."

Addison laughed. "She is going to do the same to Richard, don't worry. You'll have company upstairs in Psych," she teased.

"Thanks," he said sarcastically. He paused and smiled his McDreamy smile. "I miss joking around with you like this."

"Me too," she replied softly. "So… are you going to introduce me to your little stuffed friend or does he not like strangers?"

"This is actually the reason I came up here in the first place," he told her, holding the teddy bear out toward her. "I couldn't find you on Christmas Eve to give this to you, but it's… uh… it's for the baby."

Addison slowly sat up and took the little pink bear, the perfect size to put inside a crib, into her grasp. It had an adorable smile, a little heart-shaped nose, and was made of an incredibly soft fabric. Tied around its wrist was a gift tag labeled "From Uncle Derek." Addison melted—this was something the old Derek would have done.

"Oh, Derek… this is so sweet of you," she smiled gratefully as she gave the toy a hug against her chest. "This is very, very sweet. I'm sure she will love it. Thank you."

"If you press its right hand, it plays a song," he told her excitedly.

Sure enough, when Addison pressed its hand, the familiar melody of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" began to play. She looked up to see Derek giving her an anxious smile as he waited for her to say something. Rather than saying something once the song ended, Addison decided to take a small risk—she held out her arms and enveloped Derek in a hug. And for the first time in a long, long time, he readily hugged her back. She had missed this feeling so much; the feeling of his strong arms around her, the feeling that conveyed that he really did care.

"You're going to be a fantastic mother, Addie," Derek whispered sincerely as he held her. "She is going to be one lucky little girl."

"You have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that," she said. She paused a moment before continuing, in order to control her emotions and to enjoy the feeling of his arms around her. "I know it can't be easy for you to see me like this… all those years, and I never gave you the baby you wanted. And now for this to happen… I don't blame you for being angry before, and I'm sorry if I hurt you. I really am sorry."

Derek put his hands on her shoulders and leaned back in order to look her in the eye. "If anyone needs to apologize, it's me. You don't need to apologize. I'm not hurt, and I'm not mad. I was for a while, definitely, but it wasn't your fault, and I'm over it now. Okay?"

"Okay," Addison nodded, fighting back tears. She was feeling so many things at once: happiness over Derek's behavior, sadness over what they had lost, guilt for hurting him, and happiness again because things seemed to be on the path to being okay.

"Good," he grinned. "I can't be mad at you anymore, Addison. You have such an amazing glow about you now that whenever I look at you, I can't help but feel happy for you. It's going to take me a while to get used to the fact that Mark is behind a lot of your happiness, but I'll get there. It's just… we had too many good years together. I hurt you, and I was wrong. I hate admitting that, but I'm saying it now because I miss you. I hate that we aren't even friends anymore, and I'd like to fix that with you."

"So you are giving me a stuffed bear as a 'please-be-my-friend-again' peace offering?" She teased.

"Basically," he shrugged. "So can we work on it? The friends thing?"

She looked at him and smiled. "I think we can."

* * *

- - - - - -

So you guys are still reading twenty chapters later, and that feels so cool! Hehe :) I thought I had a plan for this chapter, but it ended up writing itself. To summarize... Addison and Webber are co-heading the separation surgery. Addison might be a neonatal surgeon, but before you can do that, you have to do pediatric surgery (at least according to Wikipedia, the greatest website ever). Time-wise, this would not be possible for Addison to have the zillion specialties like she does, but that's Shonda's fault, not mine. Haha. Anyway. One of the big things for Addison here is her worry that she might not be able to handle such a huge undertaking. She feels like people doubt her, and that's going to continue to be a part of the story. And I needed to bring in Nancy for something coming up down the road a bit, so I had to bring her whole family in. You probably won't see much of them, but they're there. As for the surgery in this chapter, I saw it on Discovery Health last week, and I had to use it, especially because of the age of the baby. And Mark is being great as usual, while Derek is also really starting to come around.

Next up... Seattle Grace New Year's Eve. I'm excited about this one. Let me know what you thought of this chapter if you've got time. :) Thanks for reading and reviewing, as always!


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: **Grey's Anatomy and its characters belong to Shonda Rhimes/ABC.

**A/N:** Sorry that it took so long to get this updated. I really have been working on it for almost two weeks. I seriously had like six drafts of this and way too many different scenes that I had to cut out. So here is Chapter 21. It's more than 4000 words, so get ready. Thanks so much for being patient. :)

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-One**

Addison used to hate getting dressed up. When all the other girls were excited about senior prom, she was dreading it. The dress, the shoes, the having to look perfect—she didn't want to deal with any of it because no matter what she did, she would still be tall, awkward, insecure, braces-wearing, band geek Addison Montgomery. Looking back on her adolescence and early adulthood, Addison would describe herself as having been an ugly duckling, with her transformation occurring as her relationship with Derek Shepherd progressed. Early on in medical school, Derek noticed her when no one else did. He helped her to feel more comfortable in her own skin to the point where, eventually, no one from high school would have recognized the sexy, confident woman she had become. With Derek at her side and her newfound self-confidence, Addison found herself actually looking forward to a formal dance, and at that med school winter formal in their second year, she felt truly beautiful for the first time in her life. She didn't feel awkward anymore. The way Derek looked at her and held her like she was the only person in the world who mattered was a feeling like no other, and she experienced it at every formal event they attended together afterward: from more med school formals, to their internship mixer, and finally to hospital charity galas.

In the latter years of their marriage, though, the feeling began to disappear. There was a distance between them; Derek had put up emotional barriers that were impossible for Addison to break through. When they danced, he didn't hold her as closely or as tightly, and he always seemed distracted. It hurt. The more events she had to go to and pretend to be happy with Derek, the more painful it became. It was like high school again—she began to dread having to put on the dress and the shoes and look perfect since things just weren't anymore. She didn't feel the same about herself because Derek was different, and he had been her other half for so long. It became increasingly difficult to carry herself. Then when prom came around at Seattle Grace, that last shred of hope she held for a return to normalcy was destroyed. Addison was back to being that gawky seventeen year-old who felt undesirable, and it seemed like it would stay that way.

But walking into the Seattle Grace New Year's Eve Party several months later, Addison felt better than she had in years. She was confident and happy. Mark had unexpectedly become her other half, and in the coming year, they would each become one-third of a family. Everything just felt _right_.

Of course, it also helped that she had spent the day being pampered at the spa with Miranda. Her mind was relaxed, her muscles were free of all tension, and her skin felt soft and flawlessly smooth. She felt like a new person, and she couldn't wait for Mark to see her in her new dress, which was the perfect combination of sexy and playful. It was black, silky, and strapless, cutting off just below the knee, and just underneath the bustline was a black-and-white-striped sash that wrapped around to tie in a large bow at the back, helping to accentuate all the right curves and draw attention to the shape of her growing stomach.

"Hey you," Addison called from behind Mark.

He had been standing off to the side fidgeting anxiously, but his eyes lit up when he heard her voice. Upon turning around, he said the first two words that popped into his head:

"Whoa… damn."

Addison grinned at his reaction and slowly turned around in a circle so he could see her (and the dress) from all angles.

"So you like it?" She asked.

"'Like' would be a huge understatement," he answered breathlessly.

It had been a long time since he had seen her in a dress like this, and whenever he _had_ seen her this dressed up, she was never his to look at, much less his to touch. But now, Addison was his, and he was hers. She was everything to him, _and_ she was carrying his child, somehow making her more beautiful than he ever thought possible. As he continued to study her, he noticed that she was wearing the necklace he had given her for Christmas. With her hair mostly up and her neck and shoulders bare, the sparkling heart shape stood out for everyone to see. He felt a surge of pride, especially once his eyes drifted down to her stomach.

"Addison Forbes Montgomery, you are without a doubt _the_ most attractive woman I have ever seen, and that dress… is hot."

"Thank you. I'm glad you like it," she blushed, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him quickly on the lips. "You look pretty hot yourself."

"Thanks. I could use some help with my tie, though," he admitted, handing it to her. "I suck at ties."

"You know, for as long as I've known you, you have never known how to properly tie a tie. I find that incredibly endearing," Addison told him, looping the tie around his neck and knotting it effortlessly. "There we go. Tied. Now it's time for you to take me out there to dance."

"Of course," he grinned, holding his arm out for her to grasp. "I may not like dancing, but I _would_ like to make everyone else jealous by showing off the fact that I have_ two_ dates tonight."

Addison giggled and placed her free hand over her stomach as Mark led her over to dance. She had been afraid that memories of the prom several months earlier would ruin her night, but after being around Mark for five minutes, all of Addison's thoughts focused on enjoying the present. He was beaming simply from being there with her. He thought she was special, and beautiful, and worth something, and everything he did conveyed that. As he laced their fingers together and pulled her to him to dance, she felt like nothing could be more perfect. It was so different from the way Derek had held her at prom. With him, there had been the painful emotional distance she had grown used to. With Mark, there was a connection that made her feel so comfortable and relaxed. She couldn't stop smiling.

"Mm… I like this," Addison sighed after a few minutes, resting her head on Mark's shoulder.

"Me too," he replied before beginning to rub soft circles on her back. Suddenly, he felt a series of light kicks to his stomach, and just when they seemed to stop, they picked up again. "Hey! She keeps kicking me! That's not very nice," he pretended to pout.

"Welcome to my life," Addison laughed. "But she's been a good girl today for the most part… mostly just rolling around. Nothing too exciting. The next few weeks are going to be her most active, though, and then she'll be too big to do much."

"Our Little Peanut won't be so little anymore."

"And her mother won't be either," Addison said dismally.

"But I will love you both anyway," Mark told her, kissing the side of her head and hugging her tighter. When she didn't respond, he knew she was worrying about something. "You okay, babe?"

"I just miss my body, and I'm afraid I won't get it back. It's not like I'm going to have time to go work out enough to lose thirty-some pounds right away," she told him. "It's just… I don't want people asking me about when I'm due like six months after she's born, you know?"

"Come on, Addison, that's not going to happen."

"It might."

"Sure, there's always a chance, and if it happens, which it won't, it won't matter because we will be together, and we will be a family."

He was right. It wouldn't matter. Plus, whenever she heard him talk about them being a family, she couldn't help but smile because he always sounded so completely invested in the idea.

"You'll still be attracted to me if I don't have my body back right away? I mean, you think this baby bump thing is cute now, but when I suddenly deflate, it's not going to be pretty for a while."

"I promise you that I will love deflated Addie just as much as I love the Addie I'm dancing with right now," he told her, pulling back slightly so he could look at her. "Okay?"

"Okay," she responded, offering a small smile.

"We could go out and get one of those jogging strollers if you want," he suggested.

"Wait a minute…" she raised an eyebrow, "you know what a jogging stroller is?"

"You underestimate me," he smirked. "I've been doing my research, thank you very much."

"Impressive," she laughed. "And what have you found?"

"That there are about ten billion different kinds of strollers that all look the same but are actually surprisingly different once you start researching safety and comfort ratings and stuff like that," Mark replied expertly.

Addison stopped dancing and stood still. Mark was researching safety and comfort ratings on strollers for their daughter. She couldn't think of too many things more adorable than that.

"Do you not want to dance anymore?" He asked, confused.

"Well, I do kind of have to go to the bathroom since _someone_ is sitting on my bladder, but I stopped moving because I think it's completely adorable that you are so serious about _stroller_ research."

"We need a safe and comfy stroller so we can have a safe and comfy baby," he reasoned.

"We do," she agreed, bringing their hands to rest on top of her stomach before tilting her head up to kiss him. "Mm… I love you. Thank you for making me feel better."

"No problem. That's what I'm here for."

* * *

Meredith and Derek stood across the room drinking champagne. The death of Meredith's father three days after his stroke had significantly strengthened their relationship. Derek was there for Meredith through the whole thing, putting her first just as he had promised and helping her deal with all of her negative and conflicted emotions. He knew he hadn't been there for Addison when she had been in Meredith's situation, so he made even more of an effort to be there. As a result, Meredith was slowly beginning to trust him again, and he was realizing that the more he put into their relationship, the less anything on the outside mattered—like his problems with Addison and Mark. It suddenly seemed pointless to be actively angry anymore. His moods improved, and Meredith noticed. Eventually, he was sleeping at her place on most nights, and the night before, they had finally resumed their sex life. 

"They're happy," Derek observed of Addison and Mark after taking a long sip out of his glass.

"They are," Meredith agreed, noting the lack of resentment in his voice. She set her glass down on the table beside them and then wrapped her arms around his neck. "You know… I heard about what you did the other day."

"Huh?" He asked, confused.

"I was assigned to Plastics yesterday, and Mark told me about the little stuffed bear you gave to Addison for the baby," she smiled up at him. "Apparently, she thought it was so cute that she carried it around at home all that evening. She's very attached."

Derek grinned. "Really?"

"Yep," she replied. "And I'm very proud of you for taking that step."

"I owe it to you to start taking steps. You put up with me, you didn't give up. It's about time I start putting as much effort into this thing as you do. You deserve it. You deserve good things, Meredith," he told her. "So for this New Year's, I'm making two resolutions. The first is to let go of the past because you were right; it's not worth it to be angry forever. It's miserable, and it turned me into a person I don't like. My second resolution is to go back to being the man you fell in love with. I am going to think before I act. I'm not going to be jealous. I'm not going to be overly possessive. I am going to trust you. I am going to love you and be here for you always."

"Okay," Meredith said softly, hoping that everything he said would really happen.

"I'm going to work on it. I promise I will."

As Derek hugged her tightly, Meredith looked over his shoulder to see Mark smirking and giving her a thumbs-up, indicating that he was happy for her. She grinned back at her friend and then went back to enjoying her moment with her reformed McDreamy. Things were going to be okay.

* * *

Addison returned from her bathroom break to find Mark sitting in a chair against one of the walls. She walked as quickly as she could toward him because about thirty seconds before, she thought of something that she felt she should have thought about weeks ago. They needed to talk. 

"As I was washing my hands, it occurred to me that we need to go shopping… like _yesterday_," Addison said, flustered. "You are already thinking about strollers, and I haven't even begun to think about anything like that. I've been so busy with work and plans for the separation surgery, that I haven't even considered the fact that our child is going to need… stuff. Mark, she is going to be here before we know it, and we haven't even started to buy anything a baby needs. We need a carseat and crib and a bassinette and a rocking chair and a changing table and a little dresser and blankets and clothes and one of those little baby bath tubs and a diaper bag and bottles and I'm going to need a nursing pillow and a breast pump and—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Mark interrupted. "Add, chill, babe. We'll get it done. Don't worry."

"How? We're both busy people. We work like crazy. We can't even leave our workplace for New Year's Eve!"

"We'll pick a day. We can look at everything in catalogues or on the internet beforehand and make a list of everything we like, and then we'll take a day or two to do a marathon shopping spree like you love so much. If we have trouble finding time or you don't have the energy, we'll figure something out. I'm sure Miranda would love to help. She would know what she's looking for. Stevens squeals every time she sees you now, so I have no doubt that she would help. Karev loves you and knows the whole baby deal, so he would go with her to make sure she doesn't go overboard. See? We're good. We're set."

Addison nodded slightly, letting everything Mark had said sink in. "Okay. We're set. We'll do this."

"Yep. Now drink this and sit down with me for a little bit," he told her, holding out a glass of what looked like champagne.

"Champagne has alcohol, remember?"

"I remember. That's why this is sparkling apple juice," he said matter-of-factly, handing her the glass before sitting down and pulling her into his lap.

"Sparkling apple juice," she grinned, taking a sip and leaning back against him. "Very thoughtful. You just earned yourself some points there."

"I try," he laughed as he wrapped his arms around her, effectively cradling her against his chest. "God… You look so… cute… like this. With the dress with the bow and your little bump and the way you're sipping your apple juice. I don't ever want to let you go."

He kissed the tip of her nose, causing her to giggle and lay back against him.

"I don't want you to ever let me go," she said softly, closing her eyes to fully enjoy the feeling of just sitting together.

* * *

Around 11:30, all of Bailey's interns, with the exception of George who was dancing with Callie, found themselves gathered together in a corner of the room. 

"Look at Montgomery and Sloan. God. It's disgusting," Cristina complained as she watched the couple across the room. Their giggling, smiling, and general cuteness had gone too far. "Seriously. They used to be two of the biggest hard-asses around here, and now they're all touchy-feely and _happy_. Mer, they're even worse than you and Derek ever were. I swear… if he ever knocks you up and you suddenly become all giddy and cheerful, I think our friendship will be over."

"Don't worry. I don't plan on getting 'knocked up' any time soon," Meredith told her. "But I think it's nice that they're together. Addison isn't that bad, and Mark and I are friends. I'm glad that everything is working out for them. I mean… who would have thought that Mark could go from man-whore McSteamy to the perfect McDaddy?"

"Aw… McDaddy! That is _perfect_!" Izzie said excitedly. "He is _so_ McDaddy now. Just watch the way he looks at her. It's so adorable. I want a baby. Alex, do you want a baby?"

Alex nearly choked on his champagne. "W-w-what? What did you say?"

Cristina snickered. "You heard her. She wants a baby, Evil Spawn."

"Not _now_," she insisted, "but someday. I think it would be nice, don't you?"

"Yeah… I mean… I guess so," he shifted nervously, avoiding all eye-contact. "I like kids. I work with them. They're okay."

"Aww… Evil Spawn has a heart and wants lots and lots of screaming, drool-bucket babies," Cristina cooed sarcastically.

"Shut up, Yang, or else I'll tell Burke that you want one now," he shot back.

Izzie and Meredith laughed at the now silent Cristina.

"Has Derek ever talked about having kids, Mer?" Izzie asked.

"This conversation is getting way too girly. I'm going to go get something to eat," Alex said, excusing himself.

Meredith thought for a few seconds. Derek had never talked about wanting children before. She had asked him once if things would have been different if he and Addison had children, but that was the most they had ever discussed the subject of kids. It had never occurred to her before that maybe he didn't want them. Addison seemed so excited about her pregnancy, so it couldn't have been that she didn't want kids. _It must have been Derek. Why would Derek not want kids? He would be such a perfect father. Unless… unless he can't have kids... Oh my god… _

"Earth to Meredith Grey," Cristina said, waving her hand in front of Meredith's face to get her attention.

"Sorry. I was just thinking," she started. "I'm actually pretty sure that Derek and I have never discussed children before, and when I think about it, that's kind of weird. I mean, he and Addison were married for more than a decade, and they never had kids. And now Addison is over the moon about her baby, so obviously, it had nothing to do with her not wanting kids. So it's either he didn't want kids or he can't have kids, and I can't see him not wanting to be a father…"

"So you think he's _sterile_?" Cristina questioned incredulously. "Mer, he can't be. Those kind of genes are meant to survive."

"Well, I don't know. What am I supposed to think?"

"That would be a pretty serious secret to be keeping from you," Izzie said, "but I can understand why he wouldn't want to talk about it."

"I wonder if… I wonder if that's why he was absent."

"What do you mean 'absent'?"

"He told me once that he was an absent husband in the latter years of his marriage, and he didn't elaborate on why. So I wonder if he felt so guilty for not being able to give Addison a baby that he distanced himself from her until she slept with Mark. That would sort of make sense, I think. It would also kind of explain why he got so angry when he found out Addison was pregnant by Mark."

"This is such a soap opera," Cristina rolled her eyes.

"But I think she could be onto something," Izzie said. "Meredith, I think you should find out."

Meredith thought for a moment and shook her head. "No. No way. You guys, this is ridiculous. It was a ridiculous thought on my part. Derek can have kids. They probably just got too caught up in their careers to actually have any. I mean think about it. To be as successful as they are at their age means that they have been working non-stop since they started. And working non-stop means becoming absent. There we go. Problem solved. Derek's swimmers can swim, and one day we are going to have perfect babies and live happily ever after. The end."

Before anyone could say anything else, Alex returned.

"Dude… I was over at the refreshments table by that cool little fountain of chocolate sauce when Sloan and Montgomery came up. It was fine at first, but _now_ look at them."

The four interns glanced over just in time to see Addison taking Mark's chocolate-covered index and middle fingers into her mouth. Their eyes locked as she slowly and suggestively licked and sucked the all chocolate off. When Addison finished and pulled back, she was giggling like crazy at the expression of shock on Mark's face.

"Oh my god," Izzie exclaimed in horror. "Seriously?"

_Seriously_ _hot_, Alex thought. _Maybe you could use some chocolate, Iz…_

"Ugh. Too much PDA. Ew," Cristina shuddered. "Please tell me that I did _not_ just see that."

Meredith cringed. "Oh, you just did. And apparently they've been at it like that for about four straight weeks. Why do I know that? He brags about it whenever I get assigned to him."

"They're taking a page out of you and Shepherd's book, Grey—sex at a formal hospital function. Maybe this time you can staple _her_ panties to the bulletin board," Alex joked as the four interns continued to observe the couple. "Yep. I'm calling it-- Sloan and Montgomery are going to get it on in about forty-five seconds."

Shortly after Alex finished his sentence, Mark was practically dragging Addison out of the room.

* * *

"This isn't going to work, babe," Addison laughed as she and Mark tried to fit themselves on an on-call room bed. 

"Yeah, it will. The spooning thing works," he insisted, shifting against her.

"But we need a little more room now," she reminded him. "And we tend to move… a lot."

"Trust me, just—"

"Ouch! You're on my hair."

"Okay, maybe we should have turned the lights on."

"You know what? Let's just go home and celebrate the New Year in our own bed."

"Addison, I can't wait th—"

"Please? This whole situation is just _not_ turning me on. At all."

Mark groaned. That finger-licking thing had set him off. The feel of her tongue on him anywhere always got him, and the fact that it had been unexpected made it have even more of an effect. He wasn't _mad_ that Addison didn't want to have sex right then… just disappointed. She was probably right anyway. The position they were in would make for some really awkward and physically uncomfortable sex.

"I'm sorry that I teased you," she said after a few tense moments of silence. "I thought it would be funny, but I didn't think about what it would do to you. It was inconsiderate, and I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I'll be sure you make it up to me when we get home."

"Of course."

"And really, in hindsight, it _was_ kind of funny," he acknowledged. "Just don't do something like that again unless we're within about 50 feet of a bed or other surface where we can go at it. Deal?"

"Deal," she replied.

"And let's just lay in here for a while. It's almost midnight, and I want to be able to hold my girls when it hits 2007. I don't want to be on the road."

"I love when you call us your girls," she smiled contently, cuddling more closely against him. "I don't know… just the way you say it makes me feel so loved and special. It makes everything seem perfect."

"As far as I'm concerned, everything _is_ perfect. Addison, I love you so much. I love you _both_ so much that sometimes the intensity of it all freaks me out. You taught me how to really love. You've given me stability. You're giving me a family. I was thinking earlier about how this is the first New Year's Eve _ever_ where I have actually had something to celebrate. This year, it wasn't about working or getting wasted in Times Square. It's been all about us. Things have changed so much this year, and next year is going to be one of the most amazing years of our lives, and that is really something to celebrate."

Addison turned her head to look at him. Her eyes had adjusted to the darkness enough that she could see Mark's face. His features were softened, and his eyes stared back at her lovingly, making his statement seem all the more perfect and genuine. She couldn't come up with words to describe how she felt, so she leaned toward him and kissed him lightly, feeling her cheeks flush at the tenderness with which he kissed her back.

"I love you," she whispered. "It's going to be a good year next year."

"Yeah."

* * *

- - - - - - - -

This chapter is saved on my hard drive as "Chapter 21 - Draft D - I hate this" because I was so frustrated with writing it. Haha. I wrote the scene with the interns probably about a month ago, so I had to write everything around that, which proved to be difficult. I also like to throw in some Addison background when I can, and that beginning part didn't come to me until a few days ago.

At this point in the story, all I want to do is write straight-up fluff because they're just too cute together, so I have to keep remembering to write in exactly how characters are growing personally. Derek has finally acknowledged that he is happy for Addison and Mark-- he may not completely like them again, especially Mark, but he's neutral enough now that he can at least be happy for them. On a related note, Shonda fucking stole my Mark-and-Derek-make-up-in-the-hallway straight out of my brain for last night's episode. I was so pissed because there's going to be a scene like that coming up eventually... although it has nothing to do with Addison being near-death or anything. But you'll see.

Here's the deal. This because all characters are nearing the end of their personal growth arc things or whatever, this story is going to have to be over. There's still at least five chapters left, and as long-winded as I am (as you can tell from these ridiculously long notes), it could end up at like ten. I mention this because I love these characters, and I'm sad that it's going to have to end. I also mention this because despite the happiness, there's still stuff to come.

Thanks so much for reading all of this and reviewing and being wonderful and everything. :)


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: **Grey's Anatomy and its characters belong to Shonda Rhimes/ABC.

**A/N:** After working on this for about a week, I got sick of reading it over and over again, so this final draft wasn't really proofread. Ignore any errors. haha

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

The third of February was Addison's birthday. She had asked Mark to not make a big deal about it, simply because she didn't like the idea of being one year away from forty, but by six-thirty that morning, he had already been awake for three hours preparing for the day. The first two and a half hours were spent putting the finishing touches on the baby's nursery, which was Addison's birthday present. The thirty minutes after that, Mark had spent making French toast.

He found Addison fast asleep curled up around a body pillow when he entered their bedroom carrying her breakfast. The plan had been to wake her, but she looked too peaceful. So instead, Mark quietly set everything down on his nightstand and carefully climbed into bed next to her. He fit himself up against her form, resting his chin on top of her head and draping an arm lovingly over her waist and stomach. She felt so warm and soft, and the slow, steady sound of her breathing was suddenly making him tired. Their daughter had other plans, though, and began to stir beneath Mark's hand. He lightly rubbed circles over the spot, as if to lull her back to sleep, but this only caused Addison to wake up, too. She sighed, turned over to face him, and gave a soft smile.

"Good morning, birthday girl," he whispered, leaning in to give her a long, drawn-out kiss. "Did you sleep well?"

"After you tired me out, I sure did," she smirked. "Wait… what's that smell? Is that…?"

"Cinnamon sugary French toast with strawberry cream cheese? It sure is," he said, sitting up and grabbing the plate off the nightstand. "Here you go."

Addison sat up and graciously accepted her breakfast. "I've been craving this," she said excitedly, balancing the plate on her stomach. "Mmm… I know it looks gross, but I swear to you that it's amazing. Here. Try it. Just one bite."

She held up the piece of toast to his mouth, and he hesitantly took a bite.

"I think I'll let you finish that yourself," he laughed before leaning over to talk to the baby. "You make your mommy eat some weird food, Peanut. At least she's through with the peanut butter stage, though, because I was beginning to be afraid that you were going to come out looking like a real peanut since she was eating so much of it."

"Because you know that the kinds of food you eat override genetics," Addison said sarcastically.

"Hey, you never know. It could be like when people feed babies too many carrots or whatever. They like… turn orangey," he told her. Then he paused to think for a moment. "Can we try that with her? Can we turn her orange?"

"Mark!" She laughed, playfully hitting his arm. "We are _not_ purposely inducing carotenodermia in our child."

"Maybe _you_ won't, but _I_ will," he teased before pulling her down across his lap to tickle her.

"Oh my god, stop, stop, stop," she giggled. "It scares her when I laugh this hard."

"She'll understand," he grinned, continuing his tickle attack with intermittent short kisses.

"I have to go to the bathroom!"

"No, you don't. You just want me to stop."

"My French toast—" She couldn't get her sentence out because she was laughing so hard. "My French toast is getting cold!"

Mark stopped. "Okay. You got me there. You win. No more tickling, and I won't turn the Peanut orange."

"That's it? I win?"

"You win only because I really want you to see the nursery, and you need to finish eating first," he told her. "So hurry."

"Okay," she agreed, taking a huge bite of her toast before continuing to talk with her mouth full. "I need a drink. What did you bring me?"

Mark reached over to grab the chocolate milk he brought up but then realized that something was missing. "Damn. I forgot a glass," he said as he began to climb off the bed.

"I don't care. Hand me the freaking carton! I'm thirsty!"

"Just when I didn't think it was possible to love you any more than I already do, you say something like that," he jokes, handing her the container. Seconds later, Addison had it opened and was gulping down the contents as Mark looked on, extremely amused. "Yep. I definitely love you more now that I've seen you chug chocolate milk straight from the carton. Oh, if the people at work could see you now…"

Several minutes later, Mark helped Addison out of bed and into the hallway.

"Eyes closed, Addie. No peeking," he told her, hand on the doorknob of the baby's room. As soon as she closed them, he opened the door and led her by the hand into the center of the room. "Okay. Are you ready, baby?"

Addison took a deep breath and nodded. "I think so. Do you have some tissues ready? I'm already starting to cry."

"You'll be okay, Add. Now open your eyes," he said, squeezing her hand. As soon as she did, she immediately started fanning her face with her hands in an attempt not to cry, and Mark laughed. "What do you think?"

"This is perfect," she nearly squeaked out as a couple tears made their way down her face. "I-it-it's just like the picture we saw."

The walls were striped with thick lines of pale sage green and creamy white. Running around the perimeter of the room halfway up the wall was a vintage pink floral wallpaper border framed by white wood trim. The furniture continued the vintage theme; each matching piece looked traditional and old-fashioned and was crème with an antique finish. There was a four-poster crib with a canopy over the top, a bassinette, a changing table, a rocking chair, a bookshelf, a dresser, and a little armoire. The canopy fabric, rocking chair cushion fabric, lampshade, curtains, and bedding set all matched the flowery wallpaper, tying everything together nicely.

"Nancy did the curtains, and I did everything else. The crib didn't come in until yesterday. I was so afraid it wasn't going to be here in time, but it showed up," he told her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and kissing her temple.

"This is beautiful," Addison said softly as she continued to study the room. "I can't believe there's going to be a baby in here soon. _Our_ baby."

"She's sleeping in that bassinette in our room for as long as she fits, though, because I don't want to miss a second."

"Yeah," she sighed, leaning back against him and closing her eyes.

"You tired, Add? Do you want to sit or lay down for a little before we go for your check-up?"

"How about we sit in the rocking chair together and read her a story? A quick story, though, because I don't want you to lose all the circulation in your legs," she laughed.

"I like that idea. We haven't read _The Very Hungry Caterpillar_ in a while. How about that?"

"Sounds good," she smiled, taking his hand and pulling him with her to the bookshelf. As soon as she picked up the book, Mark lifted her into his arms and carried her towards the rocking chair, causing her to giggle, "You are going to hurt yourself!"

"Oh well. It's worth it," he replied, sitting down in the chair with her across his lap. "There we go. Is she settled in?"

"She's just hanging out and relaxing now," she smiled, feeling gentle movements inside herself.

"Time to listen, Peanut," Mark told the baby as he tapped on Addison's stomach. "It's storytime."

Addison grinned and rested her head back against Mark's shoulder, completely content with everything. She had Mark and their daughter right there with her, and that was all she needed.

* * *

"Happy Birthday, Addie!" Nancy said as she entered the exam room where Addison and Mark were waiting. They had pushed back the twenty-eight week checkup a few days so Addison could see the baby on her birthday. "How are we doing this morning?"

"Just fine, thank you. No changes, no problems. And thank you for helping with the curtains in the baby's room. They look _perfect_," she told her happily.

"You are quite welcome. I had fun with it. It was nice to help with a girl's room after having three boys," Nancy laughed as she began to take Addison's blood pressure. "I really prefer flowers to dinosaurs, racecars, and soccer. I love my boys to death, but sometimes it's tough being the only girl in a family of five."

"Now you know how Derek felt with four sisters," Mark quipped.

"I'm sure you'll get plenty of experience babysitting this little one, though," Addison smiled, nodding toward her stomach. "We're going to need a night alone at some point, I'm sure."

"_A_ night alone? That's it?" Mark complained. "I'm going to die."

"Oh, poor you," Nancy said sarcastically as she began to apply the gel to Addison's abdomen. "Just wait until she's going through the stage that Jamie is going through now—he refuses to sleep in his own bed. He _has_ to sleep between James and me, so sex is out of the question. You'll have to resort to on-call rooms during the day, and that gets old after about the third time, trust me. It just stops being spontaneous and sexy."

"Shit," Mark mumbled.

"Yeah. Well… anyway," Nancy continued, clearing her throat to get the conversation away from her nonexistent sex life. "Let's see how Little Miss Montgomery-Sloan is doing this morning."

Nancy pressed the wand to Addison's belly and turned the screen toward them. They had been using the 4D ultrasound lately so Addison and Mark could see their daughter moving around in 3D. Although the picture wasn't very clear, it was a huge improvement over the average ultrasound. They could actually see their little girl's facial features, and just recently, they were even able to watch her eyes open.

"Look at that big yawn!" Addison cooed at the screen as she watched the baby open her mouth wide and then change positions in her sleep. "There we go. All nice and comfy inside Mommy."

"That's my girl," Mark grinned, kissing Addison's cheek several times over. "That's our Little Peanut."

"Oh god. I think I'm going to be sick," Nancy groaned, rolling her eyes at Mark. "Sometimes I miss Mark Sloan the jackass."

"Shut up, Nancy-Pants. You love me," he teased.

"But sometimes I miss the jackass."

"Uh-oh," Addison interrupted. "Someone's got hiccups."

Mark and Nancy stopped their bantering and looked up to see that the baby did, in fact, have a case of the hiccups. Every few seconds, she would jolt slightly. It was the first time they had seen it on ultrasound.

"What does that feel like, Addie?" Mark asked curiously after a couple minutes.

"I can't describe it… it's just… weird," she laughed. "But lately, whenever this happens, I end up with the hiccups a minute or two after she stops. Luckily, it's never happened when I've been in surgery, though, because that… would be bad."

Sure enough, five minutes later, Addison had the hiccups.

* * *

"So how was the ultrasound?" Meredith asked as she sat down next to Mark outside the NICU. He was waiting for Addison to check on a few patients before they left for the afternoon.

"Amazing. She's getting so big… I can't believe it. Just look," he said, showing her the pictures Nancy had printed for them. "See? Is she not the most perfect looking kid you have ever seen? She even looks cute as a lumpy 4D ultrasound."

Meredith smiled as she studied the pictures for a few moments. "You definitely have one very, _very_ adorable baby."

"She hiccups, too, apparently. We were watching her do it on the ultrasound, and it's so funny. The best part, though, is that about a minute after she finishes, Addie starts. It's hilarious."

"Are you going to ask her tonight?" Meredith asked as she handed him the pictures back.

"Well… I want to, yeah, but I think I'm just going to have to see how it goes. I'll kind of feel things out as we go, I guess."

"You sound pretty nervous."

"Terrified."

"Don't be. I can pretty much guarantee you that it won't be a flat-out 'no.' The worst that could happen is that she says she wants to wait a little longer. Besides, it's not like you're saying 'let's do this tomorrow,' you're just saying 'let's do this at some point whenever we decide we're ready.'"

"Yeah. But still… this is _me_ we're talking about. Since when do I do something like this?"

"Since never, but that's what makes it special. You've come a long way, McDaddy," she teased, playfully poking his shoulder.

He turns slightly red. "You interns are still calling me that?"

"Oh yeah. Get used to it. You are going to be McDaddy for a _long_ time," she told him right before her pager went off. She looked down and smirked. "Derek's paging me. I've got to go. We both need to relieve some stress, if you know what I mean."

"Oh god. Don't tell me those kinds of things," he cringed. "Have fun getting laid, Grey."

"Have fun getting engaged, McDaddy."

* * *

Around eleven that night, Addison and Mark sat together on a ferry. Mark had taken Addison to her favorite restaurant in Seattle, and afterwards, they took a relaxing walk through a park near the ferry dock. Now, they were on their way home. Addison sat on the bench sideways with her legs stretched out in front of her and Mark holding her close with his head resting against hers. They sat silently at first until Addison saw something that made her smile.

"Look at that," she said quietly, nodding in the direction of a young family sitting across the aisle and several seats down from them. The couple appeared to be in their early thirties, and their daughter looked to be around five or six. The woman had her head resting on the man's shoulder as she stroked her daughter's hair comfortingly, and the daughter was curled up asleep across her parents' laps.

He squeezed her hand in response and softly kissed her lips. "That's going to be us one day, Addie."

"Yeah," she sighed. "God. It's so perfect."

"I know," he agreed. "I still can't believe that I'm going to have a real family."

"Just eleven and a half more weeks," she smiled, patting her stomach. "Then we get to hold her, and she'll be all ours forever."

"I just hope I don't mess her up. I mean, you remember the last time I had to take care of a baby. It was the day after Thanksgiving when Jamie was a few months old, and Nancy left him with me and Derek while all of you guys went shopping. Addison, it took two of us to change his diaper. First, we flipped a coin because neither of us wanted to do it. Then Derek lost, so he changed it to two out of three. Then _I_ lost, and I had to do it. But I couldn't. So we decided to use salad tongs, surgical masks, and gloves, and even after all that, we _still_ ended up putting the new diaper on backwards. It was kind of a disaster."

"Oh come on. That was funny. Two grown men, two _world-class_ surgeons couldn't diaper a baby properly," Addison laughed. "The good thing, though, is that with babies, it's a blank slate. Our daughter isn't going to know if you mess something up or if you don't do something quite the right way. She's going to love you anyway because you're her daddy. Everything you do is going to amaze her. You are going to be her very own personal superhero."

Mark grinned. "I like that."

"I figured you would," Addison smiled, snuggling up to him for extra warmth. He readily pulled her closer and began to rub his hands up and down her arms to warm her up.

"Hey, Addie?" He said after a while.

"Mmhm?"

"Are you scared? Like… of giving birth? Because I think I would be scared."

"As long as you're there with me, I'll be fine. I won't be scared. I'll probably be screaming at you and telling you that I hate you and that we will never, ever have sex again," she smirked, "but I won't mean any of it. And you will forgive me once it's all over and you're holding our daughter while I'm passed out asleep from exhaustion."

"I think I'm going to need some Valium," he told her seriously. "Lots and _lots_ of Valium."

"I love how you're more nervous than I am."

"Better me than you, I guess. You're the one who's going to be doing all the work."

"I think it helps that I've seen so many births. I'm desensitized just enough so that I'll be able to get past any nervousness and focus more on the experience."

"You know, I never realized how amazing your job was until all of this happened. The whole OB/GYN thing just seemed… I don't know… too pink and squishy," he admitted, causing Addison to giggle. "Wait. That sounded wrong, didn't it? Shit… I didn't mean it like that."

"For once," she teased.

"_Anyway_," he continued, "what I'm trying to say is that I get it now. I get why you love what you do so much. It's pretty damn amazing. You save lives _and_ you bring lives into the world. And you're good at it. You are the _best_ at it."

"Thanks," she blushed.

"And I'm proud of you, Addie. Like this whole thing with the separation surgery… It's such a huge undertaking, but you are more than capable of handling it. You took it upon yourself to see this case through to the end. When you stood up there the other day at that conference and took control of everyone in that room, I had to restrain myself from grinning like an idiot because I was so proud of you. You are an incredible woman and an incredible doctor, and I just wanted to get up on my chair when you were talking and yell to everyone that you were all mine."

"Are you trying to make me cry?"

"I'm just trying to let you know how special you are. Sometimes you forget, and since it's your birthday, I figure it's a good time to remind you."

"I love you so much," she whispered tearfully.

"I love you more," he said teasingly in an attempt to keep her from crying.

"Not possible, Mark Joseph."

"Oh, I think it is, Addison Forbes."

"Nope. It's not."

"Either you let me win this one, or I'm declaring a tickle war in 5… 4… 3…"

"Okay! Fine! It's a tie! Does that work?"

"I guess so," he smirked as the ferry docked. "Shit… it's raining."

"That's Seattle for you," she sighed as Mark helped her stand up. "And of course, it's like 45 degrees out, so it's _cold_ rain."

"And we are going to have to run to the car through it," Mark groaned. "Actually. I have a better idea. You can stand under the overhang, and I'll run and drive up to get you. I don't want you to slip."

Addison smiled as they stepped off the ferry. "Okay. I like that idea. Especially since rain would ruin these shoes."

"Oh _no_! Not the _shoes_!" He gasped sarcastically as they continued walking. "Okay. Wait right here, and I'll be back in sixty seconds. Time me."

It took him eighty-seven, but she didn't mind.

"We are taking a nice, hot bath when we get home," Mark shivered, turning the heat up in the car.

"You look so cute when you're soggy," she told him as he merged onto the interstate.

"I'm also thinking sparkling grape juice and those cheddar cheese cubes you love so much for when we get back. We can bring those upstairs with us."

"Mmm… _cheese_. I like cheese."

"Yes, you do," he grinned, tapping her nose.

"Eyes on the road. These people are driving like idiots, and the rain's not letting up any."

"True. Good call. God, people are stupid," he complained as they saw one car go speeding past them, causing water to spray up in its wake. "It's not like they have anywhere to be either. It's 11:20 on a Saturday night. Where do they have to be that's so important?"

"Half of them have probably been drinking, too, and rain, driving, and alcohol really do _not_—"

Before Addison could finish her sentence, a car traveling the opposite direction flipped over the cement barrier and into the car in front of them. Mark slammed on the brakes, but they were unable to avoid an accident. Seconds later, another car merging onto the road hit them—right on Addison's side.

* * *

- - - - -

After chapters and chapters of fluff, you probably didn't see that one coming until towards the end. This has been planned since November because they need to face some sort of challenge in order to really cement their relationship. So it's going to be sad and angsty coming up. The good news, though, is that Chapter Twenty-Three has been written for the most part. I actually wrote it before this one because it came out so much easier. Twenty-Four is started, too. So reviews motivation to finish those, and you won't be stuck waiting two weeks in between chapters (School totally sucks). I should be able to update again by Saturday or Sunday (aka WAY sooner than I've been updating lately).

As always, thank you so much for continuing to read this even though it has turned into such a long story. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Review if you'd like. It would make me really happy. :)


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: **Grey's Anatomy and its characters belong to Shonda Rhimes/ABC.

**A/N: **I actually was serious when I said there would be an update by Saturday or Sunday.

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

It had happened so suddenly. She saw the first car coming. With the bright lights reflecting the rain and sound of squealing brakes, there was no way she could have missed it. She watched the two cars collide, watched glass shatter and metal bend metal. She felt the tug of her seatbelt as Mark tried to stop in time. She remembered bracing for impact and closing her eyes, not wanting to watch what she knew was about to happen. Then came the inevitable sound of a crash, followed by a searing pain. Just when she thought it was over, she felt the door behind her being smashed in.

"Oh god… Addison? Are you okay?"

She looked at him and shook her head in pain, biting her lip as tears escaped from her eyes. Her heart was racing, and her head was pounding. "C-call s-someone. I n-need to get to the hospital now," she choked out as she closed her eyes and tried to stay in control of her breathing. There was an intense stabbing pain in her stomach that she knew wasn't right, and the baby seemed to be in a state of panic.

Mark scrambled to pull his cell phone out of his pocket and then frantically dialed 9-1-1 with one hand while tightly gripping Addison's left hand with the other.

"My girlfriend and I were just involved in what looks like a four-car collision just after the Washington Avenue exit on the interstate. She's about twenty-eight and a half weeks pregnant so could you just— Okay. Right. We… uh… we're on the westbound side. Look, I don't have time to answer any more questions. I'm sorry. Can you just send someone out? I need to sit with her. I'm a doctor, so—Yes, she's hurt! I don't know exactly, but she—"

"Tell them I'm pretty sure that the sudden stop and impact caused a placental abruption."

"Tell the paramedics that she thinks the impact caused the placenta to tear from the uterine wall. How does she know?" He repeated the operator's question, rolling his eyes in frustration. "She's an OB/GYN and maternal-fetal medicine specialist—"

"And she's bleeding more than she thinks is considered normal right now, so could they please, for the love of _anything_, send someone now?" Addison pleaded hysterically as she hugged her stomach with her free arm.

"She said she's bleeding a lot. Yes, we're trying to stay calm. Okay. Okay, thank you," he said before closing his phone. She watched him take a deep breath, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose in an attempt to stay calm. "I'm coming over there."

Before she could say anything, Mark grabbed his umbrella and jumped out the door. She could hear him yelling something to one of the people in one of the other cars, but she couldn't tell what it was over the sound of the pouring rain.

_Deep breaths, Addison. Deep breaths_, she told herself. "Oh god oh god oh god," she sobbed as an even sharper pain tore through her body.

"Damnit. The door is stuck," she heard him curse through the closed window.

_Of course it is_, she thought sarcastically. How could this be happening to her? "Pull harder, honey. Please keep trying," she begged, watching his face contort in frustration as he tried to force the passenger side door open. After a few more tries, he was able to get it open. As soon as he did, he fell to his knees on the wet pavement beside her and pulled her to him.

"Oh, Addie," he whispered in her ear as he hugged her with all he had in him. She could sense the panic in his voice. "Baby, you're going to be okay. You're both going to be okay."

"Are you okay?" She asked worriedly. "Are you hurt?"

"I'll be okay as long as you're okay," he told her. He was pretty sure he had a few broken ribs, but at the moment, it didn't matter.

As he pulled away from her slightly to ease the pressure on his ribs, she desperately grabbed onto his shirt to keep him near, causing him to lose hold of the umbrella. Rain began to fall on them in sheets, and Addison buried her face in Mark's chest, sobbing and shivering. He had one hand holding the back of her head against him and the other linked with hers over the baby.

"Why is this happening to me?" She asked in a small, childlike voice.

"I don't know, baby. I don't know," he replied, on the verge of tears himself.

"It… it hurts, Mark. It hurts so badly."

"I know, Addie. I know. Just breathe. If it really is what you think it is, she needs oxygen right now, so take deep breaths for her, okay?" He coached her through several, deep in-and-out breaths as he ran his fingers through her hair comfortingly. "That's it. There we go. You're good. You're doing good."

"I'm c-cold," she choked out. Her face was pale, and her teeth were chattering.

"Do you think you're going into shock?" He asked, horrified. "Or are you just cold from the rain?"

"I d-don't kn-know," she whimpered. "Mark, we're not going to make it."

"Don't say that, Addison. You are both going to make it."

"I'm going to hemorrhage, and she's not going to be able to get oxygen," she sobbed hysterically, coughing and choking between words. She wondered if her mother had felt this way right before she died—entirely consumed by fear for herself and her child while being completely powerless to escape any of it. She thought it incredibly ironic that even after all her years of avoiding and worrying, she was still going to end up like her mother. "The paramedics aren't going to get here in time."

"Listen… I am not about to lose the two best things to ever happen to me. Neither of you are going to die, okay? You can't die. You just… you won't, okay?"

"If I don't make it and she does, tell her I loved her. Please tell her I loved her and that I tried so hard."

"No, Addison. You can't think like that."

"Just in case. Just… love her enough for both of us. Take my trust fund… take everything and quit work to raise her. Please, Mark. Promise me."

"Addie, I can't do this without you."

"Yes, you can. You will. You'll have help. Our friends will help," she assured him, tears still spilling out of her eyes and rain still pouring on both of them. "Just promise me."

"Okay. I promise," he whispered. Kissing her hair and allowing his lips to linger there for several seconds as he began to cry for the first time in thirty years. "I love you so much, you know that?"

"I know. I love you, too. Like no one else. And I mean that."

"Would you promise _me_ something?"

She nodded against his chest.

"Promise me that _when_ you both make it through this, you'll stay with me forever. Addison, I can't imagine the rest of my life with anyone other than you and our daughter. I want to ask you to be my fiancée. I know it's sudden, and we don't even have to _think_ about marriage any time soon… I just know that I want all three of us to be a family forever. You both have given me so much. I love you, and you are_ both_ going to make it, and we are going to be so ridiculously happy that it's going to scare everyone we know. So whether it's this year or fifty years from now, will you marry me, Addie Montgomery?"

Addison looked up at him hesitantly and noticed that he was holding a gorgeous, sparkling platinum diamond ring between his thumb and index finger. Any thought that maybe he was just asking her because he thought she was dying immediately left her mind; he had obviously been planning this.

"Yes," she said softly as she looked into his eyes. "Yes, I will."

"Thank you, thank you, _thank you_," Mark whispered to her as he let out the breath he had been holding before slipping the ring onto her finger. "You're going to be fine. I know it, okay?"

"Okay," she choked out, rubbing circles on her stomach. "She doesn't feel right in there. We need to keep her alert and calm. God, I wish I had a monitor to check her heart rate."

Mark leaned his head over her stomach and began to talk to their daughter. "Hi, Peanut," he said, wiping tears and rain from his face. "I need you to stay awake in there for me and Mommy, okay?"

"Mommy and Daddy love you, baby," Addison added, continuing to rub the spot where the baby had last kicked. "We love you so much, and I'm so, so sorry that this is happening to you. Please try to be a brave girl for us now. If you can hold on for a little longer, everything is going to be okay."

"Remember the Yankees, Peanut? You have to be okay so we can go to a game together. And Mommy wants to take you shopping in New York City, and you don't want to miss out on those things."

"So you need to fight, sweetie. I know you can do it."

Addison stopped when she heard the sound of an approaching ambulance. All she had to do now was make it to the hospital and then hopefully Nancy would be able to fix them.

"I'm going to pick you up now, Addie, and we're going to go. Are you ready?" Mark asked, placing one arm under her knees and the other behind her back.

Addison nodded, and he lifted her into his arms, carrying her out onto the rainy interstate towards the ambulance. She had lost a lot of blood. It was all over her skirt and the seat she had been sitting in and now all over Mark's arm. Neither of them had realized just how bad it was. Addison's head fell back against Mark's chest as she began to feel herself losing consciousness.

"I can't," she gasped.

"You can't what? We're almost there."

"Nevermind," she murmured, closing her eyes and letting everything go black for several minutes.

* * *

"Car crash victim. Thirty-nine year-old female. About twenty-eight weeks and four days pregnant. Maternal heart rate in the sixties and fetal heart rate in the nineties. Fetus is in distress. Suspected case of placental abruption. Amount of bloodloss is unknown." 

"Addison, honey? Can you hear me?" Nancy asked. "Squeeze my hand if you can hear me."

Addison slowly opened her eyes and looked up at Nancy. Everything looked fuzzy. She felt nausea and pain, and she was short of breath, even despite the oxygen mask over her face.

"Mark?" she rasped.

"I'm right here, Addie," he comforted, stroking her cheek.

She nodded, and a few tears slipped out.

"Addison, I'm taking you to do an ultrasound now, and then we'll figure out how to proceed from there once I get a better look," Nancy told her.

"Can I—" Mark started.

Nancy shook her head and whispered, "You can join us as soon as you page Karev and book an OR."

"What?" He asked in disbelief.

"The baby has to come out now, Mark. It's her only chance."

Never in his life had Mark Sloan been so terrified. Not even close. His fiancée lay motionless and pale on a gurney, and their daughter was going to be born eleven weeks premature. His pulse doubled, and he took off running toward the OR board.

"Where… where did he… go?" Addison breathed.

"He's going to get Karev," she told her. "Don't worry, honey. He'll be back soon."

Nancy got Addison into one of the trauma rooms and began an ultrasound faster than she ever had for a patient before. She already knew Addison's self-diagnosis was right, especially after seeing her. The ultrasound confirmed it for sure, though, and her heart broke for the couple she had considered to be her brother and sister for so long. After all they had been through and all they had become, they didn't deserve this.

"Addie, we need to take you into surgery," Nancy said as calmly as possibly as she wiped the gel off Addison's stomach. "It looks like it's a grade two, and you know there's no way to fix that without—"

"You have to take her out," she said knowingly, holding back tears again. Taking a deep breath, she continued. "Okay."

Nancy squeezed Addison's hand and pushed some hair behind her ear. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you guys. I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I'm keeping this one."

Alex burst through the door just seconds later. He couldn't believe what was happening. He had come to love his mentor like a family member, and it killed him to see her like this. He had been around her nearly every day throughout her entire pregnancy, and he knew how much she wanted this baby. His eyes looked down at Addison and then up to Nancy, who had a grim look on her face.

"OR's ready," he announced. "And Sloan's in there waiting for you, Montgomery."

A minute later, Addison was laying in the OR with Mark at her side while Nancy and Alex scrubbed in. She was cried out, and all that she had left in her was intense fear and uncertainty. Everything was happening so quickly. She had to live. She and her daughter just _had_ to live. Her face was still, and Mark looked down at her with his bravest face, running his fingers through her hair and softly telling her how much he loved her. One of the nurses brought him a chair, and he sat down in it next to her, resting his head next to hers and kissing her temple.

"I'm scared, Mark."

"I know, Addie. You're doing a great job at hanging in there, though."

Addison gave him a small smile in response.

"That's my girl," he said, stroking her cheek. "I love that smile."

"Okay, are we ready?" Nancy asked as she entered the OR followed by Alex and a resident. Everyone in the room confirmed that they were, and she walked over to talk to Addison. "We have to put you under anesthesia. I know you know that, but I need to tell you that anyway. There isn't time for an epidural to take effect so—"

"I know. Just get it over with."

Nancy nodded. "I'm going to get you through this, Addison. When you wake up, you are going to have a living, breathing baby girl."

As Nancy walked away, the anesthesiologist placed the mask over Addison's mouth and nose. She began to take deep breaths, trying not to think about the possibility of never waking up or of losing her little girl.

"Focus on good things, babe," Mark told her soothingly before he kissed her cheek. "Think about us being together and happy and playing with a little smiling baby who looks just like you. Think about how—" Before he could finish his sentence, she was asleep.

The anesthesiologist gave Nancy a thumbs-up, and she called for a ten-blade. As she made the first incision, Mark looked away. He couldn't stand to see Addison cut open like that. Alex noticed his discomfort and came over to talk to him.

"Look, it's a grade two. It's serious, but it could be worse. We won't know how bad it is until we get in there, but it doesn't look like she's going to bleed out or anything."

"What about the baby?"

"Her heart rate, blood pressure, and oxygen levels are low, but she's holding on."

"Okay."

"We're going to have to intubate her immediately, so you aren't going to be able to see her right away unless you want to stand right there with us when we pull her out. You probably don't want to watch intubation, though."

"Okay. You're probably right," he said, staring at Addison's closed eyes. As Alex turned to walk away, Mark stopped him. "Hey, Karev?"

"Yeah?"

"What are my daughter's odds? Well… I mean… do twenty-eight weekers tend to do well?"

"Kids as young as twenty-four weeks have survived at Seattle Grace. And in those cases, the mothers had problems throughout the pregnancy. This has been a mostly healthy pregnancy for Addison and the baby. She's going to be really small, and it's probably going to scare you at first, but if she can make it through the first forty-eight hours, her odds look good."

"Karev, I need you up here," Nancy called.

"Thanks, man," Mark said to him.

"No problem," Alex replied, leaving Mark sitting at the end of the table holding Addison's free hand. He looked at the ring on her finger and smiled. She had said yes. He kissed her hand and lay it beside her before resting his head next to hers again, and after what seemed like an eternity, Nancy was calling his name.

"Mark, if you want to see her before we take her to the NICU, you've got about ten seconds to get up here."

He kissed the side of Addison's mouth and ran his fingers through her hair one last time before standing up and hesitantly making his way past the drape just in time to see his daughter making her early entrance into the world.

Nancy held the tiny baby against her, suctioning out the little girl's nose and mouth before it was time to cut the umbilical cord. "Do you want to cut the cord, Daddy?" She asked him.

Mark mechanically took the scissors from Nancy and cut through the cord. Everything was an overwhelming blur. His daughter appeared to be at least somewhat responsive, but she clearly had low blood oxygen levels, as was evident by the color of her skin and tiny fingernails. He stepped back from the table as Nancy handed the baby off to Alex.

"Shouldn't she be crying?" Mark asked worriedly. "Why isn't she crying?"

"Her lungs are immature. Karev and the nurses are going to intubate and stabilize her and then take her up to the NICU," Nancy told him as she went to work on stopping Addison's bleeding. "Mark, you should leave for this. Go sit up in the waiting room or go wait for the baby up in the NICU. You shouldn't be here for this."

"The baby's bradycardic," Alex called to Nancy. "I need help!"

"You know what to do, Karev. You can pull her through this; you've done it before. I can't help you right now—I've got a bleeder," she yelled back before turning to Mark. "You need to go. _Now_. I can't work with you hovering. I'll page you when we're done."

Mark looked at her, dumbfounded.

"Mark. Go. Now. You can't help right now."

He nodded and went over to kiss Addison goodbye for the time being. Leaning over, he pressed a few loving kisses over her face and whispered, "Our daughter is beautiful. Hang in there, Addie. I love you, baby."

* * *

Some time later, Addison began to stir in her hospital bed. She was awake, but she felt so exhausted and sore that she didn't want to open her eyes. As soon as she remembered why she was feeling this way, though, her eyelids flew open and scanned the room for Mark. He wasn't there, but Alex was. 

"Hey. You're awake," he said softly.

"My baby," she whispered. "Is my baby okay?"

"It took us a while to stabilize her, but she's a fighter. Her body kept switching from in-utero breathing to air breathing, and her pulse and blood pressure were erratic for a time, and I don't have her exact numbers, but she's stable now. We've got her on a ventilator, and we've got her started with surfactant therapy. She's got umbilical arterial and venous lines running. Um… she's on a warming table for now to maintain her temp. We'll see about moving her to an isolette later. What else do you want to know? You know all the usual machines and monitors and stuff."

Addison nodded. "How big is she?"

"Two pounds, one ounce and fourteen and a half inches long."

She smiled. From her experience, it sounded like her little girl had a chance. "Okay."

"She's going to be okay, Montgomery. I know she is," Alex told her, giving her shoulder a supportive squeeze.

"Thank you, Alex."

"I'm glad I was on-call tonight so I could help. Can I get you anything?"

"Mark, if he's not too busy watching the baby. And Nancy," she replied.

"Coming right up," he smiled, walking toward the door. Just before he left, though, he turned around, "Congratulations, by the way—on the kid _and_ the engagement. I noticed the ring. I kind of had to, considering the rock is massive."

Addison blushed and grinned. "Thanks."

As soon as the door shut, Addison's smile immediately faded as everything that had occurred over the last few hours began to sink in. Nothing was right. Nothing was like it was supposed to be. It was February 4th, and her daughter should have been growing inside of her for another two and a half months. Her daughter wasn't supposed to be outside the comfort of her mother's body fighting for her life in the NICU. She wasn't supposed to be delivered by C-Section. Addison had wanted to play an active role in the birth of her child, and she had looked forward to witnessing the exact moment her little girl was born. She had looked forward to Mark being there with her and coaching her through it and telling her how much he loved her and how much of a good job she was doing, just like she had seen so many other men do with the mothers of their children. She had wanted that experience so badly, and now she would never have it. Now she was all alone in a hospital room, away from her tiny, helpless baby girl, unable to do anything for her. Running her fingers over her abdomen, she winced in pain and then began to cry for her daughter and for the two and a half months they would not have together.

* * *

- - - - - -

Oh drama. That's all I can really say. The next couple chapters are going to be taking place during this same day because some seriously important character development happens. You'll probably see that start to happen more next chapter. Addison and Mark are going to go through a tough time, and while it's usually Mark comforting Addison, you're going to see it go the other way around because in good relationships, mutual support is... well... good. And Addison is going to step up and be the strong one over the next couple chapters because she's finally gaining that confidence. And I've probably said too much about the stuff coming up. But... yeah.

As for when to expect the next update... probably not as soon as you got this one, even though I _have_ started it already. I've got three exams next week, and considering I never do any work for two of those classes, I'm sort of screwed for the time being. So studying is going to be my priority. But chances are, I'll want to do some major procrastination. So we'll see.

Thanks for reading and reviewing, you guys!


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: **Grey's Anatomy and its characters belong to Shonda Rhimes/ABC.

**A/N:** Okay. So a lot has changed in the last few chapters. Catch up if you need to. This chapter is pretty long. It also might be a little ramble-y and disjointed because I wrote it during exam week and finished it at 4:30 in the morning. Hopefully it's still tolerable.

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

Derek woke at three-thirty on the morning of February fourth when he felt Meredith leaving his arms and rolling out of bed. At first, he just turned over with his eyes still closed, intending to fall back to sleep, but after about thirty seconds, Meredith was prodding him awake with his phone in her hand.

"Huh? What?" He asked, confused, as he took out his snore-blocking earplugs. After blinking a few times, he realized that the expression on her face meant that something was wrong.

"It's your sister," Meredith told him in a serious tone. "Addison had the baby."

"Oh god," he whispered in shock, taking the phone from his girlfriend and sitting up in bed. He knew Addison wasn't due until nearly May. "Nancy? Are they okay? What happened?"

"They're going to be okay, Derek, but there was an accident, and it was raining, and Mark was driving, and he said there were three other cars, and two people were driving drunk, and it was on the interstate so people were driving fast and—"

"Whoa, wait, slow down," he told her. His sister was clearly very upset at whatever had happened, but she was talking too quickly for him to really understand what she was saying. "Take a deep breath and start over because you aren't making sense."

"Forgive me for not being calmer, Derek, but I just finished saving the lives of two people who are very important to me, and I am a little stressed out right now, okay?" She snapped. Though she sounded angry, it also sounded as if she had been crying. "Look, there was an accident, and I had to take Addie in for an emergency C-section. She lost a lot of blood from a placental abruption, and it took us a while to fully stabilize the baby, and even though everything has been under control for almost an hour, I can't calm down. And Mark is a wreck. He's devastated. I know you guys aren't on the best terms, but he needs someone right now because nothing I say is making him feel any better."

Derek ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes while Meredith kept a comforting hand on his knee. "I'm coming down there as soon as I get dressed, okay? You can tell me about everything when I get there, but until I do, why don't you call Mom?"

They said their goodbyes, and Derek shut his phone. He sat still for a moment, not believing what was happening. This was his _family_. Nancy would have been under unbelievable amounts of stress, and as much as she liked to play the role of the mature older sister, Derek knew that he needed to step up and be the protective brother. As for Addison and Mark, everything that had happened between the three of them suddenly didn't matter anymore.

* * *

The Seattle night sky was still pouring rain as Addison lay in her hospital bed, the sound of it a constant reminder of the trauma she had experienced hours earlier. It was starting to make her feel like she was going crazy. The rain, the dim lighting, the strange room, the lightheadedness from the medications—it all felt like an odd dream. The worst part of it, though, was that she was alone, truly alone, for the first time in twenty-eight weeks. She had never felt so isolated in all her life, and it was a terrifying feeling. At the same time, though, Addison didn't think she could handle having anyone around her at that moment. The only good option seemed to be sleep. She would forget about waiting for Nancy or Mark, forget about the fact that she was alone, and she would just fall back to sleep. 

She couldn't seem to sleep, though, and time felt like it was going by more slowly than ever. Her thoughts drifted to her daughter in the NICU. Given her profession, it wasn't difficult at all for Addison to imagine exactly what her baby girl was dealing with at that moment. She knew the names of every monitor, machine, tube, and wire. She knew what the function of each of them was. It was just upsetting to think that her own child was facing that without her mother there to comfort her. Addison wanted so badly to be able to walk out of that room and straight into the NICU. She needed to see that her little girl really was alive and okay. She wanted to be there holding her tiny little hand and letting her know that she was still right there with her. Addison knew she had at least another day of recovery, though, and that was frustrating.

Eventually, the door to her room creaked open, and Nancy stepped inside. Or at least the footsteps sounded like Nancy's. Her eyes were still closed, and she wasn't sure she was ready to open them and talk. Talking took too much energy

"Are you awake there, Addie?"

She nodded, but her eyes remained closed.

"Honey, the baby's stable. She's asleep right now, and everything is going to be okay," Nancy told her reassuringly. When Addison didn't respond, Nancy walked over and sat down on the bed. "Addie, I know this is hard for you, but she really is doing well despite the circumstances. I promise." Still no response. "You aren't blaming yourself for this, are you?"

"No," she said softly.

"Because you know this wasn't your fault. You know you couldn't have stopped what happened."

"I know. I also know that she's suffering right now, and I'm supposed to be protecting her from that. She's just this tiny little thing, and I can't help her, and that's upsetting. It's really upsetting," Addison told her, pausing to take a breath in order to hold back tears. "Nancy, she's my little girl... She's my baby. She doesn't deserve this."

"I know, honey. I know," Nancy comforted, hugging Addison against her. "But she's going to be okay. You're both going to be okay. You had no complications, so you will get to go see her in a day or two. In the meantime, we are taking good care of her. Karev's even going to go down to Peds in the morning to find _The Very Hungry Caterpillar_ for her."

Addison smiled at her intern's thoughtfulness. "She'll like that."

"We figured as much since we hear you reciting the thing word-for-word from memory to her all the time," she teased. "But really, Addie... everything is going to be okay. She might be small and have a few of the usual problems, but everything else about her is perfect."

"Really?"

"Ten fingers, ten toes, _and_ she's adorable. I mean, we both know that not all kids are that attractive at birth, but she is _definitely_ her parents' daughter. It also looks like she is going to have _someone's_ red hair," Nancy grinned, ruffling Addison's hair.

Addison giggled. "I am going to have my hands full, aren't I?"

Nancy nodded. "Oh yeah. And you better hope that she didn't inherit Mark's childhood personality. If her first smile looks like that smirk of his, you are in _big_ trouble."

"Oh god," Addison groaned. But after she thought about what Nancy had said for a few moments, she found herself feeling considerably better than she had been at the thought of her daughter's first smile.

"What's with the face?" Nancy asked, noticing Addison's change in expression.

"I just feel better now, knowing that she's still going to have her first smile, that she's going to have a personality," she replied. "I kind of forgot about all the good things for a while."

"Just keep thinking about the good things, Addie, and you'll get to see her in no time."

"Thank you, Nancy. For everything. I don't think I can say that enough."

"Don't worry about it. You are my sister, Addison. I wasn't about to let anything happen to my sister," she told her sincerely as she climbed off the bed and helped Addison settle back under the blankets. "Now get some rest. Maybe when you wake up, we'll have pictures for you."

"Mm pictures," Addison smiled sleepily. "I would like that."

"Okay then. I'm going to go back to tend to your daughter."

"Tell her that I love her and that I'll be there soon."

"Of course, honey."

And with that, Nancy left, leaving Addison alone in the room to sleep. This time, though, rest came easily. She knew her daughter was in good hands and that she was going to be fine. They would have their ups and downs with her in the NICU over the next several weeks, but ultimately, Addison knew her daughter would eventually be okay. She and Mark would take her home probably sometime in April, and they would be a family.

* * *

While Nancy was with Addison, Mark was sitting in the darkened empty hallway outside his daughter's room with his knees pulled up to his chest. The door was shut, but he could still hear the whirring and beeping of the machines that were keeping his baby girl alive. He could be sitting inside with her now, but he didn't want to be in there if anything happened. He didn't think he could hold himself together through that. She had already given everyone a scare shortly after Alex and the nurses got her settled into the NICU. He had been there for that, and it was too much. Ever since that incident over an hour ago, Mark had been sitting in the hallway in the same position, unable to make himself move. 

As he sat there, his mind raced. Everything had happened so quickly. None of it seemed real. Recalling the accident, he had no idea how he had been able to remain so composed throughout the whole thing. He guessed that it was adrenaline. Now that the adrenaline rush was over, though, and things had begun to sink in, he didn't know how he was going to pull himself together. Addison was awake now, and he would have to comfort her soon. But how could he comfort her if he couldn't find a way to comfort himself? He needed someone who could understand, someone to tell him that it was going to be okay, but he knew no one could do either of those things for him.

He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, resting his forehead on his knees. He had never felt so completely powerless in all his life as he sat in that hallway curled up in a ball. He was always in control of whatever situation he was in, and he _never_ had trouble keeping his emotions in check because until recently, he didn't have emotions. But earlier that night, he had cried for the first time since he was nine years old, and now he could just _feel _his tear ducts preparing for another round.

Mark was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't hear the footsteps of the man he had once called his best friend approaching, but as soon as Derek sat beside him, he didn't even have to look up to know who it was. He was surprised by Derek's sudden appearance, but he didn't say anything because the two of them really only tolerated each other for Addison's sake. They weren't on good terms. But after a while, Derek placed a comforting hand on Mark's shoulder, wordlessly letting him know that everything that happened in the past no longer mattered.

"I can't do this," Mark admitted quietly, staring down at his scrub pants. "What am I going to do if she doesn't make it?"

"I don't know," Derek replied sympathetically. "I really don't know. What did Nancy tell you?"

"She said that she's going to be okay. That she's going to have good days and bad days, but that we'll get to take her home sometime around what her due date was."

"Oh," Derek said, surprised. "That's good then. So she'll be okay."

"I don't know, Derek. I just feel like maybe she's just telling me that to make me feel better because when I saw her in there, she looked so little and sick. There's a tube down her throat and all this _stuff_ covering her. I don't understand how she could possibly be okay." He paused for several seconds. "I just can't believe it. I can't believe that's my kid in there hooked up to all those machines. My _kid_. I would do _anything_ to trade places with her. _Anything_. And I hate myself for not being able to suck it up enough to even _sit_ in there with her. I'm too scared, Derek. She changed my life. She made my life worth living. I owe her so much, and I'm so afraid that I won't get a chance to show her how much she means to me. I was going to take her to see the Yankees, and I was going to buy her everything she wanted and let her stay up late and eat ice cream for breakfast. But now when she needs me most, I can't even look at her. What kind of man does that? Abandons his kid when she's this sick?"

"Mark, you are doing the best you can right now. You couldn't have prepared yourself for this. You aren't abandoning her. You are still here right outside her room, and you love her. Everyone who knows you knows you love your daughter more than anything. It's okay to be afraid. There's no reason to be upset at yourself for it. You're in a tough spot, and I would probably be reacting the same way," Derek told him. "Just know that there are a lot of people who are going to be here for you guys throughout all of this. We are going to watch out for the three of you and do whatever we can, okay? You are going to get through this. And if Nancy says she's going to be okay, she's going to be okay."

Mark looked up at his childhood friend of more than thirty years, "Thanks, man."

"Don't mention it."

* * *

Alex sat in Baby Girl Montgomery-Sloan's NICU room, keeping watch over her as she slept. He never thought he could feel so much for someone else's child, but this little girl had completely won him over before she was even a minute old. After all that Addison had done for him, Alex was more than proud of having been the one to pull her daughter through those first difficult moments of life. He felt a special responsibility for the child before him, and he didn't want to leave her until she was ready to go home with her parents. 

After a while, the tiny baby began to squirm uncomfortably in her sleep. Her feet kicked slightly, searching for something to press against. Her arms tried to move upwards, but they were too weak. Her forehead wrinkled in frustration. Alex's heart broke for her—she didn't know where she was. She was used to having something to press back on her feet and keep her arms up against her body. She repeated her motions again, but this time, Alex held one hand out for her feet to press against and used the other to fold her little arms over her chest and then cup her head. _Positive resistance_, he remembered Addison telling him once. _It helps them feel like they're still inside their mother._ Alex smiled as he watched the little girl's body relax.

"Hey there, kid," Alex said quietly, hoping his voice would help calm her. "My name is Alex. I don't know what your name is yet, but I know your dad calls you 'Peanut.' So I'm going to call you that, if you don't mind. I'm sure you won't. You're all alone in here, and you're scared, so I doubt you mind company. I'm sorry this had to happen to you. One minute you're all warm and comfortable and happy inside your mom, and the next, there's lots of sound and bright lights and weird things poking at you. I'm sure that scared you pretty bad. I was scared, too, Peanut. I'm not supposed to get attached to my patients, but you're different. I'm attached. I've been attached to you for a while. A lot of people around here are attached to you, actually. You're already very special. That's why you need to keep fighting like you have been. There are _so_ many people who love you. I mean… what's not to love? You've got perfect little fingers and toes and tiny little ears and eyes. _And_ you have fuzzy hair. Let me tell you, _everyone_ loves fuzzy baby hair. Even dudes like me who like to pretend that we're all big and tough—the fuzzy hair is a weakness."

Alex laughed at himself. He knew his touch and voice were helping her, but he still felt a silly talking to someone who couldn't talk back.

"I'm not sure what to talk to you about. I'm still kind of new at this job, you know, but your mom has been teaching me. She's a really good teacher. She's one of the best people in the whole wide world at what she does. And she loves you a lot. For a while, she was having a tough time with some things, but you helped make her happy again. Now she smiles all the time. She's a really cool person. She's very smart and funny and pretty. I bet you will be too. You just need to hang in there for her. And your dad. Your dad loves you too. You changed him. Who he was before you doesn't matter because he's a really good guy now. He takes good care of your mom, and all he does now is talk about you and her. I think it's cool that he loves you both so much. If my girlfriend and I ever have kids together, I hope I can be the kind of guy he is.

"Here's the thing, though, kid. It's probably just going to be you, me, and your Aunt Nancy for a couple days. Your mom got kind of hurt earlier, so we need to watch her just like we're watching you, just in case anything bad might happen. That means that she can't come see you right away. I know you miss her, but I promise that your Aunt Nancy and I will hang out with you all the time until your mom can. It might be two days, it might be more, but knowing your mom, I'm going to guess that she's going to sneak past your Aunt Nancy and the nurses to come see you before she's really supposed to. She likes to pretend she follows the rules, but she bends them just like the rest of us. Don't let her fool you. As for your dad, like I said, he loves you, but right now, he's really shaken up. I mean… the two most important people in his life are in the hospital, and he did a lot to save both of you. He had a rough night, and he just needs some time to process everything. Once he does, he'll be in here with you. He's just not ready to see his perfect little girl dealing with so much bad stuff. He's also not used to seeing kids as small as you every day like some of us are, so he probably doesn't realize that you are a lot tougher than you look. So don't take it personally, even though I'm sure you won't because you have no idea what I'm saying right now. I'm just talking all this out to make myself feel better. I hope having someone here is helping you, though, because I like you, Peanut, and I don't want you to be scared. So I'm just going to sit here and keep holding onto you, and we'll get through this together. You and me. We're buds."

Moments later, Nancy stepped back into the room.

"How's she doing, Karev? Any change?"

"Her pulse is stronger, not nearly as erratic as it was a couple hours ago."

"Good," she responded as her eyes scanned the baby and the monitors for any sign of a problem. "She looks good."

"Yeah. We were just hanging out in here," he told her. "How's Montgomery? Is she still okay?"

"She's doing very well, actually. She wasn't at first, but after I talked to her for a little and convinced her that the baby was going to be okay, she was fine. She's anxious to see pictures. Did you get those done? I'm going to send Mark over with them once Derek can get him to move."

"Yeah. They're inside her chart. Maybe you could send him with a copy of that, too," Alex suggested. "Then maybe with the pictures and full medical explanation, Montgomery can convince him that all of this isn't as bad as it looks."

An hour later, just as the sun was coming up, Nancy was handing Mark a folded copy of his daughter's chart with pictures inside.

* * *

The feeling of Mark gently running his fingers through her hair slowly awakened Addison from her deep sleep. She felt him get into bed next to her and kiss her forehead. She was so thankful to have him with her again after everything they had been through. She was so happy to be alive and to be engaged to him and to be the mother of his child. He had been so brave for her the night before, and she loved him more than she could say. 

"God, Addison. I love you so much," he whispered with his voice shaking slightly.

She opened her eyes to look at him, and the tears in his eyes caused tears to form in her own. He pulled her against him as carefully as possible, so as not to hurt her, and they both began to cry. For Addison, they were tears of relief. For Mark, it was a mixture of fear for his daughter and relief that Addison was fine. They held onto each other as if their lives depended on it, neither wanting to let go.

"I'm scared, Addie," Mark confessed after a few minutes. "I'm so scared for her. She's so small, and there are all these things hooked up to her, and I'm just so scared. Nancy says it's all normal, but I just don't see how it could be normal. Addie, please, _please_ tell me that she's going to be okay. You are the only person I'll believe."

Mark helped her sit up with him, and he reached over to grab the pictures and copy of the chart. For the first time in their relationship, Addison found herself needing to comfort Mark. She needed to be the strong one this time. As she curiously took the folded paper from him, a thin stack of photographs fell out onto her lap. She looked at the first one, and instantly, she fell in love.

"Oh my god, honey," she whispered through tears. "She's perfect. Oh god, she's so perfect. And her color… her color is so much better than I expected. She doesn't look like she was affected by the accident at all."

She squinted at Nancy's writing on the chart, just to make sure that her daughter really was doing as well as she looked.

"What does it say?" Mark asked nervously.

"There's absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. Patent Ductus Arteriosis… Respiratory Distress Syndrome… Those can be fixed. Those things are normal for a baby her age. Nancy already has her on an indomethacin drug treatment for her heart, and they're getting her lungs up to speed with surfactant therapy. They'll probably have to put her under the bili lights for her liver, too, but once all that is fixed, she just has to lay in there and grow while we keep anything from negatively affecting her immune system. She'll have some bad days every now and then, and it won't always be easy, but she'll be fine. Whatever comes up along the way, we can fix it."

"When can she get off the ventilator?"

"Tomorrow, maybe? That's if she's doing well, but it shouldn't take more than a couple days, and they'll put her on a CPAP for a while."

"That big tube in her mouth is just really hard to look at."

"I know it is, but it won't be there for long."

"Okay," he said softly.

"So did I make you feel better?" She asked, lifting his chin up so his eyes were even with hers.

"Yeah. Yeah, you did," he offered a small smile before wrapping his arms around her. "Thank you, Addie."

"I love you," she whispered in his ear before pulling away to look at the pictures in her lap. "Now let me get a better look at what we made. I haven't gotten to see her yet like you have, and I'm going to need a good look so we can pick a good name."

* * *

- - - - - - -

So Addison found herself doing the comforting this time around, and during their daughter's stay in the NICU, she's going to be doing that more often. Mark is still going to have trouble dealing with everything. Addison gets to meet her daughter for the first time next chapter, and she and Mark are finally going to have a name for her. As for everyone else, you'll see their reactions to everything that happened. And that's all I can think of right now. I'm hopinghopinghoping that this isn't getting too boring. I realize this has gotten to be a really long story, so thanks for sticking with me. :)


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: **Grey's Anatomy and its characters belong to Shonda Rhimes/ABC.

**A/N: **Really, really long. Hopefully it makes up for the two week wait :)

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

"I'm ready to go. I feel fine. You don't need to check me. I'm good. Just let me go see her," Addison told Nancy two mornings after the birth of her daughter. She was beyond anxious and had barely slept the night before.

"Good morning to you, too, Addie," Nancy teased as she strode toward her. "Now don't move. You aren't going anywhere until Karev comes back with the results of your labs. If everything checks out, you can go see her _after_ you eat something because I know you aren't going to want to leave her for a second once you get in there."

Addison groaned as Nancy began to examine her. "Fine. Mark went to go get me one of those huge chocolate muffins anyway."

"And Mark is back," he announced as he walked into the room carrying Addison's breakfast. "Goooood morning, Nancy."

Nancy's face took on a confused expression. "You certainly are in a good mood today."

"Why not? I have my beautiful fiancée right here," he kissed Addison's cheek, causing her to blush, "and I have my beautiful daughter doing well in the hallway over. It has also finally stopped raining in this damn city, _and_ I only have one surgery today," he said as he sat down on Addison's bed and pulled her against him. "Life is good, Nancy-Pants. Life is good."

"Good to know, Loser," she smiled. "Now, Addie, do you promise that you feel okay? Because the incision looks like it's healing nicely, and your temp and BP are normal."

"I'm great. I swear," Addison insisted. "No severe pain or cramping, no strange pressure anywhere, no dizziness, no nausea, no shortness of breath, no nothing. Nothing abnormal. I'm fine. Fine, fine, fine."

"Okay, okay, okay," Nancy laughed. "I just had to be sure. You know that. All I need now are your labs, and you're good to go."

Addison looked up at Mark and grinned. "I'm good to go."

"You are," he agreed, leaning down to kiss her. "You finally get to meet our perfect little baby girl."

"How is she this morning?" Addison asked, looking hopefully at Nancy. "Any closer to getting off the vent?"

"Well there's good news and bad news," Nancy told them. "The good news is that yes, she _is_ off the vent. I switched her to the CPAP a little over an hour ago, and she's breathing fine on her own with it. Her lungs are actually progressing very well. Better than I expected."

"But the bad news?" Mark asked nervously.

"Her DA still isn't closed," Nancy responded regretfully, unsure of what else to say. "So…"

Addison bit her lip. She knew that was a possibility but had still hoped otherwise. "Okay."

"Can't you give her more of that stuff to help close it?" Mark asked.

"We can only give her very small amounts of indomethacin every twelve hours or else it will compromise other organ systems. I did give her another dosage this morning, but if it doesn't look any better by day five, we're going to have to start thinking about going in to surgically close it."

Addison squeezed Mark's hand; she knew he was going to panic.

"Surgery?!" He exclaimed, jolting forward as Addison tried to keep him sitting behind her. "She's not even three days old! She's not even supposed to be here yet as it is!"

"Look, I know it sounds scary, but it's a routine procedure, and we probably won't even—"

"It's heart surgery, Nancy!" He nearly knocked Addison out of the bed as he stood up and began to pace, nervously running a hand through his hair. "You're talking _heart surgery_ on my daughter. My eleven weeks premature, barely two-pound daughter. _Surgery_."

Nancy opened her mouth as if to say something but then looked down at Addison for help.

"Honey, we have a few days before we even need to consider it, and if she needs it, Preston is the best. He and Nancy will do it, and she will be better off than she is now once it's over," Addison assured him. "They can stop giving her dopamine for her blood pressure, she will be able to breathe more easily, she will be at a _considerably_ smaller risk for intracranial hemorrhage—"

Mark shook his head in disbelief. "How can you both just talk about this like it's no big deal? Addison, now you're talking about possible _bleeding_ in our daughter's _brain_ like it's just some simple thing!"

"It's not a simple thing!" She snapped. "It _is_ a big deal! For god's sake, Mark! I'm scared out of my mind, too! These last couple days have been no picnic for me, but because I know more about what she's going through than you do, I'm _trying _to be the calm one, okay? So quit jumping down my throat. Same with Nancy. She's trying to help. She is looking out for our daughter. You aren't the only one who is afraid, and you sure as hell aren't the only one who cares!"

Just as Addison finished, Alex appeared in the doorway.

"Um… Obviously, this is a bad time. I… um… sorry," he said awkwardly. "Uh… Montgomery, your labs are clear, so… I'm just… going to go. Yeah…"

Alex handed Addison's results to Nancy and quickly left.

"I think I'm going to go for a little while, too," Mark mumbled after several tense seconds of silence. "At least until I figure some things out."

As he started out the door, Nancy grabbed his arm and whispered sternly, "You aren't going anywhere. This is going to be one of the most memorable and emotional days of her life, and you need to support her through it no matter what you are feeling right now towards her or the situation. I am _not_ going to let you ruin this day for yourself or for Addie because you will regret it. You have come too far to screw this up. I will leave. You will stay. You will both apologize to each other. You will make sure she eats something, and I expect to have you _both_ in your daughter's room within the hour."

Before Mark could even begin to argue, Nancy stepped past him into the hallway, pushed him back into the room, and shut the door behind her, leaving him alone with Addison. Neither knew what to say to the other; they were both hurting. Mark stared out the window, leaning against the door with his arms crossed over his chest. Addison lay curled up on her side with a hand over her stomach and her eyes closed.

"I'm not used to being afraid," Mark said after a while.

"I'm afraid, too, Mark. I'm not used to being the mother of a patient," she told him. "I _am_ used to being a doctor, though, so all I can do to make myself feel better is to _think _like a doctor. So if I sound cold and uncaring, that's the doctor in me trying desperately to make sense of things for the mother in me. I'm sorry."

"I shouldn't have yelled." His tone wasn't particularly remorseful, but he walked over and sat at the foot of her bed anyway.

"You can't help it. Do you think you're the first father to freak out on me over something like this? Because you aren't."

"I should be able to handle this better, though. I mean… I'm a doctor. I'm a surgeon."

"But you are also a father, and as her father, you have every right and reason to worry."

"But this is beyond worrying, Addison," he told her, frustrated. "I'm having trouble actually keeping myself together and not just… I don't even know. I don't know what to do. Everything is so out of my control, and I can't deal with it. I want to fix her, but there's _nothing_ I can do. I'm sorry I'm overreacting. I'm only making things worse. I should be able to hold myself together for both of us—for all _three_ of us now—but I can't. I'm not."

"Mark, you don't need to keep yourself together around me," Addison murmured softly as she sat up and took notice of his distant stare out the window and his slumped posture. "That's just it. You don't need to act like the tough guy all the time because it's not up to _just_ you to hold us together. That's how relationships work—we take care of each other. It's mutual. It isn't supposed to be all on you. You did an amazing job getting me through this pregnancy, and now it's my turn to help you. It's okay to be afraid and to be vulnerable around me because I love you. I love you, and I love our daughter, and as a family, we will all get through this."

Addison watched Mark close his eyes as he exhaled and nodded slowly. She crawled over and sat behind him, resting her cheek on the back of his shoulder. His body tensed at the contact but soon relaxed when Addison reached around and offered him her hand. He took it, and they sat together quietly for few minutes.

"Listen, this is only her third day of life. There's still time. The course of treatment they have her on has a _very_ high success rate for babies her age. The vast majority end up not needing the surgery, and most of those who do have some other condition that she doesn't have. She has all of today, tomorrow, and the day after that to make progress, and I really think that once she has both of us sitting in there with her regularly, she will get better. It may seem hard to believe, but a familiar presence and voice can do so much for a preterm infant's physiology. I know you feel like there's nothing you can do for her, but I promise that just holding her hand and talking helps."

"I just love her so much, Addie. I don't want her to need surgery. I don't want her to be in pain."

"I know," she said, comfortingly rubbing his back with her free hand. "But I don't think we're going to have to worry about that."

"And I know that now, but… I just didn't expect to hear that this morning. You all keep telling me, 'Oh, yeah. She's doing great,' and then suddenly Nancy goes and starts talking about heart surgery without mentioning the minor detail that she probably won't need it. So that's why I freaked out," he explained before turning to take her into his arms. "And I'm really sorry, Addie. This is supposed to be a special day for us, and I screwed it up."

"Honey, it's fine. I promise. I wasn't very nice to you either," she admitted, hugging him as tightly as she could without causing any pain at her incision. "Let's just pretend like none of it even happened, okay?"

"Okay."

"And we will do the whole kiss-and-make-up thing," she smirked and pulled away to see his reaction.

"God, I love you, Addison," he grinned, taking her face in his hands and kissing her soundly on the mouth. "How was that?"

"I suppose it will have to do for now," she sighed sarcastically. "Now hand me that muffin, stat. I need to eat in a hurry; we have a very important patient to see."

Fifteen minutes later, Mark was helping Addison into a wheelchair. Her life was about to change in ways she knew she couldn't even begin to comprehend, and that feeling was overwhelming and surreal, a mixture of excitement, nervousness, and happiness. After everything that had happened, it was finally time for her to meet her daughter.

"You ready?" Mark asked, staring down at Addison, who gave him a soft smile and pulled him down for a tender kiss.

"Yeah."

As Mark pushed her down the hall, Addison felt tears beginning to form in her eyes and a tightness developing in her throat. She had never been so overcome by emotion in her life, and with each step Mark took, the feeling intensified. Eventually, she could see Alex through the window of her daughter's room, and then at last they stopped at the door. Mark knocked and pushed the door open, wheeling Addison inside.

"We're here," he announced in a sing-song voice.

Alex looked up from his chair by the incubator. In the two days since the little girl's birth, he had hardly left her side despite the fact that her case wasn't surgical. "She's all yours, Montgomery," he told her happily, getting up from his seat and walking toward them. "I'll be back in a half hour to check on you guys. Congratulations," he said, giving Addison a light squeeze on the shoulder.

She smiled appreciatively, her eyes teary, "Thanks, Karev. Really."

He gave her his trademark half-smile in response and then left the new little family of three to themselves.

"Okay. That's it, Mark. I'm going to cry," Addison choked out seconds later as tears began to spill down her cheeks.

"That's okay, baby. Just close your eyes," he told her gently. "Take a deep breath, and when you open them again, you'll be right in front of her, okay?"

She nodded and closed her eyes, inhaling deeply as he pushed her over to the incubator and then sat down in the chair beside her. He grasped her hand tightly, and whispered, "Open your eyes, and say hello to our baby girl."

Addison slowly opened her eyes and gasped in awe at the sight of her sleeping daughter. The baby lay on her stomach wearing a diaper that was a bit too big for her. Her little mouth was slightly open and the CPAP tube rested underneath her nose. On her head was a pink knit cap, and Addison could see a tiny bit of dark red hair sticking out from underneath it. This tiny little baby had grown inside of her for twenty-eight weeks. Although she knew the science inside and out, she suddenly found it all almost too hard to believe. This was the same baby whose heartbeat had brought her to tears, whose image she had seen through ultrasounds. This was the same baby who fluttered and kicked and knew her mother's voice. This was the child she and Mark had loved and waited for, and now she was finally looking at her.

Carefully, Addison reached inside and took hold of her daughter's tiny hand.

"Hi there, Avery Katherine Sloan," she said softly while beginning to trace delicate circles on the baby's palm with her thumb. "It's Mommy. I missed you so much, sweetie, and I'm so happy to finally see you. Daddy and I love you lots and lots, and we're so proud of you for holding on in there. Aunt Nancy says you are making good progress."

"But we need your little heart to get better, Peanut," Mark spoke up. "You aren't supposed to have a broken heart." He paused. "Hey, Add? Is it okay that they have her sleeping on her stomach? I thought you weren't supposed to let them sleep like that."

"Usually, you aren't, but because we're monitoring her, we can tell if something goes wrong. The alarm on the machine will sound. For now, though, it's good to have her sleeping on her tummy. It actually helps her with breathing now that she's off the ventilator. We'll turn her over in a little while, but for the time being, this is good."

"So it's safe then?"

"It's very safe," she confirmed.

Addison leaned in closer to get a better look at the baby's face and smiled proudly. Two perfect little eyes, one perfect little nose, and one perfect little mouth. It was nothing short of amazing. "Can you believe that she's actually ours? That we actually _made_ her?" She asked, turning to Mark.

"My job was done months ago. You did this, Addie. After all you've been through and worried about, you did it, babe," he said in admiration as he cupped her cheek and wiped away the remaining tears. "And I love you for it."

She blushed and covered his hand with her own. She may have carried their daughter, but he helped nearly every step of the way. He begged her for the chance to show her he could change, and he did. Mark changed more than she or anyone thought possible, and now she had a future with him and their daughter that was better than she could have ever imagined.

"I couldn't have done it without you. I wouldn't be nearly this happy. All of this could have been so different, but you have been wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. And just having her now," she sighed and looked back at their daughter, "it just… I don't know…"

"Feels right?" He suggested with a smile.

"Yeah. That's exactly it. I mean, I still wish I could have carried her longer, but now to be able to see her and touch her, to know that she's going to be okay, and to just be here together for the first time as _family_… It's incredible."

"It certainly is," he agreed. "I have my two beautiful girls. My Addie and my Avery."

Mark wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed her temple before they lapsed into a content silence, watching their daughter take consistent breaths on her own. Addison adjusted the cap on the baby's head and lovingly stroked her soft little cheek as Mark marveled at the five tiny toes on each tiny little foot.

After about fifteen minutes, Addison reached for the chart sitting on the table next to the incubator and pulled out her glasses to read. "I feel like I should be working," she laughed, flipping over to the first page. "Ugh. I can't stop my inner workaholic. It's terrible. I feel like I need to be actively doing something for her or for _someone_. At least you have your big surgery later today. I'm jealous."

Mark was implanting tissue expanders in the conjoined Lewis twins. It was the first surgical step in separating the girls, and since Addison was supervising the project, she had planned to observe the procedure. Now, though, she would have to rely on reports from Mark and Richard. It disappointed her somewhat, but she knew everything would run smoothly without her. At least that day. She didn't even want to think about how she was going to manage the next two months before the separation between her duties as the mother of a preterm baby and co-head of this huge surgery. Balancing professional and personal responsibilities was already proving to be more difficult than she thought, though there was no question that her daughter would come first.

"About that…" he began, "You think Nancy would be able to spare Karev for a few hours? I was thinking of asking him if he would like to scrub in."

Addison looked up from the chart and arched an eyebrow, allowing her glasses to slip slightly down her nose.

"What?" He asked. "He saved our baby. Why I can't reward him with a cool surgery?"

"You can, but just don't keep favoring him. Then he might decide he wants to go back to the Dark Side with you and take up Plastics again," she laughed. "Really… I don't want to lose him from my department. Especially now when I can't be working. Karev has a gift. He's only been on my service for about five months, and already, he's capable of doing more things than some of my residents. I need him."

"Add, come on. I'm not going to steal your precious intern prodigy, relax. It's just this one surgery. I promise."

"Okay," she conceded. "You can ask him."

A loud whisper came from the doorway behind them. "YES! SCORE!"

Alex couldn't contain himself. He had been standing there for that whole exchange between his superiors, and now he was feeling quite pleased. Not only did he get a great surgery, but he also got a significant ego boost.

Mark cleared his throat, and he and Addison turned their heads to look. "So how long have you been eavesdropping, Karev?"

"Long enough to hear that I'm awesome," he smirked.

Addison rolled her eyes and groaned. "Oh god, now the massive ego is back."

"You love dudes with egos. Look at him," Alex teased, nodding toward Mark. "Anyway, how's the kid?"

She turned her head back to look at her daughter and smiled softly. "Perfect. Absolutely perfect. And very well-behaved. She's been very calm and stable the whole time. No problems at all."

As Alex approached the isolette, the baby began to stir. Her fists clenched, and her arms and legs stretched. "Looks like she's waking up," he observed. Slowly the little girl's deep blue eyes opened, and after blinking sleepily a few times, she stared out at her mother.

Addison giggled and leaned forward, reaching her hand inside and allowing the baby to grasp her index finger. "Good morning there, baby girl. Did you have a nice nap?"

She squeezed Addison's finger and yawned.

"I think that means yes, Mommy," Mark grinned as their daughter continued to study Addison's face.

"You want to hold her, Montgomery?"

"C-can I?" she responded, caught off-guard by what Alex had asked. Addison had been so caught up in just watching her daughter that she completely forgot about the possibility of being able to hold her.

"Shepherd told me to give you the go-ahead if she stayed stable the whole time I was gone, so you're good to go," he told her as he prepared to open the incubator. "She wants you to kangaroo her, though."

Mark laughed. "Kangaroo?"

"It's basically just skin-to-skin contact," Addison explained, going into doctor-mode. "They call it 'kangaroo care' because it's similar to how mother kangaroos keep their babies close to them. It's _highly_ beneficial for preterm infants. The studies that have been done have all had amazing results."

"It's been proven to help them stabilize their breathing, heart rate, and body temperature," Alex continued as he checked the baby over. "Aves could use help with all of that right now. It will also help her sleep better, cry less, gain weight more quickly, and… um… well, pretty much anything that she missed out on by being born early, this will help with it. Brain development is another thing. It's crazy how much this helps."

"It will also help us feel closer to her and more like her parents, and for me, it helps with milk production." Mark and Alex both coughed and looked away awkwardly. "Oh please. It's good for her. Deal with it. Mark, I need to sit over in that rocking chair in the corner for this, so help me get up."

Mark stood up and took hold of one of Addison's hands. As he slowly pulled her up with one arm, the other reached around to her lower back to help her stand against him. "You good?" He asked with her pressed against him.

"Considering I had a massive gaping hole in my abdomen sutured shut a few days ago, I'm okay. That wasn't too bad."

He helped her walk across the room, taking small steps until they reached the chair. She looked up and nodded for him to help lower her back down.

"There we go," Mark said, kissing her lightly.

"You want to pick her up and hand her over, Sloan?" Alex asked in reference to the baby. "I can show you how. It's not hard."

"I don't want to break her or upset her or anything," he said nervously, walking back toward the isolette. Addison smiled at his concern.

"You won't. She knows she can trust her dad," Alex assured him. "It's just like picking up any other baby. You just have to watch out so you don't get anything tangled up. Just lean over and slide your hands underneath her. She's small enough that you'll be able to lift her up to your chest easily. Okay? Just watch out for the equipment, and remember to hold her head up for her."

Mark looked back at Addison for reassurance, and she gave him an encouraging nod. He turned back and looked down at his tiny daughter. "You are definitely living up to your nickname," he said softly as he began to slide a hand underneath her. "You really are a peanut. I can't believe how little you are." He took a deep breath and began to lift her. As he brought her closer to his chest, she began to whimper at her sudden change in position. "Shhh… Daddy's got you, baby girl. We're just going to see Mommy. Don't worry. You're safe."

Addison grinned and felt tears returning to her eyes as Mark turned towards her holding their daughter who looked so small in contrast to her nearly six-foot-one father. The baby fussed in his arms as he walked, causing her little hat to fall to the floor, but Mark instinctively cupped the back of her head and whispered to her soothingly until they reached Addison.

"Here's Mommy," he said to the baby, placing a loving kiss on top of her head before helping to slip her inside of Addison's partially unbuttoned shirt.

"Hey there, Aves," Addison cooed as her daughter settled against her chest. The baby's skin was warm and incredibly soft and just feeling her so close made Addison's heart melt. She could feel her body relax against her, and it made her so happy knowing that she could make her little girl feel safe and comfortable. "You are just the sweetest little thing, you know that?" She looked up at Mark who was grinning proudly at them. She blushed and then peered back down at the baby who was now watching her intently. "Such a perfect, pretty baby. Yes, you are."

Alex's pager went off from the other side of the room. He held it up so Addison and Mark could see it was his and then silently left, dimming the lights behind him so the baby could fall asleep.

"You know, Add," Mark said as he carried a chair over to sit next to his girls, "I'm glad I got you pregnant."

Addison shook her head and laughed at him. "Me too," she replied, smoothing down the baby's thin layer of fuzzy hair. "I think the end result made everything more than worth it."

"Yeah," he agreed before pressing a kiss to her lips and sitting down. "We definitely made a good one."

"We did," she sighed contentedly.

"I'm happy, Addie. Like… really, really happy."

"Good, because Avery and I are, too."

They continued to watch their daughter quietly. Every blink, movement, breath, and sound was awe-inspiring. After a while, the baby pressed her forehead into her mother's chest and yawned.

"Have a nice nap, sleepyhead," Mark whispered, the grin on his face seemingly permanent.

"We love you, sweetheart," Addison said gently, cuddling the little girl closer and kissing the top of her head.

Together, they watched their daughter's eyelids slowly drift shut. Everything around them ceased to exist. This was it. This was perfect.


End file.
